Post # 1
hi bees i so need to vent,my eyes are burning and swollen from all the crying:'( so if any of you all dont know i have problems with my Future Mother-In-Law extreme problems (read previous threads) so Fiance and I decided it best she doesnt go to the wedding so that was settled.so today me and my Future Brother-In-Law wife were txting(shes my best friend&MOH) and somehow Maid/Matron of Honor brought up that her husband mentioned that his mom was going to the wedding regardless of what i said and if i dont let Future Mother-In-Law to go that he wont attend the wedding either or my Maid/Matron of Honor !!! i told her i didnt want problems with him due to the fact that i was worried how this will affect my relationship with her,i told her its mine and his brothers wedding not his he should respect that,well my Future Brother-In-Law read the txt and wrote back…
“im going to show up with my mom and fam and we will, let my bro tell me to my face!” i got so hurt and being how i dont like to leave things unsaid i decided to call him so we can talk it out like adults,as soon as he answered i told him i dont want to fight or anyone getting upset i said i really want them at the wedding and for him to stand by his brothers side as the best man that he is and support us and be happy for us regardless of the issues i have with his mom.well he snapped and said if i have beef with his mom that he has beef with me to be an adult n let his mom go.i stood my ground and told him no,he continued to say how he supports his mom and if i make her mad then he wants nothing to do with me i said to please respect my desicion and not to make things worse i told em i love his wife like a sister (at this point im crying on the phone) and i want her by my side to please not do this and he said hes not doing anything for me because hes never liked me and wont ever consider me his family that none of them ever liked me.he started raising his voice at me and disrepected me to the point were im sobbing on the phone,he made it clear he was taking his mom and he felt bad for his brother marrying me,i tried to get Fiance to talk to his bro on the phone and being that Fiance doesnt like confrentations he hung up the phone saying he will talk to his brother later…im so sad my Future Brother-In-Law told me all those hurtful things i have always loved him and his wife and daughter it breaks my heart thinking that my relationship with my Maid/Matron of Honor can get ruined,i dont know what to do.after what he told me on the phone i dont even think i want him going even more knowing he will take his mom .my Fiance is going to call him and have a talk with him.what would you bees do in my situation???? im sorry this post is long i had to let it out im still crying and it hurts that someone that i helped so much and cared about would say things like this;'(
Post # 3
Oh, I am so sorry you are so upset. I think that it is just better from here on out to let your FH handle anything to do with his family in the future. The seem to want to take whatever issues they have and turn them back on you and since this is his family, just better to let him handle them in his way. If they chose to not be there, then they are the ones who will be missing out, but you never know, once the dust has settled maybe FH can smooth things out. ((HUGS)) Don’t cry, it will all work out.
Post # 4
Weddings sometimes bring out the worst in people. i’m so sorry that your wedding planning is dampened by future family. Do you consult Fi on whats going on? As a mutual party he should stand your ground (and stick up for you!) – after all, you both decided not to invite her.
Talk to your Fi. He is your soul mate and confidant. Try to remember that you are marrying him and that you love each other. That’s all that matters. Hugs
Post # 5
5 years later and we are still going through the same crap. The best thing is to get everyone and sit down and talk about it. My husband was too scared but it would have prevented so many years of crap. If it’s your finace’ family, he has to step up. You can’t do it by yourself. Otherwise sign the papers at the court and wait a few years till everyone settles down. Remove anyone in your wedding party that is connected to his family. I wish I had done that.
Post # 6
I would absolutely insist that my Fiance handle this situation. It’s his family and his place. If the two of you made the decision to not invite his mom together then he needs to back that up. And honestly, if you’re so resolved in your decision to exclude her… I think you’re going to accept whatever ramifications come your way as a result. Excluding a mom is no small thing and people are bound to get offended. GL!! And try to keep your chin up 🙂
Post # 7
@csperry2: Totally agree with this
Post # 8
@knight.keira: I second this. We’ve had extreme problems with his family as well throughout our whole engagement. They’ve ruined a lot of our happiness, I regret to say.
The best thing is to let FH be the spokesperson for you both but stand behind him and present a united front. It’s him who needs to tell his family (in whatever way they will hear it) that their behaviour is unacceptable.
My fiance told his family the way they’ve treated us is very bad, he demanded they apologize for their verbal abuse and slander towards me. That was 3 months ago. Our wedding is in 3 days.
I can tell you they’ve never apologized, their response was to cut out FH entirely and slander his character as well.
Point blank: some people have issues that can’t be resolved by others in their own family. As part of that family, I think it’s your FH’s job to step up and call them out when they are showing bad behavior and only hurting themselves and their relationship to you two together.
Not saying this will fix everything, chances are it won’t…. if his family is anything like they seem from your post. BUT, I can tell you the tears will pass… after the wedding you and your husband will probably be able to live apart from them and in complete peace knowing you did all you could and it’s not in any way your fault things are the way they are.
(( hugs )) I know how hard this is. Make a promise to yourself to focus on the two of you and your relationship together. At the end of the day, that’s all that really matters. Keep us posted!
Post # 9
Thank you girls so much for your support,after I calmed down me and Fiance talked and he said he will handle the situation from now,he said if his brother can’t accept me and our decisions then we need to part ways with his family until they learn to respect.I’m still so hurt because of my Maid/Matron of Honor not being there,she txt me last nite saying how sorry she was for her husbands actions but that she still loves me and wishes the best for me..hours later Future Brother-In-Law txt me saying he didn’t mean the things he said but he had the nerve to say I’m making this situation hard on everybody to let everything go and that we will all talk when his mom gets out of jail!!!! I got more upset and didn’t txt back I showed Fiance and he said not to worry that his brother can’t run this wedding his way.I will keep you guys posted:)
Post # 10
Why is she in jail???
In your shoes, I’d seriously consider eloping. It sounds like your future in-laws are bullies. And WTF is up with your Maid/Matron of Honor not being allowed to attend your wedding just because her husband won’t go?
Post # 11
Future Mother-In-Law is crazy and has many run ins with the law.she got caught up for a warrant so she’s in there till the end of Jan. My Fiance family are hardcore Hispanics as in what the man says goes so my Maid/Matron of Honor does whatever her husbands says ,me on the other hand I am Hispanic but I wasn’t raised that way I was brought up to speak my mind and not let a man decide what I do so Fiance family hate that about me..thank god my Fiance isn’t like that …I pray all this gets fixed and my Fiance fixes this whole mess.