(Closed) I’m so tired of being the grown up :,(

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Sounds like a really tough situation, and you sound like a really kind and loving daughter.  I’m sure that whatever you decide will be the right decision.

Can your mom get into a job training program and a non-profit consumer credit counseling program?

I’m glad you have your husband too!

Post # 4
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

to be honest sounds like you do too much for your mother and she is too dependant on others. you are sending her money and she had credit card issues with your brother and then she is off paying for fake nails for your sister. seems like alot of people are giving her a crutch to not face reality and start taking care of herself

if this was a drug habit im sure you would be more firm in saying no to her so use the same attitude to her spending habits.  there has to be a number of agencies that can help her out, plan budgets and training so give her a list, tell her you love her very much but you can only do so much and you are struggling yourself

goodluck – its not going to be easy

Post # 6
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I can relate very much. It’s very hard to make the decisions to help out or not, not because I don’t love them but what is really best for them and for us. It’s hard, but like you said lean on your fh. Mine has been more than understanding and helps me think things out. It’s not easy though.

Post # 8
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh this is horrible…I second DG and want to say could she get some grants for job training?

I am very very sorry this has happened to her.

The unemployment rate is now at an all time high. Almost 10 percent.  Wishing her love, and some opportunity.

Just be there for her, maybe help with groceries or utilities if you could?

Hugs to you and your mom.

Post # 9
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That’s a really tough situation, but I wouldn’t stop helping. This shouldn’t be your burden, but its hard to turn your back. I would do it for you siblings. Any little thing to help your brother and sister will make a big difference in their lives. 

Post # 11
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine. On one hand I feel for your mom because the economy is even worse than ever and finding any sort of job is just hard. Well, one that will pay all the bills. Sounds like to me she may be either not looking at all or she is being too picky in her job choices. How old are your siblings living with her? I know it may be customary to take care of the parents in other cultures, but I just don’t think people can do that anymore. They have their own issues to deal with. Seems like to me if she is having such a hard time then she couldn’t afford the movies and nails. I know this sounds bad, but I would stop helping her. You have supported her enough but you are struggling as it is too! She needs to learn that she has to be an adult and take care of herself and the children who are still living with her. I hope I don’t sound mean, but I think that will be the only way she can learn from any of this and try to dig herself out of the hole made. Good luck.

Post # 12
193 posts
Blushing bee

This is a really tough situation. She’s getting a degree in accounting; that’s good – practical degrees are much more employable than others. It’s hard to be a student, a mother, and an employee at the same time, so I sympathize with that to some degree.

You seem like you feel obligated to help her, which I understand since your siblings still live at home. If you want to help, can you pay certain bills of hers rather than give her money outright? You could pay part of her rent directly to the landlord, for instance, or set up automatic bill-pay for her electric. That way you know your money is going to good use and you won’t be so frustrated if she spends irresponsibly.

Also, check out government services to help with rent and utilities. Those programs are there for a reason.

Good luck… it must be really hard to be in this position, especially when it’s your mom that needs the help and you’ve only just gotten married. I wish you all the best.

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