(Closed) I'm soooo stressed out! :( Rly need to vent

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MrsHotPink:  Ugh! What a HORRIBLE family!

I would definitely talk to him about how uncomfortable you feel about the idea of her moving in with you.

I think we all know–once she moves in, she’s NEVER moving back out!

Post # 4
4702 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsHotPink:  I think the nice part about this problem is how supportive your Fiance is trying to be. HOWEVER, this should not come at your expense. I’d talk to him about how uncomfortable you are with this arrangement and voice your (very legitimate) concerns about the financial burden you’re about to shoulder. 

Post # 7
4702 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsHotPink:  I totally agree. Its hard, but even though they’re his parents, he shouldn’t be taken advantage of. It’s unfair to both of you. Good luck!


Post # 8
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Is this your house too?  I would suggest cousneling to help you both deal with this.  He should not be making unilateral decisions.  GL

Post # 10
182 posts
Blushing bee


Sorry your going through this. Tell him your stressed from the wedding and since this is the first time you will be living together you dont want to add any other stress in by supporting his mom. This is your house too, so its not just his decision. Be open about how you feel about his mom moving in. If he insists on it, maybe you can suggest she go stay with the daughter and granddaughters? 

About the garage-its your garage and you should get to put your car in there! Thats the whole point of having a garage. Just tell your Fiance that YOU are keeping your car in the garage and you dont mind sweeping everyday. Knock that idea out of his head right now. 

The garage really struck a cor with me. Me and my SO have been living in apts forever. We are nowhere close to being able to buy a house yet, but are already arguing about the garage. He is asking if he can have the whole garage, and I keep telling him hell no! The best part about having a house is being able to park in a garage. 

If I were you I would talk to your Fiance soon. I would not wait until he brings it up incase his parents are asking for answers already. I would be scared he might tell them its ok and tell you after the fact. 

Post # 14
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MrsHotPink:  Remember this is less about his parents and more about the boundries he sets with them. Let him know that now you two are a baby family and that means he has to set new boundries with his parents. It’s going to be painful to say No, but he has to learn how to do it for the sake of your new baby family. 

How he deals with this will show you if his priorities are with them (and always going to be them) or with you and your new baby family.

Post # 15
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this right now…I would be frustrated too!!

How would you feel if it were your parents who needed help?  Are they good with money?  At least you can feel good knowing that if you can help your Fiance be supportive with his family, then if your family ever needs help/place to stay, he def can’t complain.

The garage thing-I’d be upset about too.  You should be able to park your car there…If you Future Father-In-Law wasn’t going to park his car in there, you’d be sweeping up the mess anyway…so what difference does it make lol.  And the mom issue is a problem because, well, how long is this going to go on for?

I’m thinking that maybe you could try to help take a financial independence class WITH your Future Mother-In-Law, and maybe your Fiance too?  Maybe she’s just never learned basic money management…I learned a lot by reading ‘Your Money or Your Life’ and maybe that would be helpful too.  You wouldn’t need a class, you guys could go through the chapters and work through it together…and you could be like ‘I’m trying to learn financial skills, and I think it would be more fun if I had someone to do this with’.  Then she is (hopefully) not insulted and you two can bond over this.

As for the house…If you leave in a month, are you able to walk away from this investment?  If so, then, I can see your point about not letting the mom stay there and then leaving because, well…that’s not what you signed up for! 

Otherwise….have really loud sex until Future Mother-In-Law feels uncomftorable and gets the hint!!  J/K…I agree with PPs about counseling.  I can see your Fiance being all for family but maybe he doesn’t know how to convey the difference between being a supportive son and being a doormat, and he needs to learn the tools to effectively assert himself to them.

Good Luck!

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