Post # 1
Looking for a little bee advice on how to handle this…hopefully a wiser bee will read and help me : )
My FH is in college and taking loooots of credits (super busy) so he’s got no money right now. As I’m older, graduated, and have a good job, this means I pay for everything for us when we are together (we are long-distance currently). This weekend we were able to see one another and so we went shopping for our wedding rings. We found some for a great price and so naturally, I paid for them both because he’s got no money. You can imagine then, how mad I was when I hopped on facebook this morning and saw him writing to some buddies about taking a fun “road trip across the country” in the spring. Um…where is he getting money for this road trip? If he does have money, why would he want to sit by and let me spend all my hard earned dollars while he plans a fun excursion for him and 2 other dudes? WTF. My initial reaction is to jump all over him but I’m holding myself back because I think there’s probably a better way to handle this. Bees, what do you think is the best way to deal with this issue?
Post # 3
@pvaultingirl: oooooooh that would definitely get under my skin too! :/ I think you should wait until you aren’t so irritated about it and then casually say “What’s this about a road trip?” I wouldn’t come out and flat out ask him how he is paying for that, maybe a friend is sponsoring it? If he IS paying for it himself though I think that should be an important talk you have, because you are right it’s not fair for you to pay for everything and then he can use his money for all the “fun” stuff’
edit: the title of your post with the spittin mad totally made me think of will ferrell in kickin and screaming lol
Post # 4
Eh – it could be just talk. My husband used to make lots of “plans” with friends, but didn’t always follow through (that has changed since we got married). I used to think it was his way of trying to stay “cool” and connected to his friends. Is there a chance that this is all talk? He just wants to appear like he can still do whatever he wants, when he wants with his friends? Sometimes, admitting that you are financially constrained can put a damper on a guy’s ego.
Post # 5
Wait until you’re calmed down just a little! The boards really help with that! I’d have a very similar reaction to you though. Why does he get to spend his money on fun things (not that rings aren’t fun, but you catch my drift), while you spend your money on everything wedding related and your existence?
I’d sit him down and have a talk about it. Just let him know that it’s really not cool that he’s going to go on a road trip with his friends while you have to spend your money on your own ring. But do it when you’re a little more calmed down so you don’t fly off the handle at him!
Post # 6
calm down a little, then have a talk with him. don’t be accusatory, but mention what you saw and ask him to explain. then explain how you feel – that you’re spending all of your money and you’re concerned about his finances. explain that since you’re engaged, money decisions should happen together. a pp is right, guys especially tend to talk about grand plans they never go through with, so it’s probably nothing!
Post # 7
I agree with the others. Calm down, have time to relax, and then ask him about it. Don’t hit him with a bad attitude, just talk. You may not even want to talk about the trip, just talk finances.
Post # 8
I’d be pissed. If he’s planning something so big he’s gotta tell you about it. Wait to see about the logistics of the trip. Maybe he isn’t paying for as much as you think. Road trips can be pricey, but it really depends on where they’re going who’s paying for gas, etc.
However, sometimes men can be a little… silly with their money. Seeing that he is younger than you maybe he doesn’t have his priorities in check yet? (He doesn’t have the money for a ring but he has the money for a road trip) It sounds like maybe it’s something that, regardless of how much is spent on said trip, you need to sit down and have a talk over finances.
Post # 9
Agre with PP. I’d just talk to him and tell him you saw the post on facebook and ask if that was just talk or something he’s really planning to do. If he says he’s really planning to do it, (calmly) explain to him that you feel he should be taking a more equal share of the financial burden related to your wedding before he plans “extras” like that and see what he says.
Post # 10
I definitely say let the boiling pot cool a bit. He is a guy and sometimes even when they know better they say and do silly things. I would however ask him if he really plans on a trip when there’s so much going on…but in a “hey by the way” conversation….not a “WE NEED TO TALK”. Best of Luck and go drink an ICEE/Smoothie…always brightens my damper moods.
Post # 11
Ohh, if he is anything like my FH, they always make grand plans that never, ever actualize.
In the past year alone, FH and his best friend have decided to go to Vegas, take motorcycles to Chicago, open a sports store, buy handguns, etc.
Umm, none of the above have happened, LOL.
I would give it some time, then casually mention it.
Post # 12
@Linz1231: yeah my hubby and his friends have planned extravagant trips to Sturgis, yet to see that happen
Post # 13
@2PeasinaPod:the boards really do help!
and @missfireslayer:, that is exactly how i felt when i saw his little posts! I thought “Why do i have to be responsible with my money and you get to do whatever you want?!”
I suppose the fair, mature thing to do would be to ask him when im cooled down and let him have a chance to explain what exactly is going on. I have to admit though that these types of situations don’t make me feel mature and level-headed because all i want to do is punch something lol
Post # 14
My Fiance also makes grand plans to do long expensive road trips with his guy friends and then in the end they never end up going. SO it could be all talk. I would just wait till you are talkin about somthing that you need to buy and just say ” hey you should pay for that” and if he says he hasnt go any money, just respond and say ” well you can save up for it, just like your saving up for your road trip” and then see what he says.
Post # 15
You’re pretty wise yourself if you’re holding back and thinking about how to handle this:) I’d be pretty upset too.
That said, I think the best way to go about this is to just let him know, as calmly as you can, how you feel about him spending his extra money on a guys’ trip rather than saving it for more important things. If he’s truly ready to be married, he will understand where you’re coming from. If he throws the you’re-putting-the-ball-and-chain-on-me-already argument at you, then perhaps he needs to re-evaluate what marriage really means.
My Fiance is in grad school, so like you, I’m left taking care of all the finances. When I told my fiance that my girlfriends broached the idea of going on a girls only cruise, he was a bit hurt because we don’t have much expendable cash, and he thought that any vacation we took would at least be for the both of us… I totally saw where he was coming from and felt awful. Maybe let your Fiance know that you’re hurt that he didn’t want to spend his extra cash on something the both of you could enjoy together (and maybe include the friends if you don’t mind).
Post # 16
@Linz1231:lol thats a lot of grand plans. I gotta say my FH is guilty of coming up with grand plans with his friends that never actually happened. Buying a motorcycle, buying a lotus (LOL…riiight), running an ultra-marathon with no prior training…ect. A casual finances talk is probably in order as soon as im collected