(Closed) I'm so upset over my cousins weight gain

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2134 posts
Buzzing bee

So…since you saw his pic, now you care? 

Post # 3
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

anonbee97531:  So… he gained some weight so now you think you should fix him? I guarantee you pointing out that he’s gained a lot of weight will do nothing but make him feel horrible. 

Post # 5
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

bibber:  she obviously has always cared, as evidenced by her entire post. 

 

I don’t think it would hurt to reach out to him at all

Post # 6
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

If you want to message him and just tell him you’re thinking about him, cool, but leave his weight out of it. Would you want someone to message you out of the blue to tell you they’ve noticed how obese you are and to ask how they can help you lose weight?! NO.

Post # 7
Member
2134 posts
Buzzing bee

anonbee97531:  I wouldn’t mention it. You two need to work on your relationship before you get “super personal”

Post # 8
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I understand your concern and shock after seeing a picture looking nothing like the man you used to know. However, I don’t know why you weren’t concerned about his well being before seeing that he gained weight? He pulled away from you dramatically and you didn’t think to reach out to him and see what’s up before? If he just recently posted a picture of the “new him” then reaching out now expressing concern will probably be obvious that this concern is about his weight. Why not just call/text him with a “HEY! Haven’t heard from you in a while, how’ve you been? Let’s catch up!”.

The weight gain could be a sign of depression or an underlying illness or stress… or simply he started eating more and working out less. Don’t automatically assume, though, that since he gained weight he must be miserable and it’s now time for you to swoop in and save him. I really believe you should have reached out prior to this to see what was causing him to ignore you before. Coming to him now may be a touchy issue and could push him further away.

Post # 9
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

I think he’s going to know you’re reaching out now, because you saw the pictures. Why do you think he’s going to want to work on the friendship any more than he did a year ago? I think you’re going to get hurt all over again. I’d let it go.

Post # 10
Member
407 posts
Helper bee

anonbee97531:  Geez, people can be nasty. It’s clear you care about him. I’d be alarmed too if I was in your situation. Honestly, the only thing I can think of is to not give up. Call, message, even if he doesn’t respond. I mean don’t harass him, you know, but maybe a heartfelt message on FB will mean something. I wouldn’t specifically mention his weight gain.

Post # 11
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

anonbee97531:  Definitely do not bring out the weight right at the beginning. From your post I can see that you care and HAVE been trying to reach out but he has been avoiding you. All I can say is, maybe he isn’t broken up about the weight gain maybe he is happy. And yes you can argue with me about it (I’ve struggled with my weight and it did not make me happy but I have also had great friends who are a bit heavier and are perfectly happy) so just try to renew the bond that was once there but leave the weight out unless his health if affected which could only be told by a doctor. (As an example, my tiny sister has all these problems and I was told I was fine last time)

Post # 12
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Holy moly, people! Maybe you’re reading words that I’m not seeing, but to me it sounds like the OP is concerned about his well being because the weight gain combined with looking run down and sad and his checking out of their relationship gives her concerns that he’s not doing OK in life. Not that she thinks it’s her civic duty to tell him he’s become tubby in case he didn’t already get that memo. 

OP, you’re right in thinking that those could all be signs of a problem. Sounds to me like it might be depression. It would explain so much about why he dropped off the face of the earth, bailed on plans, etc. I don’t really have any advice for exactly how you should approach him, but definitely reach out to him. Don’t necessarily do it from a “I’m concerned about you because I saw your Facebook photos” standpoint. Maybe just tell him that you’ve missed his friendship, want to reach out and see how he’s doing, and hopefully reconnect. I doubt he’ll come right out and tell you about his problems (assuming he’s having some) but maybe it’ll open the door to being there for him and helping him out of what might be a tough time in his life.

Post # 13
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’d say the huge weight gain is probably why he cancelled on your wedding and why he keeps avoiding you. Meeting up with people when you’ve put on a lot of weigh since you last saw them is horrible and you feel ashamed and just self esteem plummets as you feel they will judge you so much (I know I’ve been there and done it). I wouldn’t mention his weight but if you feel that now you know why he’s been acting how he has and you can forgive that and build a friendship again then yes message him see how he is. He may realise you’ve seen the pictures and now you know his “secret” and open up to you but he may not. If your worried about him and want to see how he is then extend the olive branch and ask there is no harm in that. 

Post # 14
Member
1592 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m not sure why PPs are saying you haven’t reached out to him before and now suddenly you care after seeing his weight gain. It was clear to me you’ve put forth a lot of effort over the last few years and for some reason, he’s not matching that effort.

Be prepared to receive a lot of flack for this. I can understand your concern and desire to reach out. If his weight gain is as dramatic as you describe, it sounds like something is going on, whether it be depression, lack of caring, etc. 

I’ve never understood why weight is such a taboo issue. I mean, if he was drinking himself to death, or doing drugs that interfered with his life, people agree someone needs to step in. But if someone is eating themself to death, all of a sudden you’re an asshole for bringing it up. Obesity is incredibly dangerous.

I don’t see any harm in reaching out to him, but don’t bombard him with your concerns yet. Touch base, like “Hey! I miss you! Can we catch up sometime soon?” and go from there. 

Post # 15
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I don’t know why people are saying you only care now and that you should have reached out before lol

You mentioned how hard you tried to keep together the friendship but that he would have none of it.  I don’t have any advice sorry, but I just wanted to comment because it seems people are misreading your post or something odd.  Maybe just message him and ask how he’s doing in general

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