(Closed) “im scared that i might cheat on you…”

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Trust is everything in a relationship.  If you cannot trust her, or she cannot trust you, it’s time to look things over.

Be appreciative that she was honest with you, but you need to figure out if you want to be with someone who “might” be unfaithful to you!

Post # 33
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Run for the hills everyone has a choice and if its that hard to stay faithful you don’t need to be worrying about not trusting your partner. Clearly she has issues she needs to work on.

Post # 34
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

How can you trust her when she can’t even trust herself? It’s not like it’s a lifetime either…2 months is a long time to be away from someone you love (I was away from my Fiance for 2 months when I had to study abroad in Spain)…but it is not hard to not cheat on the person you love!

If my Fiance had told me that he was afraid he was going to cheat on me while I was in Spain, I would have said “Adios” and cut my losses, no matter how painful it might be. It’s stressful enough having to be apart from each other, and the last thing you need is added stress of whether or not they are going to be faithful to you.

Also, an hour away is not that far!!! Seriously. I would still be driving out to see you all the time. The situation is not so dire that she should have to worry about cheating on you. I wouldn’t trust her. I’m sorry that she is doing this to you 🙁

Post # 35
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

Yikes!  I’m sorry, but that is not something you say to someone you’re committed to. 

Post # 36
5117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@linearme88:  I agree with the PPs, I’d think long and hard about staying with her. Not everyone cheats on their SO, and saying that she’s concerned about cheating in a 2-3 month window when you’re only an hour away sounds more like a cop-out than a legitimate worry she shared with you. It’s like she said it now so that later, if she does cheat, she won’t feel so bad since she told you beforehand.

I know that if an SO ever said something like that to me, especially after we were engaged, I’d tell them not to worry about cheating because we’d be done.

Post # 37
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My husband and I met online. He was willing to travel an hour and a half just to come MEET me. Once we started dating, I would drive the two hours to meet him, or vice versa. This was not really an issue for us, and cheating was not something we thought about.

The fact that you are ENGAGED and she said this, is disheartening. I am so sorry that someone so close to you would hurt you in this way. This would be a MAJOR red flag.

I am not sure if she is really ready for the commitment. If she is thinking about cheating now, what is to stop her from cheating when you get married? I think you two need to have a long discussion about this. I get that she has attention issues, but an hour is not that long. My husband and I texted/emailed/aim’d when we weren’t able to see each other. If that isn’t enough for her, then you need to move on…sorry, that’s just MHO.

Whatever happens, I wish only the best for you.

Post # 38
3218 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I couldn’t marry someone who said something like this to me.  She could have said “I’m worried I’ll miss you”, “I’m worried I’ll be lonely” or anything else… but she said she’s worried that she will make the decision to go out of her home, find someone else, and be intimate with them. 

That’s just incredibly immature and disrespectful.

Post # 39
7769 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t consider that a total deal-breaker.  If she is just being honest and sharing her weakness, that is a good thing.  I myself, cannot do distance.  Many people cannot.

Post # 40
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Oh geeze.  I think you really need to leave this woman.  

The ladies are right, this is a big red flag.

Who the heck says something like that?? 

Post # 41
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@linearme88:  Once a cheater, always a cheater. I wouldn’t be able to trust a person like that, but that’s just me. You may be a person who gives chances, so at the very least you can give her one chance, and if she messes up then it’s her loss.

Post # 42
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry, I would leave her.

She’s basically giving herself a preemtive excuse or free pass to cheat.

Like, say that she does cheat on you. “Im really, really sorry, I didn’t mean it, and I told you this might happen” would probably be the words out of her mouth.

Post # 43
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think I have a bit of a different take on this. I have a feeling she made that comment because she doesn’t want to be apart from you and she’s trying to manipulate you into doing something about it. Is she trying to stop you from moving, or does she want to move there too right away, but she can’t? 

I’m not saying that she Won’t cheat on you after all, but it just sounds like she’s saying it to make you worry, either so you’ll be jealous, more attentive, stay closer, whatever.

Either way, she definitely sounds immature. Good luck!

Post # 44
811 posts
Busy bee

I’d struggle with that – I wouldn’t be able to trust someone that couldn’t trust themselves, sorry

Post # 45
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s not normal to expect that a significant other will never experience attraction to another person. She might have been trying to voice a concern that this will put a strain on your relationship, etc.

But I’ll put it this way. At one point, Fiance and I were discussing this very sort of thing, and he pointed out to me that he’s found other people attractive before (I mean, we’ve been together 10+ years… he’s not dead, it’s bound to happen. I know parallel situations have arisen for me..), but that as soon as he realized it he mdes a point to create distance in whatever the relationship is so that there was never opportunity for temptation. He’s actively making a choice to honor the commitment he made to me. Which seems extremely reasonable to me..

So I think you need to have a serious conversation with her and ask her that very thing. To me, this sort of reads like a passive-aggressive shifting of blame for something that “might happen.”

Post # 46
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

That is the most ridiculous thing ever.

Holy shit, I’d better not use this knife, I just might have the urge to kill someone!  Like, honestly. 

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