- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2010
I just can’t take it anymore. My dad is such a sexist pig it infuriates me. I love both of them to death but the way he treats her is completely unacceptable. I try my best to stand up for her when I can but I’m not always around and I know there are days (most days) where he’s nothing but a douche to her. She doesn’t deserve this at all and today I just wanted to go up to her and be like, “you know you could find better, right?!” It’s not that I don’t love my dad…I do tremendously and I’ve always been a daddy’s girl but there is no reason on God’s green earth for the way he treats her sometimes.
Growing up my dad had some anger management issues for sure. He never hit my mom but there were times where I feared he would. He wasn’t afraid to ever raise his voice or tell her exactly how he felt about her. I remember him screaming at her “You selfish BITCH!” and slamming his hand into the wall. He broke the bathroom door once in his fury, putting a huge crack down the center. He’s thrown stuff across the room in the past, etc. He was always very resentful and regretted a lot of the decisions he made as a child.
When I was around 6-8 years of age my parents let my great-grandma move in. She needed a lot of help around the house and my mom was her care taker. After my grandma died a few years later my dad decided he would go back and get his bachelors. When my parents had originally gotten married they both had school to finish up but my mom had less so my dad went and finished up first, intended for her to go back eventually. When my grandmother died he went back again, getting a second bachelors. To this day, he has yet to do anything with either of them. He’s still spending his time painting houses, letting my parents and brother scrounge for money in the winter when he has no work but his night time job (he works for a shipping company nights). Meanwhile my mom has been the most selfless person in regards to my father. She is now going back to school (finally!) and taking five classes, she works at the local hospital as a computer tech while trying to make sure that the house is spotless and dinner is cooked every night.
The whole time I lived with my parents I assumed my mom was the bad guy and while she did do her fair share of damage in regards to me and our relationship, the more I think about the more I realize that the things my mom does is only due to the influence my father had on her. Dinner being ready when he got home was essential otherwise daddy would have a fit. And if the house wasn’t clean he would yell at all of us and tell us we were lazy. Sleeping in was not allowed and if we did sleep in when he wasn’t home and he found out…lazy, again.
My mom is super self-critical about herself. And I know it’s because of him. I tell him whenever he says these things that he can’t say these things to his wife, or that he needs to think about what he’s saying. But he never does. He always says things like “A little paint on an old barn never hurt anyone.” He picks on her about her appearance, her clothing, her being a slob, etc. She struggles a lot with her eyesight and migraines. One time she bought these really dark sunglasses to help and whenever he would go out with her places he would say to people in public, “She’s not blind..” and walk away. He’s so embarrassed by her all the time and it makes me hurt inside. Today my parents came to see me at work and my mom has this nasty eye thing going on. I asked if she hurt herself (because from far away I couldn’t tell) and she’s like I’m so embarrassed that you noticed.My dad said “She won’t go to the doctor. It’s probably contagious.” And the whole time he was there he was super cranky. I asked him why he was and he said “Because I’m married to this woman!!!” and stomped away.
I just can’t handle it anymore. I really can’t. He’s making my heart break for her. She doesn’t deserve him. I’m sick of him being a sexist pig of a man. I don’t really know what to do. Thank you for listening. Really, thank you.