(Closed) im so hurt:( cant believe FBIL is acting this way

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh, I am so sorry you are so upset.  I think that it is just better from here on out to let your FH handle anything to do with his family in the future.  The seem to want to take whatever issues they have and turn them back on you and since this is his family, just better to let him handle them in his way.  If they chose to not be there, then they are the ones who will be missing out, but you never know, once the dust has settled maybe FH can smooth things out.  ((HUGS)) Don’t cry, it will all work out.

Post # 4
19 posts
  • Wedding: January 2012

Weddings sometimes bring out the worst in people. i’m so sorry that your wedding planning is dampened by future family. Do you consult Fi on whats going on? As a mutual party he should stand your ground (and stick up for you!) – after all, you both decided not to invite her. 

Talk to your Fi. He is your soul mate and confidant. Try to remember that you are marrying him and that you love each other. That’s all that matters. Hugs

Post # 5
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

5 years later and we are still going through the same crap. The best thing is to get everyone and sit down and talk about it. My husband was too scared but it would have prevented so many years of crap. If it’s your finace’ family, he has to step up. You can’t do it by yourself. Otherwise sign the papers at the court and wait a few years till everyone settles down. Remove anyone in your wedding party that is connected to his family. I wish I had done that.

Post # 6
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would absolutely insist that my Fiance handle this situation. It’s his family and his place. If the two of you made the decision to not invite his mom together then he needs to back that up. And honestly, if you’re so resolved in your decision to exclude her… I think you’re going to accept whatever ramifications come your way as a result. Excluding a mom is no small thing and people are bound to get offended. GL!! And try to keep your chin up 🙂

Post # 7
128 posts
Blushing bee

@csperry2: Totally agree with this

Post # 8
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@knight.keira: I second this. We’ve had extreme problems with his family as well throughout our whole engagement. They’ve ruined a lot of our happiness, I regret to say. 

 The best thing is to let FH be the spokesperson for you both but stand behind him and present a united front. It’s him who needs to tell his family (in whatever way they will hear it) that their behaviour is unacceptable. 

 My fiance told his family the way they’ve treated us is very bad, he demanded they apologize for their verbal abuse and slander towards me. That was 3 months ago. Our wedding is in 3 days. 

I can tell you they’ve never apologized, their response was to cut out FH entirely and slander his character as well. 

Point blank: some people have issues that can’t be resolved by others in their own family. As part of that family, I think it’s your FH’s job to step up and call them out when they are showing bad behavior and only hurting themselves and their relationship to you two together. 

Not saying this will fix everything, chances are it won’t…. if his family is anything like they seem from your post. BUT, I can tell you the tears will pass… after the wedding you and your husband will probably be able to live apart from them and in complete peace knowing you did all you could and it’s not in any way your fault things are the way they are. 

(( hugs )) I know how hard this is. Make a promise to yourself to focus on the two of you and your relationship together. At the end of the day, that’s all that really matters. Keep us posted! 

Post # 10
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Why is she in jail???

In your shoes, I’d seriously consider eloping.  It sounds like your future in-laws are bullies.  And WTF is up with your Maid/Matron of Honor not being allowed to attend your wedding just because her husband won’t go?

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