(Closed) I’m sorry, but we’re poor too

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m sorry, I might be confused, but the impression I got, and the impression that I’m sure your Maid/Matron of Honor has, is that your monther was paying for her hair.  Did you ever contact her and explain that unfortunately your  mother is not able to pay anymore?  I dont’ think she is dictating what you give them, but rather just voicing the fact that she is surprised by the email since you told her your mother was paying.

Post # 4
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think it’s all about expectations. Too bad that you gave her an expectation. It’s just human nature. She’s not sympathizing how much hassle and trouble you’re also dealing with. She probably isn’t gonna hold this against you or even think about it too much afterwards so don’t think about it and no need to bring it up again.

Post # 5
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I don’t think your should be mad at your Maid/Matron of Honor.

Did you acknowledge that it was a change of plans?  She may have been looking forward to having her hair done for free (as a gift- as she says) and not budgeted for it- then to get an e-mail informing her that she can pay her own way or do it herself would be offputting.

It doesn’t sound like she had a hissy fit or anything, but she’s probably a little miffed (especially if she thought that was a GIFT).  Presumably she doesn’t know about the other gifts you’v already purchased and is just bummed that she won’t be getting ready with you.

Post # 6
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with above posters.  She was probably under the impression that it was going to be a gift and now she’s surprised that she may have to pay for it.

Post # 7
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think you probably should have explained the situation in the first email. Acknowledged that you know you told them it would be paid for, but your mother is no longer able to pay for it and it isn’t in your budget, so you would be fine with them doing their own hair. It was probably just her being surprised/confused by the fact that you said your mom was paying and then didn’t mention it later.

Post # 9
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I totally understand how quickly expenses for a wedding add up! You think you have this budget then all of a sudden it’s way down and you still have more to pay for!
I agree with MissPenny that she seems more surpried than anything. She may not have responded in the way you would have liked, but just remember that she was expecting your mom to pay for this since you told her that before. Have you tried telling her how it all went down (unexpected expenses) and pointing out that, while you really wish your mom could still do this, the presents you gave them before are going to be it?

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, seeing as how they initially thought they were getting their hair done, and now you aren’t, I would be miffed if i were her, too.

Just because you paid for your own wedding and house doesn’t mean it gives you the right to take-back without appropriate explanation. She’s poor, too.

So is your mom paying for the wedding? is it in your personal budget at all to swing this with maybe a hair school? Personally, when I say I’m going to do something, I find a way to make it work, so yeah, i’d be annoyed. $65 is a chunk of money for hair, but i’m sure she’ll look fine if she does it herself. I can do updos on my friends (nothing fancy, but better than i can do on myself!) is it possible for the girls to get together and do each others? I think that sounds fun =].

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ohhh, I thought you told them your mom was paying for the hair. I think it’s a little presumptuous of her to ask out right like that, then. Kinda puts you in an awkward situation.

Post # 14
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

Just a thought here, but you said you already made them all appointments?  So maybe she feels some sort of pressure like she HAS to get her hair done due to the fact that there is already an appointment in place?

Post # 15
Member
900 posts
Busy bee

If she said “What are we doing about hair” she probably wasn’t asking if you were paying.  She might have just wanted to know if you expected everyone to wear it a certain way or all go to the same place.  I had people ask because they wanted to know if they needed to book appointments at their own salons.

Post # 16
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Can you just cover her then, since the offer was originally put on the table?

The topic ‘I’m sorry, but we’re poor too’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors