Post # 1
A little back story. My SO and I have been together for about 4 years. We met in college and have been talking about marriage ever since he brought it up about 3 years ago. He’s pursuing a doctorate in pharmacy, and we both knew a proposal would have to wait until after he was finished.
I’m starting to get really excited, because he graduates in less than a month! So I can’t help but hope that a proposal will be just around the corner. He already has a job lined up that pays VERY well. But over the weekend we visited friends and he had a bit too much to drink. Usually when that happens, he gets really sappy and talks about marrying me and having kids. He did all of that this time too and even said he’s been looking at my ring board on pinterest a lot lately. But he also said he was scared because he’s been putting off proposing until after school, and now that time is upon us. He said over and over again that he plans to spend the rest of his life with me, but he’s scared to make that kind of committment. It made it sound like he wasn’t ready to marry me yet. Obviously I was pretty upset, because I thought we were on the same page with the timeline. Then later that night, he took my claddagh ring off my right hand and put it on my left. He said, “I’ll buy you a better one soon.”
I brought up everything that happened the next morning to try to make sense of it all. He said that he really is ready for marriage and we’re still on the same page, but he’s nervous for all of the changes that comes with it. What do you all think? Is a proposal coming soon, or is his apprehension going to get the better of him for a while? He refuses to even tell me a general timeline other than after he graduates, so I don’t know what to think. He’s giving me mixed signals and I don’t want to get my hopes up.
Post # 2
I think it’s normal to be a little apprehensive before making a life changing decision. It sounds like he truly does want to marry you. Hard as it may be, I wouldn’t bring up the topic until after he graduates. At which point you can (gently) bring up the timeline.
Post # 3
I think that he’s probably ready for marriage, but nervous about all the big life changes he’s about to go through. That’s pretty normal, I wouldn’t worry about it.
It’s pretty annoying that he holds all the cards right now – he gets to propose, he gets to know the timeline, and you get to have no control over your own life. That would really bother me. I wonder if he’s thought about it that way?
If you decide that you do want to be patient and see wht happens when the ball is in his court, I’d just give yourself an internal timeline. Once that timeline has passed, then bring it up and tell him that that two of you are deciding on a timeline together, end of story.
Post # 4
I think its coming. Be patient. It is scary and its normal to have some anxiety about such a huge commitment! But id say its happening. If a year post graduation goes by you can say WTF. He might want to get that good paying job first to fund your ring!
Post # 5
- Wedding: South Lodge. 2nd of Dec 2017
let him concentrate on graduating, let me tell you a story, I tried for three years trying to get pregnant, thankfully it happened, I spent six months blissful happy, then I spent three months telling everyone and anyone who would listen I wasnt sure if I was ready to be a mum. Do I regret my child, good god no, not one single moment since she was born. Most people wobbly that’s natural give him time, as time will tell.
Post # 6
I don’t think it will be soon based on what he shared. Talk is easy when the expectation is far off in the distant future. He knows the time to make good on his word is now very near and he’s back peddling. He’ll bring this up again, hoping you’ll postpone your wants (again?). I would not, although sounds like you will based on “i don’t want to get my *hopes* up”. I wouldn’t allow him to own this decision in entirety. Time for him to compromise.
Post # 7
What an eloquent answer. My thoughts exactly.
Post # 8
I would at least wait until he passes the NAPLEX and MPJE before getting worried. Is he persuing a residency?
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
Bee, that must suck to hear! 😔
personally I would set myself a timeline and if no progress is made after that timeline (I’m talking like, NO progress at all – no saving for a ring, no serious talks initiated by him etc) then leave. It’s unfair for him to fill you with excitement and hope for a proposal for so many years and then not follow through.
Post # 10
No he’s not planning on pursuing a residency. He’s eventually would like to own an independent pharmacy, so he’s just looking to gain experience in a retail pharmacy.