- 9 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Ok for background, I got engaged on Christmas Eve, 2010 and pretty much have had all of my bridesmaids since then.
I’m currently in law school and work around 30 hours a week, so I don’t have a lot of time to plan nor the patience to deal with drama. I chose all 6 of my bridesmaids for a purpose and do have expectations. So please don’t comment stating something along the lines of “bridesmaids are only required to showup” because etiquette tolls differently and my bridesmaids KNOW what I expect of them. If anything at all, I expect them to be reliable, courteous and considerate.
So, with that being said:
Episode #1) Engagement Party: Invitations were sent out and I notified all of my bridesmaids to please arrive an hour before the start time. One Bridesmaid or Best Man was working and was going to arrive late–no biggie. Two BM’s were coming in from out of town and showed up on time. I excused the Bridesmaid or Best Man that lives 3 hours away from attending. However, my Maid/Matron of Honor at the time, “lost” her invitation, forgot about the party, asked me where it was and when it was and showed up probably 1.5-2hours late. She wore all black, I noticed though hoped it wasn’t intentional. She didn’t talk to anyone, but rather stayed outside chain smoking cigarettes. She then left probably thirty minutes after she arrived. She got angry with me for not talking to her more, not introducing her to people, etc. Then she made some passive-aggressive post on facebook regarding me.
Episode #2) Trying on Dresses: I invited all of my bridesmaids to go with me to try on wedding dresses and them briesmaid dresses. Maid/Matron of Honor agreed to go. I even reminded her a week before the appointment. Then I hadn’t heard from her until the day before the appointment and wondered if she was still going to go, so I text her. She never texts me back. So the morning of the appointment, I text her again asking if she’s going because my mom was going to drive. She states that she’s going out of town and that I never gave her any notice about it. So she doesn’t go. She then later uploads a bunch of pictures via mobile to facebook all from her house (she never went out of town).She then also says that she “has to get skinny first” before she tries on any dresses or gets measured. After I send her a picture of the bridesmaid dress we choose, she claims she likes it because she thinks it’ll go good with her tan and dark hair. Then wants to know how she should wear her hair?
Episode #3) Showers: Maid/Matron of Honor persists that I should have a lingerie/”true romance” party 10 months before my wedding. None of the other bmaids agree. She’s really irking the other bridesmaids because of the way she’s treating them and the way she’s treating me. I tell her that it should wait until at least 6 months before the wedding. She gets mad that I don’t agree with her and goes off on me about all the expenses that she will have to pay for the showers, wedding, and bridesmaid dress and that my showers need to be spread out to suit people. Not only that, she wants to host it at my PARENTS house and she’ll be the host so that she can reap the benefit of discounts. She also wanted to invite all of HER friends and HER co-workers. I tell her no because I feel uncomfortable doing that. I also have a busy schedule with law school and don’t have the time to afford. She gets so mad, tells me to cancel with the lady and to uninvite all of my friends. I get another passive-aggressive facebook post about me.
After Episode #1s-3, I’ve caught her in many lies, feel mistreated and that she’s not considering my feelings. So I try to talk to her about it, including her covering up her tattoos. She gets very defensive about everything. At that point, I’m aggravated and suggest that she just be a bridesmaid. She gets so mad at me, the conversation ended with her saying our friendship is over, never talk to her again, etc. 3 days go by without her talking to me at all so I talk to my friend that hosted the Engagement Party for me and ask her to be my MOH–which she is thrilled, absolutely ecstatic! (which was nice seeing some enthusiasm from a Maid/Matron of Honor for a change!)
The previous Maid/Matron of Honor finally apologizes and asks to be part of the wedding party again. Things have been smooth sailing since this transition.We’ll just call her “G”
However, Episode #4) The Bridesmaid Dress. My bridesmaids have known since June when, where and how much their bridesmaid dress is and that the deadline is in October. I sent PLENTY of notices about ordering the dress since G requires 2 week, 1 week and day prior notices. Well the deadline passed and all of the bridesmaids have ordered their dress, EXCEPT G. She claims she’s having money problems etc. (However, for the past 4 months, she’s been going to have her hair and nails done in addition to spa treatments, facials and massages). The dress is $200, which only $100 needs to be paid to order it. I try to be understanding about certain financial woes, but I can only sympathize so much since she’s known about this for 4 months. So I try to talk to her about her financial difficulties, which she makes her situation sound like she’ll never be able to afford the dress. I tell her if she needs to bow out of the wedding to get her finances in order, I understand. She gets mad that I say this feeling belittled and that only friends with money can be a bridesmaid. She says she wants to be apart of the wedding so she “can get dolled up!”So I ask her when she thinks she’ll be able to pay for the dress? she gets mad because she’s feeling pressured and thinks I’m treating her like a doormat. She finally says this weekend she’ll pay for the dress. Well, she goes out drinking Friday and never gets around to ordering it.
I don’t have the extra money to pay for her dress. Plus, she needs to get sized. I feel like she’s making everything about her. I’m about to throw the towel in and just give up! She argues with me about EVERYTHING. She’s definitely caused more drama and stress than I care for. I feel that bridesmaids should feel honored to be part of your wedding day and that they should deserve to stand next to you. If they aren’t beneficial to you or helping you out in any way, then why have them?? This is just the beginning! I don’t know what the future has in store for showers, etc. I just don’t know what to do….