Post # 1
I woke up in the middle of my sleep to notice eleven text messages. eleven. Apparently my mom was furious with me because yesterday I attended a family wedding and my family was being extremely rude to me as always. It’s not that I wasn’t excited for my uncle and new aunt, I was just angry at some of the comments people were saying. Note: here. They were also saying things about my Fiance and why he was unable to attend. I told them it was because he was working to which my father replied “Well, once he officially becomes a part of the family will he start attending things, finally?” and my aunt says, “Likely excuse!! Likely excuse!!” Seriously?!? My family has been less than welcoming of him since the beginning. Only now are my parents acting like they give a damn about him being there. My uncle even said, “Well, since Steven isn’t here I’ll see if I can show up. You know xyz can’t make it because of work, right?!” (trying to make me pissed off or to laugh, not sure which)
I was having a rough time yesterday and posted on Facebook something about my family being dysfunctional and making my head implode. (not very mature I know but yesterday took everything in me). And this morning I said something along the lines of “I don’t think I will ever understand families that can erase someone out of their lives, simply because they are too judgemental to try to understand. For God’s sake, they are family, not a friend who has done something you refuse to accept. Just breaks my heart” because my uncle has done this very thing. Reason number 165 why my cousin doesn’t talk to the family now.
My mom tonight is furious that I would in her words “tear my family apart six months before the wedding” and that “no one will be happy at my wedding because I am not”. She said she was upset that I said anything at the wedding last night but I apologized to bride and groom. And seriously, sometimes enough is enough. My family knows they can make fun of me, so they do it all the time. They constantly say things without worrying about their effects on other. I’m so hurt. She even managed to squeeze in a “part of being a woman is not always publicly speaking our mind.” WHAT?!?!?! I’m sorry that I stood up for myself when this happens all the time. I’m to the point of tears and I’m shaking that they can treat me like this. Why have I not stood up for myself before. I don’t understand how two Facebook updates and a comment at a wedding is “tearing my family apart”. I’m so over this bull shit. She has no respect. I don’t even know what to say.
P.S. if you wanna read anything else about dear mother, “look at the post about would you be offended as a bride?”
Post # 3
I’m sorry. 🙁 I haven’t read any of your other posts about your family, but I do know what hurtful comments can do. *hugs*
Post # 4
awww… well you shouldnt let them walk all over you. good for you for standing up for yourself!!! and dont worry. theyll get over it. 🙂 hugs!
Post # 5
I agree that you shouldn’t be a doormat, but perhaps laying off FB posts and not meeting people’s asinine comments with any kind of feedback is the way to go for the time being? It sounds like everyone’s a little riled up, so maybe it’s time to take the high road and just not say anything about anything…. at least for a little while. I’m certainly not saying forever, but it sounds like even if you do stick up for yourself, you don’t get anywhere. Why waste your breath? Ya know?
Post # 6
I’m sorry you are so hurt and sad. Your family knows just how to manipulate you, how to get a rise out of you, and make you crazy and there must be a part of you that in some ways is used to it, so you default to it even though it is harmful. You need to find a way to not let it affect you any more or find ways to combat their words in the moment, or monitor/lessen your time with them altogether for your own sake. Whatever the case, whatever the issue, you should not be made to feel this way, be put in the middle or on the defensive about anything. Whether it be your Fiance not being present at that wedding due to work, whatever. Don’t let them corner you like this, don’t play into their tactics. Rise above it to a point where you are neutral and they can’t poke at you. Walk away. Hang up. Don’t text. Don’t email them back. Smile. Change the subject. Finesse your way through it all. Find ways to not response to 11 text messages (CRAZY!) or respond with a simple “I regret you were hurt. Thanks for letting me know. I hope you can now feel better about the situation.” And end it there. Because then it is on THEM, not you. You’ve apologized for their feeling hurt and YOU are moving on. If they persist, don’t respond. Find the grace in your heart to deal with these people and let their words wash off your back. Otherwise, they’ll continue to pull you down this hole and that’s no way to live. You deserve better. Stand up for yourself by removing them from standing on you in the first place. Hang in there!
Post # 7
@KristenGotMarried: you are right. I won’t say anything more. I just was upset because it was the first time I’ve ever said anything
@Cornflakegirl:Thank you for that. It’s been such a long long road these past few years. I’m such a good person and I know I’m generally sweet as pie and sooooo happy. But when things like this happen it leaves me shaken. It’s like “I don’t care about your big heart, I just wanna smash it!” I don’t understand.
Post # 8
@SweetRose2011: You’re welcome. There’s something about the way you described everything that really resonates with me; I can feel the weight of this on you and sense that you’ve probably been treated this way by them for most of your life. There’s something gossipy in the whole “where is your FI” conversation you explained, like everyone was in on it and had something to say. Sheesh! Here you are getting married, a woman, and trying to shake their grasp on you from belittling you, right? Among other annoying things they pull? Whatever their reasons for toying with you (jealousy, control, their own regrets or misery of their life choices dumped on you) the antidote is a combo of poise, strength and deep breaths! 😉
Post # 9
I’ve been keeping up with your posts and I have to say I’m so sorry 🙁 But it’s great that you stood up for what you believe in, regarless of all the shit that you gotta deal with now!
Post # 10
I agree with Firefigther Bride-I read your post about your uncle’s wedding yeseterday and I think you handled yourself well in that situation and you did the right thing by sticking up for what you believe in and sticking up to ignorance, in general. Sorry you are having such a rough weekend!
Post # 11
I think you are awesome for what you did. It may be family, but it doesn’t make their ignorance okay. I’m sorry you have to deal with their drama now. I hope things get better for you!
Post # 12
*hugs* you completely, totally did the right thing. Right now Its 1am here and Im on vacay and I am replying to just you to make sure you know I totally and completely support how you handled yourself, stood up for yourself. You dont have to stand for this behaviour, and you dont have to allow them to walk all over you. Im proud of you. *hugs*.
PM if you need to dear
Post # 13
@Cornflakegirl: yes, I’ve been getting crap my whole life. I love my dad’s family but they are super judgemental and it stings. Thank you for your kind words.
@Bellanouva: Thank you so much dear. You mean so much to me! I hope you have a wonderful time on vacation!