(Closed) I'm seriously confused 2weeks b4 the wedding. REALLY NEED ADVICE! Please!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee

I think it’s very bizarre that this new guy has helped you with wedding stuff. You are a grown woman – you need to make up your mind.

If you think your Fiance is the wrong guy, call it off. NOW. It would be better than to “embarrass” yourself by wasting money and calling things off than to spend your whole life miserable and wondering about the what ifs.

You DON’T want to end up in a marriage in which you wish you had this “fantasy” guy instead of your real husband. That isn’t a healthy way to live.

Honestly, you’re running out of time and nobody…NOBODY can make this decision except for you.

 

Good luck. xo

Post # 4
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

I might be a little biased on this topic because I very recently ended my engagement but I think that if you have the desire to flirt and consider yourself with other men it’s time to go. It’s hard to say that and even to consider leaving your Fiance and starting over but it might be just what you need. Do you want to be married to a jealous man 50 years from now wondering “what if?” I didn’t. 

It was sad and it was hard to leave my ex-FI but it was the best decision I have made to date. I loved him very much but we just didn’t “fit” like I thought we should to make a liftime commitment out of it. 

Post # 5
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

@MrsSoConfused:  your timeline is a bit confusing. he flirted while engaged but you were engaged after he flirted. In either case I don’t think it makes emotional cheating ok. Either break up with your fiance or stop talking to this guy. simple.

Post # 6
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t have fallen for the second”

leave your Fiance. He cheated multiple times, whats so great about him??

Post # 7
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Follow your instincts. If you think your Fiance isn’t the one, that’s ok… But you should be honest with him. In my opinion, the sooner the better. It won’t be easy. I think that the fact that you are having feelings for another person is an indication that you shouldn’t be getting married. Not now anyways, you never know how things might work out… But i think you should really figure out what YOU want before getting married to anyone. i can see that it is probably a really tought situation to be in… And you are probably feeling very torn and confused. Try your best to be honest with yourself, and with your Fiance. 

Post # 8
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I was once with a very possessive and insecure guy who I loved very much. After four years, I knew I would never be able to be myself and I felt so trapped. I had to break it off. 9 years later I have found a man who wants me to be the best I can and trusts me completely and is very secure with himself. I never feel like I have to babysit him when we socialize and I never feel bad for having guy friends because I know I love him more than the moon. You are liking this other guy for a reason… The only thing is that if you break off the wedding to get to know this second guy it is going to put a lot of pressure on him. You should address that if you decide to break it off. Be honest with your fiance about how you feel though. 

I wish you the best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sure, it could just be cold feet on your part and wondering “What if…?” before finally tying the not with your current fiance BUT your fiance doesn’t really sound like a great catch at all.

You’re describing someone you supposedly love as “super jealous, possessive and VERY demanding.” A guy like that is a recipe for disaster – he may not be overtly abusive, but jealous, possessive and demanding people do not make good partners. He’s cheated on you, convinced you to take him back, and doesn’t like you having guy friends. Sure, I’m only getting one side of the story here, but that side is a pretty sad indictment on your fiance’s personality.

I don’t think you should leave your fiance for this new guy. I think you should leave your husband for you. It sounds as though this relationship is not what you want – the new guy may turn out to not be what you want either, but that’s pretty irrelevant. Get away from your fiance before you guys end up married.

Post # 11
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I was so brain washed… one day I was on the phone with my friend and I wasn’t complaining or anything, but I think she could tell I wasn’t happy and she said to me, “you know, you don’t have to be with him”, and a light bulb went off in my head. I talked to him about it immediately and begged him to go to therapy with me, and he refused due to a bad experience in therapy as a kid. I knew there was nothing I could do to get through to him after trying everything I could think of. He was smart (interned for NASA), he was so so adorable, he cooked, he took care of me and let me focus on school, but he also trapped me and didn’t want me to get a job to help because he was too afraid of me leaving him for another guy. I gave him 4 years to trust me and I tried to work out his insecurities with him.

Honestly, I didn’t think it was fair to him or me to stay. I just thought I only have 1 life as far as I know and I didn’t deserve to be trapped and not be allowed to be the best I can be. The hardest thing was that I was sooooo close to his sisters and I loved his dad. Him and his family treated me better than mine ever did. So that was crazy. I was even homeless after I broke up with him. I had to sleep on the floor in my art studio in school for 3 months. It was very very hard, but I am with the love of my life now and I couldn’t imagine being with anybody else. He tells me all the time that he wants me to be the best Jessiebean I can be and wants the best for me in every way. You just have to do it if you think you want to do it, or else you are lying to your fiance. I could never hold it in if I felt that way. I would die inside… 

I wish you the best!!!!

Post # 12
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You’re both emotionally cheating.  Getting married won’t solve the real issues at hand.  I think you both need to step away from this relationship. Sounds like no one is happy.

Post # 13
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MrsSoConfused:  dont break up with ur fiance because u met someone else, this new guy will most probably be a fling/nothing serious. DO breakup with ur fiance cos u 2 r not right together. it doesnt mean u dont love ur fiance, its clear u do & u have a long history together but its not healthy the cheating & possession. what happens when u have kids? i would hate to be in ur shoes as it would take a lot of courage to end this so close to the wedding & have to explain to guests etc but this is ur future. & being divorced within a year would be much more humiliating or people finding out u met someone & cheated & still got married would b much worse than being honest now. good luck:) 

Post # 14
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@bride202:  +1

The new guy isn’t really the issue. Your lizard brain is just using him to try and get your attention as it screams “DON’T GET MARRIED IN TWO WEEKS!” Listen to your gut and don’t marry a jealous, insecure, controlling man. It sucks to call off a wedding, but it sucks more to be trapped in an abusive marriage, and/or to get divorced.

Post # 15
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

Okay so, first red flag is “he just told me: “dont worry, shes not going to die yet, not before the wedding..”   That killed me. But I remained silent.” That is NOT how your husband to be should be talking to you!!!!! ESPECIALLY about family that could DIE! That is just wrong and horrible!!!!

But also the fact that you are having some feelings about another man means that you need to call off this wedding.  That’s not the main reason you need to call it off but obviously you need to take a step back from this relationship.  Also the fact that you have changed yourself because of him is another red flag for me. 

Post # 16
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

wow this is crazy! I was in the same EXACT situation!

I was with my ex and when my grandma died and I told him he said oh my goldfish died too!!! Can you believe that?!!!

Your fiance sounds like my jerk ex. Its not too late to end things. You are NOT married. 

 

This quote helped me decide who I wanted to be with.

 

http://quotesfactory.com/love-the-second-one.html

 

 

I will always love my ex because he was my first at everything and the first person I fell in love with. But my fiance is great. You have a great guy on your hands. Don’t miss out. 

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