(Closed) Im so ashamed of myself

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You are not an awful person. Have you talked to him about any of this? I know when I was waiting I began to think the same things regarding how my Fiance was spending his money, when he could be saving up for a ring. On black Friday he decied to buy a $2000 TV and I remember being apprehensive and avoiding giving my opinion on the matter, we’d been together 6 years at this point, and he turned to me during the purchase and said, “I want you to know that this doesn’t affect anything engagement wise.”

Talk to him. You’re not crazy and you’re not awful. I know exactly how you feel.

Post # 4
Member
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@caits615:  Oh and let me also say, I was crazy, I gave an ultimatum in July last year that I would be engaged by the end of 2011 or I was moving out- this tactic may not work for everyone, but I wanted to be married and I was tired of waiting. You’re 31 and you’ve been together 3 years, yes, you should know at that point if you want to marry someone or not.

Post # 5
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Awe 🙁 hugs..

I would probably talk to him because it is clearly making you upset.

In terms of the weight, muscle is heavier than fat… so although you may not see amazing numbers on the scale KEEP GOING! you will see a change in your body FIRST… good for you for sticking with it for 15 days already, not many people can do that so be proud of yourself and stay off the scale! It is all about how you feel about yourself not about the number 🙂

Good luck, I hope you feel better soon

Post # 6
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You’re definitely not an awful person. I would feel upset too, honestly. That’s a lot of money. Like PP said, I would talk to him and let your feelings be known. Men aren’t the best (okay, they suck) at reading minds, and sometimes when they see stuff they like (SPORTS) they throw caution to the wind and make purchases without thinking about the long-term impact. Not all men do this, but it sounds like your guy might be one of them.

Just talk to him about how your feeling.

Post # 7
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Steelergirl:  I don’t think you’re crazy or selfish. Sorry but if my guy spent $2,500 on something without consulting me first, I’d flip out, and same goes for if I did that to him!

I think you need to have a serious conversation with him about all of this. You’re 31… after 3 years you definitely deserve to know where this is headed. If he won’t give you a straight answer then I would seriously consider moving on. You deserve better than this.

Have you talked about marriage, kids, finances, future?

Post # 8
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee

I understand your frustration. My SO freaks out about money all the time, and how he can’t afford anything. I’m constantly paying for stuff, and then he came home the other day and said “Guess what! I bought a raffle ticket today for a Corvette!” I said “Oh, really? How much was it?” “$250.00…”

Cue me flipping out on him.

I said “You realize you just threw $250.00 out the window.”

“But…”

“No, no but. That’s rent money. That’s money you could use to pay off your credit card. It’s your money, you can do what you want with it, but I don’t want to hear you complain about money if you’re just going to piss it away like that.”

Shocker. He didn’t win the raffle. He literally took $250 and threw it in the trash.

Then, a few days later, he reminded me I owed him $200 for something because he needed to pay his credit card bill. I flat out said to him “You know you’d already have that $200 if you didn’t enter that raffle. He just groaned.

 

Post # 9
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

You are not a horrible person. If my So was strapped for cash and made a purchase like this over a ring and it was nearing our 3 yr anniversary I would be livid as well.

Does he know how you feel? Did you discuss this with him? What did he say?

 

 

Post # 10
Member
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@OneOfTheseDaysAlice:  I’d be fuming. We have friends and the guy went to some event and drunkenly spent like $1000 on some raffle for an African safari. To say the least, the wife was not pleased.

Post # 11
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

@Steelergirl:  First of all, I want to say that I’m very sorry that you are having a rough time. Second, you ARE NOT a terrible person for feeling like that. Feel like that is what makes you HUMAN. The fact that you recognize that the money was for charity and feel remorse for the way you are feeling tells me you are a wonderful person. You see the big picture even if you don’t like the situation. 

That being said, I think you have every right to be upset, especially if he does not propose on your 3-year. I sure he is a nice guy and wanted to help out the charity, but lets be honest here. He’s a man an obviously wanted the sports package as well. You need to tell him how you are feeling and what your expectations are.

Also, I want to say good for you for focusing on yourself while you wait and getting into shape (I have heard from several people that the p90x is brutal). I know that the weight thing is a touchy subject for most women, so I really hope that this next part does not come off as offensive to you. I am a soon-to-be dietitian (I’m finishing up my internship now) and would be more than happy to talk with you about a meal plan (not a diet per se) to help promote weight loss if that is something you are interested in. Obviously it would be at no cost as I am not registered yet but I would welcome the distraction of thinking about waiting during my break from school. PM if you would like.

 

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Take care!

Post # 12
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

Aww I am so sorry! Did you communicate to him that you have been with him for 3 years and that is enough time to know if you want to marry someone or not and if he doesn’t have the intensions of doing so for him to say so. I would be so hurt too. My SO just spend a ton to fix his motorcycle and I was positive it dwindled his savings, but I saw him checking his bank statement online and he has plenty of savings. Maybe your SO has enough money for charity and a ring!? Just don’t have meltdowns because then he will get scared and worried. Try to be extra loving and then communicate that you are ready to get married or move out.

Post # 13
Member
5959 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

It’s ok!  I was watching my friend go through the exact same thing, they’d been together two and a half years and I could tell it was starting to bother her that he hadn’t asked.  So I approached him in a very friendly and open manner, and asked him if there was anything I could do to help…turns out there was!  He was totally stuck in the idea that it had to be a certain way, cost a certain amount of money, which they don’t have, and that he had to do it all on his own…NOT TRUE!  She’s my best friend, so why wouldn’t I help out with this super important stuff like getting engaged?  It turned out to be a really fun thing for him and I, we had a covert operation, we found something great that was in their budget and I even brought the ring to him the night he proposed!  So, maybe you have a friend that might be able to talk to him about it….?  He might just be so intimidated by the whole thing now because he knows how important it is to you, if your crying now, what happens if he messes up or doesn’t say it right because he’s nervous…I would imagine your both feeling the strain in different ways, a wingman might be just the ticket! 

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