(Closed) I’m sick of fighting with her. My heart is broken.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am in a similar boat with my mother. I can certainly understand how you feel. With my mother it is all about what she wants and not what I want. Whenever I had to have smething I was being a bridezilla. Seriously I am getting married in one week and just the other day she made a comment that if I didn’t have to have this wedding then she would not be broke. Ok so she had the money originally and has blown it on this that and the other thing and it is all my fault. I have been threatened repeatedly that if I don’t agree then she will not pay. Which would have been fine if the invitations had not already gone out and several deposits were made. I am just dealing with it until after the wedding and hope I don’t explode.

Post # 4
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ugh. My sympathies.

She’s not being respectful, nor fair. However, I’d like you to consider letting her get her way in this one, in order to enjoy a happier wedding day and rest-of-future.

  • If you let her invite the people she wants to invite AND pays for them, then you won’t have any grief on your wedding day because she’s miffed they’re not there.
  • You’re not out any money if you lay out the condition that she must pay, and your venue doesn’t have a 200-person capacity, so she can’t possibly overfill it with strangers.
  • These people she wants to invite will help to keep her at least partially occupied on your wedding day, and therefore out of YOUR hair.
  • You won’t have to hear at every family function & holiday for years to come about how so-and-so didn’t get invited.

I don’t want this to sound like I’m supporting her, because her behaviour is WRONG; but on the other hand, she isn’t about to change her ways at this point in her life.

Post # 5
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with PP, you dont want to be fighting with your mom on your big day. Have a sit-down with her, explain that she really hurt your feelings and you dont feel respected by her but that in the long run your relationship is more important, and if she wants to invite two more guests as long as she pays for them its fine. Its not going to be a hassle. You both need to talk this out and try to listen to one another. She may be in the wrong, but you can be the adult and fix this situation before it ruins your wedding.

Post # 6
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If my mom had threatened to tell the whole family I was a bitch on facebook I would’ve just told her to call me after she’s done with Junior High. (I know it’s not funny for you, but the sheer insanity of that did my head in. I was like, “LOL. WHAT?”)

But seriously, if you ever want this woman to respect you, you will have to lay it out for her and stick to it. “Mom, Fiance and I are paying for this wedding, which means we decide how much we’re willing to spend, how many people, and who we want to be there. I understand you want to be involved, and I appreciate your offer to help, and I would even love to have your help, but frankly, it comes wiith too many strings attached and stresses me out even more than doing it all myself. If you want to be involved, you need to stay out of the guest list, quit throwing tantrums and threatening to call me names on facebook, and abide by the descisions that Fiance and I have made. If you can’t do that, then I look forward to seeing you at the wedding as a guest.”

The thing with family treating you badly, they get away with it because they know you won’t actually walk away. You’ll feel like shit, maybe not take their calls for a while, but eventually, you’ll come back for another helping of the same old…

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