(Closed) I'm sorry but I really don't want you to be a BM…what to say

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

If you don’t want her to be a bridesmaid, don’t ask her. Let her do what she wants. When she doesn’t get asked, and doesn’t have a bridesmaid dress, she’ll get the hint.  Limit her involvement in the day and invite her as a guest.

Post # 4
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

If you don’t want her- don’t have her. And tell her now so she isn’t expecting it. It will cause more drama later.

Post # 5
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you haven’t officially asked her, then I wouldn’t worry about it. Just keep her out of the loop when it comes to the activities.

Post # 6
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

don’t make a big deal of telling her she’s not, but to avoid an awkward conversation in the future, i’d tell her who IS. like next time over coffee when she asks how wedding planning is going “well we picked out a venue, i finally asked my bridal party, i went to my first wedding show”.. she’ll get the point.

Post # 7
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you’re uncomfortable then she shouldn’t be your BM. Read your previous post, and if she flaked on those things, it’s doubtful she will change. If she really wants to help then maybe ask her to help with coordinating events on the day of, or smaller tasks like assembling favors etc.

Post # 8
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

Just don’t ask her, unless you feel that you need to explain why you don’t want her as a bridesmaid? And if she ever brings it up, just say how you feel.

Post # 9
Member
9145 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@MeiFrancis:  +1

So long as you haven’t made any commitments to her as far as being a BM you don’t owe her an explanation.  If she asks (which would be the apex of rudeness) tell her that you already asked your attendants and that there were only so many you could ask based on numbers and symmetry.  She probably does expect it since you were her MOH (she obviously thinks of you as a close friend on some level, or used to at the time of her wedding) but being in a bridal party does not automatically mean you have to invite that bride to be in yours.

Post # 10
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Just don’t ask her.. Have her be a guest and move on. Your right the ppl that are going to be there for you and your FI 100% and fully happy and want to do nothing but help you.

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