(Closed) Im sick of waiting… birthday let down

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

In my opinion he knew exactly what you would think with the small box statement.  I really think that secretly they enjoy putting us on pins and needles waiting for that moment.  I too have received the “alternate jewelery” and if he hadn’t made me think it was a ring, I would have probably loved what he got me, but getting a necklace when you were expecting a ring is like a kick in the head. I have gone through this on my birthday and Christmas and Valentines day.  I would have rather he hinted at something else or been compassionate enough to spare my emotions and not hinted at anything more.  I don’t know about you, but I was so hurt when he pulled out a necklace…

I just wonder if in the back of their minds they are saying.. HAHAHA got her again.  Just like tricking a dog when you are playing fetch!!

Anyway, I totally understand your frustration and you are not alone.

Post # 4
Member
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

He led me to believe it was more and I was heartbroken.

I don’t want to make you feel more awful than what you feel now, but he did not lead you on. You saw an e-mail you weren’t suppose to see and assume that by “small box” it was a ring. If he has an e-mail that says ring I think he does plan on proposing (and he has some time to get his slow butt in gear–its still early in the year).
 
Appreciate the necklace, wear it proudly, and expect your ring soon. Sometimes it doesn’t always have to be a special day to propose. I was proposed to on a Friday in September–not a birthday (which was less than 3 months prior), not a big trip, or a fancy dinner. Just sitting on the couch, unwashed hair, and dirty clothes from the day before because I was in the middle of moving.

Post # 7
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

@roughtimes88 The first few times it happened I was very upset and I would just get quiet.  One of the last times it happened I waited til the next day and then I just lost it.  I told him I really thought he was actually going to do it but yet again I was wrong.  I also told him not to worry, I wouldn’t make that mistake again.  It was my fault for getting my hopes up an that wouldn’t happen again either. I was just so tired of being let down and

This didn’t go very well.  We got upset.  He says he wants it to be a surprise but the fact is I HATE surprises.  At this point I feel like the magic of it all has been tarnished.  I hope you don’t get to that point.

Post # 9
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@roughtimes88:  To me, it’s all about intent.  I too have received jewelry that my boyfriend told me about in hints that absolutely could have made me think it was a ring. And a couple of times I did….BUT, I saw that, yes, he may have been trying to tease me a bit, but it was very clear he was excited about the gift he WAS giving me.

 

 

 

I know my boyfriend didnt mean anything by the times he got me excited for a ring but instead gave me another piece of jewelry.  And I’m sure yours didnt either.  If I got upset and had a discussion with him about it, i’m sure my Boyfriend or Best Friend (or most people) would have reacted with a degree of hurt and defensiveness.  I dont think he’s out of line: he probably feels like “why wasnt this gift good enough?” 

As far as telling him that when he proposes it ‘wont be special anymore’, I’d seriously rethink saying things like that, and I’d probably go apologize and do some damage control.  If he truly believes you mean that, what’s the incentive to propose to you if you’re not going to be happy with it anyways?

Post # 10
Hostess
12052 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I went through the same thing last month.

we’ve been together 8.5 years the end of this month, i turned 30 on march 14th.  He kept telling me soon when I’d ask about getting married, he’s bought me so many nice things to ‘hold me over’.  Then with my birthday he told me my present would be late, he ordered it online wasn’t going to get here in time.  My birthday came, we went out for dinner – he gave me tickets to a show for the saturday (that he purchased that day at 3:00), came home, he went to bed at 8:00 and left me watching TV.  I was heartbroken, spent half of the next day at work in the bathroom trying not to cry

I was pretty po’d.  I went away the following weekend to attend a conference.  That sunday I came home (10 days after my birthday) he took me for a walk down by the lake and proposed. 

I got worked up for no reason (for the record, the ring wasn’t bought online, that was just his sotry).  It’s possible that he’s trying to mislead you, I know most of my friends FH’s and DH’s misled them before they got the ring – guys seem to like the ‘surprise’ even when we know it’s coming. 

Post # 11
Hostess
12052 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@roughtimes88:  I will also ad to my previous reply – he’d been saying soon for a LONG time.  Sometimes men don’t realize how important these things are (even when we throw a fit about it – i’ve done it too).  You love him, are you willing to leave him because you didn’t get your ring for your birthday?  I realized quickly that I wasn’t, and as upset as I was I wanted to be with him.  I got my ring, which is absolutely perfect, it took WAY longer to get here than I ever thought (8+  years!!!!) I’ve been ‘planning’ our wedding for 6.  You’ll get your ring huge hugs though, I know exactly how you feel.

Post # 12
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

@roughtimes88 i know what you mean.  I have been called impatient so many flippin times I could explode.  How about….honey you aren’t impatient  I’m just dragging my feet.  That would help sometime

Post # 13
Member
715 posts
Busy bee

I don’t know if its intentional on their parts or if its just us over thinking things but it def happens me too! My SO has been going on and on and on about going to Rome for about a year now. we’re in the uk so it’s not that far. We often go on city breaks like that but never to Rome th. Way he talks about it is like he’s gonna take me there one day. Anyway in my head that was where he was going to propose. So at christmas last year he was talking about booking a surprise trip for me for New Years.  He had ask me cos work is strict with time off around New Years anyway I couldn’t get out of work so he’s all like “oh we’ll leave it till later in the year” so before valentines this year he was talking  about getting me a surprise weekend away. I asked him did I need my passport as mine was just expired and he said yeah. Of course in my head I was thinking Rome!! So valentines comes and it’s a trip to a 5 star hotel about an hours drive away. I was like why did you tell me I needed my passport? He was laughing he did it to put me off the scent. I said you just built this up to be some foreign trip And it’s a random hotel break!  Anyway I knew strsight away he wouldn’t be proposing there. We’re just back from that weekend away and no proposal! I’m half thinking of booking a trip to Rome for his birthday in may just so he can’t dangle that carrot anymore!!!! 

Post # 14
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@megz06:  I am with you on this. I was proposed to on a very random day and was very suprised. I always find it a bit strange when people expect to get a ring on a special day… 

Post # 15
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you are reading WAY more into everything than you should be.  He was probably really excited about picking out a lovely piece of jewelry that you’d love.  You’re only hearing hints because you WANT to hear them.  Oh, and he was probably incredibly hurt that you basically said that you don’t care about what he gave you, that it’s meaningless unless it’s a ring.  I’m sure he was heartbroken at having a gift that he put time and effort into picking out thrown in his face. 

Stop talking about it, stop thinking about it.  Go work out, do something productive, whatever.  Pressuring him is just making life miserable for the both of you, and I guarantee you that every time you bring it up, you’re pushing the date back further.  Do you really want a proposal of ‘Fine, here’s your ring so please shut up already’?  He’s obviously decided he’s going to ask you, let the poor man ask the way he wants to.

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