(Closed) I’m sick of my father verbally abusing my mom. (long)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh, dear @SweetRose2011…it must have taken everything out of you to write that post. It’s so tough to step out of the ‘child’ role and see your parents as they are – real people. I don’t really have any advice, just wanted you to know I was there to read and sending lots of love and good thoughts your way. * BIG HUGS *

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SweetRose2011: I am so sorry. Big hugs to you. It’s so hard to realize that your parents aren’t perfect and that they can do tings to hurt you/each other yet you still really love them.

I don’t really have anything to say except I’m very sorry and big hugs! Maybe you could have a mother daughter date sometime soon and just see how she’s doing.

 

Post # 6
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SweetRose2011: Can you write her a letter? You are a phenomenal writer, pour everything onto the page. You don’t necessarily have to give it to her, but it could help you really understand how you are feeling.

You could even do the same for your father.

Post # 7
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

What a hard situation. 🙁 I am so sad for you and your mom. I don’t have any advice, but I empathize with you. (Hugs) to you and your mom.

Post # 8
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SweetRose2011: This hurts my heart for your mom. And for you having to grow up hearing things like that. There really is no reason for your dad to say such hurtful things. I swear, sometimes the mental abuse can almost be worse than physical.

((((HUGS)))) to you my dear. I wish I had some sound advice to give.

@KatNYC2011:I really like your letter idea.

And SweetRose, how would your dad respond to a letter as well?

Post # 11
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m about in tears reading that..

I typed this thought up earlier but I didn’t send it, but do you think this could be a case of your dad bing gay and trying to hide it behind his marriage to your mom? I am probably totally wrong, but it seems plausible to me based on what you wrote about him wanting to be all things masculine and shunning any activity that could be seen as effeminate. As well as his behaviour towards your mom…her not exactly being the sex he’s attracted to so he treats her horribly because he’s not happy?

Again, like I said, I could be completely off the mark, but that thought had occurred to me…

Post # 12
Bee
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

My sisters and I had to eventually stage an intervention for our parents because we could no longer stand to be around their destructive behavior. I had to be the one to call it to order because we couldn’t afford a professional mediator. I don’t know if you have anyone you can ask to stand by you, but it never hurts to help people become more self-aware of their behavior. You may risk severing relations with your father, or upsetting them, but you are an adult, too, and you are allowed to call your dad on his bullshit. Tell him his behavior is unacceptable and you will no longer tolerate being around it. If he starts using abusive language with you or your mother, tell him, and, if possible, remove both yourself and your mom from the situation. You may need to involve the help of a professional, but that’s a place to start.

They have to want to change, too, though. Our intervention helped in some ways, but my folks are still together (unfortunately) and still, for the most part, behaving the same old way. But all of us siblings feel better having said our part and made them aware that we see how they treat each other and that it affects us too.

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