(Closed) I’m so sick of ungrateful in laws.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@SweetRose2011:You live free and they pay for your food. Maybe they feel the least you can do is clean their house. I think a thank you is respectful from both parties.

Post # 4
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I understand the frustration of living with people who aren’t as tidy as you. But the fact is, you are a guest in their house and they can choose to keep it however they want. If you choose to clean for your own sanity, they have no obligation to keep it up or thank you. Just consider it a gift to yourself and move on.

Post # 5
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Sorry, I agree with the above posters. You can’t live and eat in their house for free and complain that they don’t say thank you when you clean. It’s their home, if they want to slack off on their cleaning that’s their choice. They aren’t obligated to do anything, really.Stop cleaning their mess and you won’t have a reason to get upset when they don’t thank you for it and start completely changing their living habits.

I hate to say “If you don’t like it, move out” because I know it’s not always that easy, but…

Post # 6
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with the PPs that it is their home to do with as they see fit, but come on…black stuff in the shower?…YUCK. That’s just inconsiderate on so many levels…not to mention unsanitary. If you invite someone to be a guest in your home then you ARE under some obligation to provide a sanitary environment…sheesh. I would be mad as hell too. Is there any way that you and your Fiance can have an “assigned” bathroom that only the two of you use?

Post # 7
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Living with in-laws is so often a stressful situation, I hope you guys are able to move out on your own at some point soon. Having observed similar situations before though, I encourage you to view it from your FMIL’s perspective. Do you think that maybe when you tidy up her area of the house, she might feel like she is being judged for being not-tidy? I know my mom has been uber sensitive to things said/done by my SIL that wouldn’t bother her if coming from her own kids. Just an idea…

Post # 8
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I love my In-laws and feel extremely lucky that they are totally normal and we get along really well, but I know I wouldn’t be able to live with them for any extended amount of time, for the same reason I wouldn’t be able to live with my parents. It’s so hard because yes, they are your parents, but you are now also adults and need your privacy and space. And I like being in charge of my own meals, it’s exhausting and annoying to have to eat what someone else wants all the time.

When I’m visiting though, I have no problems helping out or sharing space, but probably becaue I know it’s only for a few days..

Post # 9
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I know what you mean. Even if you don’t HAVE to clean, you do it out of the goodness of your heart. And you expect a ‘thank you’ for having gone out of your way even when you didn’t need to.

People justify things in their own ways. Your in-laws are justifiying their ‘thanks’ by letting you guys stay rent-free and providing food. It still helps to hear a word of ‘thanks’ because it really doesn’t take much to thank someone for something they have done for you, however all people don’t think like that.

If you were MY DIL, I would be thanking you left, right n’ centre because that is just the way I am. And it’s taken me a hard time to learn it too that everyone is not like me. My in-laws are a lot like yours. If I lived in their house for any amount of time, they would behave probably even worse than yours. Example: when we get invited over for Christmas dinner, my Future Father-In-Law makes me clean up after and do the dishes!!!! (No jokes. But that is how he is. He will not ask you, he will tell you to do them. Yep. There are peepz like that out there.)

Post # 10
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think since you are living there rent free,  you really cant complain at all. They probably expect that since you dont pay rent the least you can do is clean up the place. I think you should just work hard on moving out of there; thats really the only solution.

Post # 12
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Ugh.  It always sucks living with other people.  I understood you weren’t so much upset that they don’t say thank you (although that would be nice) but that you just cleaned and he left gross black stuff all over the shower.  Sounds like they are just not clean people. 


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