(Closed) I'm SO FED UP…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Carolinadoll:  *Hugs* ugh, I can see why you’re frustrated.

Instead of acting distant, could you have a frank discussion with him? Like when was the last time you talked about it?

Just say that “Oct 2011 was a long time ago, I am starting to feel very frustrated/worried again… I am tired of driving you crazy about this, is a proposal still in the works?”

Do you still want the same type of ring you looked at? You could email him a refresher picture or something if you want to be a bit more subtle.

I’d just try to trust that he’s aware you want to be proposed to before the lease expires. No point worrying until it happens. I would probably give him at least one more hint before then, though.

Post # 4
Hostess
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Carolinadoll:  ugh, I’m so sorry.  Waiting has been the absolute worst. I am in the same situation, I feel like I resent my Boyfriend or Best Friend and it is causing major tension in our relationship. This should be the happiest time of our lives but I feel like it is getting ruined.  I have no major advice for you other than to keep yourself busy and to vent with us bees. I’m sure when the time comes it will be fantastic but waiting for that time to come is the pits! We’re all in the same boat, stay strong!

Post # 6
Member
4574 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Carolinadoll:  (((HUGS))) I agree with PP.  Talk to him pretty lady and dont be so angry when you do so, otherwise it will turn it into a fight.  Take a deep breath and talk to him.  GL xoxo

Post # 7
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

Just wanted to say good luck. I remember that feeling really well – am still not engaged, but somehow have calmed down about that (except for when I am PMS-ing, then I am a total crazy person who snaps at her friends and family, and cries to her SO, ugh!!).

Post # 8
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Carolinadoll:  it’s good that he’s willing to talk about it. my advice is that since you have talked about it 2 days ago to wait at least a month before bringing it up again if you can. of course, when i was waiting, that was a big problem for me, i’d bring it up every 2 weeks! but i got better by trying and i think it was a really good thing when i’d go a month or two without talking about it. it’s so important to some guys to keep the “surprise aspect” of the proposal so i’m not that surprised that he won’t get into specifics with you.

Post # 10
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Usually the best thing you can do when your boyfriend is making you frustrated is to put the focus back on YOU.

IE what can YOU do for YOURSELF

-write a list of goals, then sub-lists of steps to those goals

-write a list of things you want

-write a list of relationships/friendships you feel you should put more love into 

-write a list of places you would like to go, or restaurants to check out, etc.

Basically turn your focus back on yourself and your life.  Overly focussing on your boyfriend is typically a waste of your precious time.  

From the sounds of what he is saying, he does fully intend to propose to you at some point.  So, just enjoy your life and your relationship and make yourself the best woman you can be.  

Another way to think about it is, when you are waiting you are always daydreaming about your wedding and wanting to be married etc.  But like for me, once I did get engaged (FINALLY) I felt kind of wistful that the wedding planning process would only be for a short time (in the context of your life span), and then the wedding is over, and then you really dont have any other comparable event to look forward to! It will have already happened!  And the whole waiting unhappiness that I experienced really seems ridiculous now.  

If you trust your boyfriend and think he is an honest person with integrity, who means what he says, then I think you have nothing to worry about.  He knows what you want so just wait for now.  

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee

I know its frustrating! But maybe you need to join the Shut-It-Up pact and not mention an engagement anymore. I would try your best not to allow yourself to be distant with him. He needs to feel loved as well and so do you! I get that its really frustrating, but at the same time your distance could cause a rift in your relationship and make him question proposing. Also I’m sure he has a fantastic proposal planned for you! But like most males want to be in complete control of that so you’ve got to let go and let it happen!

*hugs*

Post # 12
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee

@peonies322013:  +1 love your suggestion to focus on herself and make lists! I adore lists!

 

Post # 13
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Try 3.5 years and been looking at rings for nearly a year with a guy that keeps postponing our engagement. First it was Aug 2012 then anywhere between Sept and November 2012. Then everybody kept telling me for sure in December. In August he laughed because he orginally wanted to do it in Jan 2013 but realized that was ridiciclous. so here we are Feb 2013 and hes still pushing it further but with my family celebrating my aunts wedding in July (my entire family centers their lives around this spoiled brat) he doesnt want it to be too close to hers. Im so frustrated. and shes met her fiance online 6 months ago and have been planning their wedding for 5 months already (yeah they dated 1 month). so to be not engaged after 3.5 years and then see this person after 1 month steal that from you…thats a tragedy. 

 

Also, moving in with a guy is the worst thing you can do 

Post # 14
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Carolinadoll:  I didn’t read all of the other comments, so maybe this has been said already, or maybe (hopefully) you’re already feeling better! But since you set a timeline and he knows it, you really don’t have to get too frustrated. Either he is going to do it by the time you decided on or he isn’t. Don’t get too worked up, just know that you WILL know by a certain time and that may help put you at ease πŸ™‚

Additionally, he won’t want to do it because “everyone else is doing it” so he might want to let some time pass since your friends’ engagements and yours.

The fact that you made it known you would get your own place after a year is really admirable (wish I’d have done that!). Also, guys tend to process “cut and dry” options very well so you have that going for you! Good luck!

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