(Closed) I'm speechless! How would you respond to this email if you were me?

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 77
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think she did anything wrong. She might not understand what you’re going through and she feels like you’re not putting in enough effort. I’d let it slide this time and just reply: “I am sorry you’re feeling like I’m not putting in any effort. I’m going through a really difficult time and am just not feeling really social right now. I do care about our friendship and will reach out when I’m feeling better.”

Post # 79
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

if you feel bad for her and she is a sad person, i think you should do what someone else suggested and downgrade to acquaintance.

“dear needs-a-cheeseburger,

i’m sorry you haven’t heard from me in a while. our dog actually died, and it’s hit both of us extremely hard, but thank you for asking.

it seems like perhaps given the many responsibilities i have, i’m not able to offer as much of my time/friendship as you’d like. i would love to remain friendly with you, but i don’t want you to feel discontent or mistreated. right now there’s a ton going on, so i would feel guilty intimating otherwise to you lest i be unable to live up to expectations.

i wish you the best, and for now i think i’ll have to leave it at “see you at the gym!”

–birdi

 

Post # 82
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee

@Birdi:  I don’t stay friends with people like that.  I wouldn’t reply to the email, and the next time I ran into her at the gym I would be cordial but distant. 

 

Post # 83
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@Birdi:  I wasn’t trying to insinuate you were a mean girl AT ALL. I don’t know how you got that idea but I’m sorry, I tried to make it clear I was separating the fact I thought some PPs were rude from my advice to you. This is the kind of situation I can see myself in because I hate to be mean to people so I totally understand where you’re coming from. 

Post # 84
Member
5982 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Birdi:  i wouldnt respond to anyone like this. she doesnt deserve a response. also, i am so sorry for your loss. i went and read your other post about your baby. i cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. you did everythign you could for him and he is very greatful. thank you for being such a compassionate and wonderful pet mom. XO

Post # 85
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

Eek! Those who doesn’t want to help themselves can’t be helped. Such denial and anger from this lady acquaintance!! Her denial brings me back to this modern-day parable: God sends a man a boat and a helicopter as God tries to save man from drowning, but man refused help as it wasn’t God Himself who came to rescue him.

Nobody can make her own situation better but herself. I’m also slowly learning to stop being nice to negative people as listening attentively to their complaints/whining/pity-party-for-one; etc wouldn’t help. Fiance gave me the best advice: we can only lead by example or doing things ourselves. 🙂

Post # 86
Member
2946 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m so sorry to hear about your Bogie 🙁 

As for the email, add my vote to the “don’t even bother responding” camp.

Post # 89
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Sorry for your loss! Well, there is a reason that she has no other friends, she is nuts… It sounds like you do not need her friendship. Ignore her and block her if at all possible. If she sees you at the gym, let her know that in your oh so BUSY schedule, you do not and will not have time to deal with her EVER again. Be as polite as possible because she really seems lonely, crazy, and pathetic. Just distance yourself from her as much as you can, and if what she says is true, then this “friendship” will fall to the side since you don’t have time to respond to her…

Post # 90
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’d probably just continue to ignore her, but I’m hopeless when it comes to conflict and my approach is always “maybe if I ignore this, it will go away!”. 

Post # 91
Member
5982 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

View original reply
@Birdi:  we feel the same about our two rescue cats.  hang in there sweetie. take care of yourself

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