Post # 1
So, DH works 7 days a week at 2 jobs and I only work weekends. Don’t say anything, it’s what we decided to do and he will be leaving his weekend job soon. Because of this he rarely spends time with our 7 month old. for Father’s Day I asked if he could take a vacation day cause I was given the day off. He said no, he’s taking the following Saturday off (today) so he can golf with friends. I got upset because he would take off to play with his friends, but not to spend time with me and DD. He promised he would be home by 1 and would spend all afternoon with DD while I go to work this afternoon.
ok. Fine. Well he calls at one saying he will be home in about 5 minutes along with 3 friends. I got pissed. Not only is the house a disaster, but now he won’t be spending time playing with DD like he said he would. Since I won’t be home he said he’ll put her in her pack n play with some toys. That’s not f****** spending time with her! this is his 2nd day off since Christmas and I think he should spend time with his daughter. He has friends over quite often in the evenings so its not like he never gets guy time. On his other day off he spent all day with friends getting drunk.
please don’t say how I’m a horrible wife and I should let him play with friends. I rarely if ever ask him not to do stuff with friends. I just needed to get this off my chest.
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
Couples should have friendships outside of each other and alone time and yadda yadda etc BUT! He’s acting like a jerk. Seriously. That’s absurd. You need to have a major sit-down with him about this. Hugs!
Post # 3
Yea. That would tick me off too. I mean I would understand that he works a lot, but family ALWAYS comes before friends. That’s what happens when you get married and decide to start a family.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius
That’s completely out of line, you are not a horrible wife, you are doing this for your little girl, not for yourself. He spends a lot of time with his friends and his priorities are obviously totally wrong. I think men who work 7 days a week feel that their free time is their free time, and they do whatever it is they feel relaxes them or what they want to do, the sad thing is that should be spening time with his child. At best, a split between family and friends, as Rachel said, it’s imporatant to have a life outside of work and married life/parenting but he needs to get the mix right x
Post # 5
I’d be really upset too. Sticking the baby in a PnP while he spends time with friends is not responsible parenting. You’d think he’d want to spend time with his wife and daughter since he never sees them.
Post # 7
You can’t force him to spend time with his child. He has to want to do that. Perhaps a conversation on the benefits to the child of having her father in her life is in order.
that said, perhaps a more equitable distribution of employment is also in order. If i had only had two days off since Christmas, I’d want to go get drunk with my friends too.
Post # 8
I’d be pissed too. He’s acting like an immature young guy. He’s a father, there’s no need to go get drunk. If I only had 2 days off I would want to spend every second with my family. (Also, now that I’m a mom I honestly don’t think I’ll ever get drunk again, I have no desire to).
Post # 9
I see both sides here.
On one hand, I would be really ticked off too and I do think he should be spending as much time with his daughter as he can. I’d also be hurt he didn’t want to spend time with his daughter when he can.
On the other hand, I would also be really ticked off if I worked 7 days a week so my spouse could stay home, and then my spouse started dictating what I should do on my second day off since Christmas. I see how it looks from your side, but try to see it from his side too.
Post # 10
I think he absolutely needs to be spend time with his daughter. The question is more why doesnt he want to? If he works that much he should be DYING to see her during the day and play with her!
Post # 11
Horseradish: I did work a lot more befor our daughter was born. We decided that it was important that she not be in daycare. I tell him all the time that I will get more hours at work but he always declines. He only has a second job for a little longer.
Im glad i don’t come across as a total bitch. When I left for work DH said he was going to have lunch with the guys then kick them out so he can play with DD. I still think a conversation needs to be had though.
Post # 12
I’m glad to hear that your husband has said that , OP, hopefully he is realising that he needs to spend some time with his daugher. I would be angry in your shoes too. You must feel that you shouldn’t have to ask him to make time for your DD, he should want to.
Of course he has a heavy workload and of course he will want to spend time with his friends, relax, unwind etc but, as you know, it’s important that DD gets some Daddy Time too. I hope the two of you can come to an agreement on this, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.
Post # 13
Hugs looks like he might be using friends to avoid time alone with your baby !!! Which hate to say is normal he probably hasn’t a clue what do with her most men dont at that age so he has the guys over to fill the gap n has baby DD in the room he thinks in room or diaper changes feelings are time spent …my advise see if you can find fathers group or others dads for him to hang with so he can bring DD to the group once a month n meet other dads get to know them n DD gets to play with other babies n mommy gets a break you need that to girl !!! dont forget you need time to to be a woman !!!
Post # 14
My husband works two jobs too, has for a long time, he has weekends off but is usually too tired to do much, he tries but has trouble finding energy to help with the boys. When he does have a burst of energy I’m delighted when he wants to spend time with us or work on chores and projects around the house with me…but every now and then he craves a night out and I have to bite my lip! I know how you feel. :/
Post # 15
Fall_In_Love22: If this were just a “my husband” nag, I *might* judge. But family comes first. When you choose to have kids and a family when working 7 days a week is required, that doesn’t mean that on the first day off, you get to run out and play like a ten year old. If he doesn’t like it, then maybe he should have thought about being a parent.
Yeah, hubby would have a frying pan waiting for him when he got home. And I mean a frying pan to the head to knock some sense into him.