(Closed) I'm so annoyed with the "when is the baby coming" comments

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 47
Member
7994 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Don’t think it ends once you have a baby.  We have 2 girls but now everyone is asking “are you gonna have a boy???”  Stupid people.

Post # 48
Member
9079 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@eeniebeans:  Saw this happen to my mother’s co-worker. He has 4 girls.

Post # 49
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

We’re not even officially engaged yet and his mother has already demanded we produce grandchildren so she can be a live-in nanny for us. I’m 21 and I really don’t think I want children, at all. I was a horrible child and will probably have a child just like myself. 

Post # 50
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@sweetchiquita12:  

Because children are viewed as a natural progression in marriage, people automatically start pressuring for babies. It is a necessary evil of being married; an expectation that most families have.

We used to get a lot of baby pressure until I told my mom that my husband had a vasectomy. She thought our childfreedom was “just a phase”. My in-laws no longer ask us about kids. We have received the typical “You’ll change your mind.” “Maybe when you’re older you’ll want a child.” My Brother-In-Law once asked my husband to come watch our niece so that “he could practice looking after a baby for the future.” LOLOLOL

I used to be a nanny, as well as a special needs worker for disabled children. Those experiences taught me that I am not suited for motherhood. I love my nieces and I am a very doting aunt, but I love sending them home too. My best friend has two children and the youngest one likes to scream for no reason. Ugh…no thanks.

Just say that you will think about kids in about 1,000 years. They will get the idea.

Post # 51
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sigh.

I’m a bit older than you.  Like, more than a decade older.  At this point, I sincerely doubt that anyone is going to ask about babies.  My wedding will be all about two people deciding to spend the rest of their lives together, not deciding to extend their family trees.  The people who will attend already understand this, or they wouldn’t have been invited.  (Small wedding, no boneheads.)

At this point, I am apparently still chemically capable of breeding.  But I won’t because of the high risk of Down Syndrome.  Scares the pool out of me.  Neither my Fiance nor I suffers from a ticking clock, so if the question does come up, I have no problem being sarcastic in response.

(Truth be told, i generally have greater difficulty avoiding sarcastic responses to most things, but that’s another story.)

But back to reality … I completely agree with the posts that state that this is a private matter, and that such questions are inappropriate.  If you allow them, you set a bad precedent.  Just don’t do it.  In your place, I would probably respond with something direct like “That’s none of your business”, or sarcastic like “We’re planning to have thousands of babies, and name them all after you!” Or, “We don’t need a baby, we already have a cat.”

And if that isn’t your style, simple smile distantly and move your attention elsewhere. If people don’t pick up on that hint, it doesn’t matter — your attention is already elsewhere.

Don’t suffer fools gladly.  Don’t suffer them at all.

Post # 55
Member
10451 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I foresee this happening a lot to us. My fiance’s cousins are all older than him and already have a few kids. When we got engaged the first thing one of his aunts said was that we need I have a boy and a girl like all of his cousins do. It doesn’t bother me too much right now. Yah it’s weird but I just try to ignore it, it’s not like they can force us to make babies! I’ll be interested to head what they say at our wedding haha. I might be sick of it too by then… 

Post # 56
Member
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@sweetchiquita12:  I know what you mean! I met a lot of DH’s extended family for the first time while we were on our honeymoon and I lost count of all the ladies (and men!) that actually touched my belly and asked if there was a baby in there yet!

this is how the conversation went down in 99% of those cases:

Me: awkward giggle “nope”

Them: “Why not!?”

Me: “Well, we have only been married for 1 month and are just enjoying life together”

Them: “That doesn’t matter! When you go home make sure you start trying… you better have a baby with you the next time you come back!”

Me: “uhh…awkward giggle...we’ll see…change subject

It’s especially hard when it’s someone you aren’t that close with, at least with friends and immediate family I can be sarcastic with them!

Like, yes we want children, are we aren’t planning to wait thaaaat long but geez… your nagging is not going to influence our timeline!

Post # 57
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Laugh and play them off. Or, say nothing at all. I find that works the best.

STORY TIME GUYS

A few days before our wedding, we were invited over to his grandma’s place. His aunt and uncle, sister, brother-in-law, niece and parents were also there. His grandma got started on, ooing over our infant niece: “In a few days, you guys could get started, and by the end of the year, 9 months away, you could have a baby!”

We both sat there and said nothing. His parents said nothing (whether this is because they feel it’s none of their business, or because they dread the prospect of me ‘officially’ being part of the family once I’ve given life to their blood as well is beyond me). Granny continued on a few more times, laughing a little bit, and we just said nothing. I had nothing to say.

I’m not going to announce my plans for having a child to my in-laws. They seemed to pick up on the fact that neither of us talk, and so they’ve moved on. We might smile or nod, but otherwise we’re very noncommital.

Part of that may also be that we’re still getting a house, so they might really ramp those up afterward.

In my case, I have a convenient excuse. His sister is his only sibling. My only sibling is having his first child. So, my excuse is, “Well, there are grandbabies on both sides now, so we’re permanently off the hook.” It gives the impression we don’t want kids, and I don’t mind if they’re wildly surprised if/when we do have a child, or if they feel deceived.

Post # 60
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@sweetchiquita12:  when i was dancing with my Father-In-Law (the way we did it was first couple dance, father daughter and then midway i switched to his father) he started mentioning grandchildren! i was really surprised. we’d only been married literally 15 minutes!!

and everytime we go out someone brings up babies.  it makes me really stressed. we’re kind of NTNT right now, but i feel pressured to have one asap at the moment

and people with babies telling me i should hold them to ‘practice’ etc etc. bleeeugh

Post # 61
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s even shittier when the answer is “never”. We don’t want babies, one baby, half a baby, none of it. Party of two over here, forever. His family is starting to accept it more since we’re going on 3 years of saying “no kids, ever”.

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