(Closed) Im seriously torturing myself

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@sparky263:  Shitty, but all is not lost.

What do you really want – an expensive ring and a big wedding, or to be married to the love of your life?

Sometimes we can’t have it both ways, unfortunately.

If you explained to him that a small diamond (or gemstone or whatever) would be fine for now, if it meant you could marry sooner (and elope or have a tiny wedding), then would that help?

You can always upgrade the ring. You can always have a big vow renewal ceremony if that’s what floats your boat. No, it’s not the same, and waiting definitely sucks… but sometimes we need to make some sort of sacrifice. It sounds like you’d end up waiting either way.

Maybe the waiting 2-3 years IS the best option. If so, then think about the alternative (less expensive ring, no frills wedding). Do things to distract yourself. You just got this news so it will take a bit to sink in.

In the grand scheme of things, a few years isn’t *that* long if you think about it.

Post # 5
90 posts
Worker bee

@sparky263 You do NOT sound like a “ring hungry wedding hungry crazy chick.” You sound like a woman who loves her boyfriend- a boyfriend who unknowingly tortures her with talk of weddings and wedding tv shows. 

I have found that if I beat myself up about looking at wedding websites or watching wedding shows, I only feel worse about it. If I consciously try NOT to do it, I either spend my time telling myself how well I am doing, or trying to convince myself that “just a minute or two” will NOT be okay. Don’t beat yourself up. If you want to look at something pretty and dream about the big day that WILL come eventually, there is nothing crazy or wrong about that. It’s normal, and it’s probably healthier to put this anxiety into loosely planning a “someday” wedding than to get so worked up that you end up taking it out on him. 

I have a feelings you two will work out a solution that both of you can agree on. Good luck!

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