(Closed) I'm so confused

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
4054 posts
Honey bee

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cjoy12:  I think it’s normal to be a little apprehensive before making a life changing decision. It sounds like he truly does want to marry you. Hard as it may be, I wouldn’t bring up the topic until after he graduates. At which point you can (gently) bring up the timeline. 

Post # 3
5866 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

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cjoy12:  I think that he’s probably ready for marriage, but nervous about all the big life changes he’s about to go through.  That’s pretty normal, I wouldn’t worry about it.

It’s pretty annoying that he holds all the cards right now – he gets to propose, he gets to know the timeline, and you get to have no control over your own life.  That would really bother me.  I wonder if he’s thought about it that way?

If you decide that you do want to be patient and see wht happens when the ball is in his court, I’d just give yourself an internal timeline.  Once that timeline has passed, then bring it up and tell him that that two of you are deciding on a timeline together, end of story.

Post # 4
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think its coming. Be patient. It is scary and its normal to have some anxiety about such a huge commitment! But id say its happening. If a year post graduation goes by you can say WTF. He might want to get that good paying job first to fund your ring!

Post # 5
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: South Lodge. 2nd of Dec 2017

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cjoy12:  let him concentrate on graduating, let me tell you a story, I tried for three years trying to get pregnant, thankfully it happened, I spent six months blissful happy, then I spent three months telling everyone and anyone who would listen I wasnt sure if I was ready to be a mum.  Do I regret my child, good god no, not one single moment since she was born.  Most people wobbly that’s natural give him time, as time will tell.

Post # 6
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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cjoy12:  I don’t think it will be soon based on what he shared.  Talk is easy when the expectation is far off in the distant future. He knows the time to make good on his word is now very near and he’s back peddling.  He’ll bring this up again, hoping you’ll postpone your wants (again?).  I would not, although sounds like you will based on “i don’t want to get my *hopes* up”. I wouldn’t allow him to own this decision in entirety. Time for him to compromise.

Post # 7
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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cbgg:  What an eloquent answer. My thoughts exactly.

Post # 8
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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cjoy12:  I would at least wait until he passes the NAPLEX and MPJE before getting worried. Is he persuing a residency? 

Post # 9
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

Bee, that must suck to hear! 😔

personally I would set myself a timeline and if no progress is made after that timeline (I’m talking like, NO progress at all – no saving for a ring, no serious talks initiated by him etc) then leave. It’s unfair for him to fill you with excitement and hope for a proposal for so many years and then not follow through. 

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