(Closed) I’m so upset right now….

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Is there any way that you can move closer to eachother so that you can see eachother more?  It sounds like a recent thing that he has been busy (and taxes can be incredibly tough but if he is having that many problems, maybe he should take them to a professional).  I think you need to have a serious discussion about this when you see him and let him know that it isn’t okay that he keeps blowing you off and pushing back your plans.  Maybe you could help him with some of the things he is struggling with so it doesn’t feel as hard on him?

Post # 5
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

Aww sweetie.. I know you and I have chatted before about this.. Long distance (in any capacity) is very very hard. I COMPLETELY understand what your feeling.. and it sucks. Hopefully when you two talk (after you two have both settled down a bit) you can explain to him why you’re feeling the way you are. Let him know your supportive of him and his job (etc..) but also let him know that you miss those intimate (sexual or otherwise) moments. If you have ever read “The five love languages”.. It sounds to me like you two have different types of love languages and neither yours nor his are being fulfilled. Feel free to PM me if you need to vent. 

Post # 8
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

@cute- I TOTALLY recommend buying that book. It changed my entire view of relationships period. I also read “His needs, her needs how to build an affair proof marriage”. Two of the best books to really help you understand why people act the way they do and how to help fix it.. In any case.. I know I have said this before but I really think when you two both calm down you need to have a conversation and be honest (try not to be too emotional when you do it.. I know I know easier said then done). Let him know your not trying to pressure him and you dont want him to feel that way, but you cherish the weekends because thats the only time you get as a couple together and those are very meaningful to you. I have had those nights that I am just a blubbering mess and it seems to only make my SO feel worse about everything. When we talk it out instead.. we actually seem to find solutions. 

 

Edit: I understand your fears.. especially because you have a daughter. Once that has happened to you, its very hard not to have those same insecurities. You just have to try and be as honest as you can with him about why you feel like you do.

Post # 9
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I live 3500 miles away from my Fiance & we’ve been doing it for 4 years… so I can feel your pain all too well!! So here’s my 2 cents!

Don’t start questioning your relationship, like “is he really busy or does he just not want to see me?” Don’t do that! It puts doubt in your mind & it’s going to mess with your relationship.

Reading his excuses as to why you aren’t seeing each other often really does sound legitimate! Do you drive? Can’t you go see him?? Perhaps he’s getting tired of always driving to see you?

For years I was always flying to my FI’s.. he’s been to my home 3 times (once a year). I’ve been to his state 20+ times (over 150 000 miles) & then after this past summer: I had enough. We didn’t see each other for 6 months (partially b/c he didn’t have his passport)! Once we reunited, he realized it was too long & now he’s booked 2 flights for the end of March & in May. I also can’t travel to the US anymore because of immigration… so now he has no choice! I think you need to make more of an effort to get to see him!

You shouldn’t have hung up on him, especially since he was trying to make plans. I don’t blame him for not picking up, if my Fiance did that I’d flip! It’s breaks the LDR code! It’s basically your only connection to him & it’s whats keeping you together when you’re apart.

I guess my advice is to just have faith in your relationship & don’t take him for granted. It sounds like he does a lot for you & it’s not fair to be putting this added pressure on him!

Post # 10
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Regarding the sex… it sounds like he’s under a lot of pressure!! Perhaps not seeing his gf + tax prep + a new property + tenants = a stressed out man? When I’m stressed I want it. When my FI’s stressed out, the littlest touch annoys him. Guys are wired differently!

Post # 11
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My two cents … I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but I think if he wanted to be seeing you more, he’d be seeing you more. Even if someone is busy or going through a crazy time, they will make space for the things they want to do and the people they want to see. He’s only an hour away! I went through a VERY similar situation (except I was in your BF’s shoes) and it got to a point where I was always too tired or didn’t feel like it or had some excuse why I wasn’t going to make the effort to see my Boyfriend or Best Friend because I wasn’t that crazy in love with him anymore, but was too much of a wimp to just break up. I did eventually, but it took like a year of me putting in minimal effort before I got sick of even doing that much. I was young and would NOT let it go on for that long now, but I know when someone’s jerking you around, because I used to be the jerker.

My fiance and I have been together for over six years now and we still always want to spend time with each other, no matter how crazy the rest of our lives are. You deserve to be with somebody who wants to see you all the time and be with you when things are crazy because being with you makes him feel calmer/relaxed/loved/good.

Anyway, good luck and I hope everything works out for you!

Post # 13
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Oh man… My Fiance and I actually broke up a year after we started dating. We were bickering over when to see each other too. He was becoming harder to reach & he wouldn’t make any definite plans for future visits… so we ended it. I wasn’t going to waste my time in an LDR playing those games.

Maybe you should address the elephant in the room & ask him point blank what is going on? After reading your response it does sound like something is up. You offered to hop on the bus, which is no inconvenience to him & he still said no?

Post # 16
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

My current & only FI! We officially started dating in April 2006 & we broke up July 2007 (before I was supposed to fly to see him– I flew to London instead!). We got back together in January 2008.

In order for a LDR to be successful (IMO) there needs to be timelines & goals. Once we got back together he had a plan & we were working towards it. It’s hard to blindly continue in an LDR without a purpose!!

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