Post # 1
Well a couple days ago me and my bf were having just a casual conversation before I left for work and then all of a sudden he starts saying things like how broke he is and how if he had the money we would be engaged already. He then goes on to say things like he wants to fix up certain things in the house that cost a lot of money and how hes not sure if he should fix up the house or save for a ring. So me being the nice supportive gf that I am I tell him to do what he thinks is most important, putting my own thoughts and feelings aside. He starts saying that our relationship is most important but then freaks out again at the cost of a ring/wedding. So I told him that whenever we get engaged we wouldnt be getting married right away since we have to save up for it first and again told him to do what he thinks is most important. He told me that if he was going to buy a ring it wouldnt be for another 2-3 years
Since then he has been bringing up marriage again a little but not as much as he used to. Yesterday he even decided to put on Say Yes To The Dress while we were eating dinner and admitted to watching it a bit while I was at work. GRR!
Even though he said nothing will happen for another 2-3 years I still find myself hoping that it will come sooner and I constantly torture myself with wedding related shows or find myself daydreaming about different aspects of a wedding that wont happen for at least another 5 years. No matter what I try to do to distract myself something wedding related always creeps into my mind and I wish I could make it stop!
Sorry for sounding like a crazy person just really needed to get that out. Im feeling really down about the whole thing and cant seem to put it out of my mind.
Post # 3
@sparky263: Shitty, but all is not lost.
What do you really want – an expensive ring and a big wedding, or to be married to the love of your life?
Sometimes we can’t have it both ways, unfortunately.
If you explained to him that a small diamond (or gemstone or whatever) would be fine for now, if it meant you could marry sooner (and elope or have a tiny wedding), then would that help?
You can always upgrade the ring. You can always have a big vow renewal ceremony if that’s what floats your boat. No, it’s not the same, and waiting definitely sucks… but sometimes we need to make some sort of sacrifice. It sounds like you’d end up waiting either way.
Maybe the waiting 2-3 years IS the best option. If so, then think about the alternative (less expensive ring, no frills wedding). Do things to distract yourself. You just got this news so it will take a bit to sink in.
In the grand scheme of things, a few years isn’t *that* long if you think about it.
Post # 4
@canarydiamond: I know that waiting longer would be the best thing. And i just reread my post and I sound like a ring hungry wedding hungry crazy chick which I am not..Im just excited to start the rest of my life with this man. I have tried to tell him that I dont need or want a crazy expensive huge ring but he has his mind set in a certain price range. *sigh* just have to continue on being patient..it is definitely hard and it sucks but I will just suck it up.
Post # 5
@sparky263 You do NOT sound like a “ring hungry wedding hungry crazy chick.” You sound like a woman who loves her boyfriend- a boyfriend who unknowingly tortures her with talk of weddings and wedding tv shows.
I have found that if I beat myself up about looking at wedding websites or watching wedding shows, I only feel worse about it. If I consciously try NOT to do it, I either spend my time telling myself how well I am doing, or trying to convince myself that “just a minute or two” will NOT be okay. Don’t beat yourself up. If you want to look at something pretty and dream about the big day that WILL come eventually, there is nothing crazy or wrong about that. It’s normal, and it’s probably healthier to put this anxiety into loosely planning a “someday” wedding than to get so worked up that you end up taking it out on him.
I have a feelings you two will work out a solution that both of you can agree on. Good luck!