- 2 weeks ago
I’m new here, but I’ve been around for a while
I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed which is why I decided to actually write this rather than search for someone in my situation.
My younger sister is about to be married. I’m 3 years older, with a 2 year old, to a man I don’t think will ever propose.
He keeps letting on that maybe some day it’s coming, but I have no idea. We’ve been together for 4 years, we live together. He takes total care of us, I only work part time because I need it for my sanity. He’s excellent with money (I’m awful), and I know he has a huge amount of money squirrelled away. There’s always something in the way of a wedding: me being pregnant, building the house, now he wants an investment property. There’s always something that comes first. I love him so much, but I feel like I don’t get a look in anywhere, and yes I know, a daughter is a big of enough committment for some people but for me I want more. He controls all the money, which I’m not so upset about as I don’t know how to be responsible, but I know he has enough away for a ring and a wedding. We wouldn’t do a big wedding anyway. I really want to have a second child for my daughter, but I don’t want to until I at least have a ring on my finger, and that seems so far away. I can’t bare the thought of announcing a second pregnany without that committment, it was hard enough the first time – my Mum was not happy for me at first, but she came around.
I see my baby sister plan her big day, and I’m so happy for her, but I also feel desperately jealous. She and her fiance have worked so hard for everything they have, and now they both have great jobs earning great money, a beautiful house, the perfect dog. She went to uni, moved out earlier, relied on no one but herself until her fiance came along. Has her head screwed on tight. They have this wonderful relationship and he cares so much for her. My partner works away a lot, and won’t take a job with less trave because he’s worried about the pay cut. But sometimes I just need him here.
I’m kind of floundering. I have my daughter, but I don’t know what else I have. It’s hard to compare, when she’s done everything right, and it feels like I’ve worked for nothing I have and made so many mistakes. I don’t own my house, I don’t have anything of value that I can say “I worked hard for this”, except my baby girl, but even then, I never struggled. Anything I wanted for her, she got, and I have a lot of help with her.
I can’t help but compare myself to her. Everything I did wrong, she has done right. Younger, prettier, fitter…
I’m sorry for the vent. It’s just today is particularly tough, as we got her invite, and it’s so perfectly her I just burst into tears.