I'm starting to hate the whole idea of a wedding. Looking for advice.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I hear you sister! I have stage fright to the maximum and am really shy. Stage fright to the point where when I used to play at piano competitions I would get so nervous that my arms would fall asleep. My voice shakes during public speaking.

Here are my tidbits

1) We also have a long walk-way entrance, so I am coming in from the side

2) I know your fiance wanted to see you framed by yourself. We are doing first-look photos before the ceremony. Is this an option for him?

3) We are doing mother-son and father-daughter dances together so it is not just me and my dad dancing. I had considered an option of letting guests blow bubbles while we were doing our first dance but fiance nixed it because he thought it was cheesy. I liked the idea though!

4) I have a pharmacologic back-up. My primary care physician gave me a few very low dose ativans to take just in case the day becomes too much (not with alcohol though!!!). We had both wanted a beta-blocker for me instead (med that slows the heart rate and makes you feel less nervous) but my blood pressure was too low for that. I probably won’t be taking any pills that day but it is nice to know you have something just in case.

I know how you feel about being unhappy with wedding planning. However be assured that it gets better and you’ll feel better as you get more things accomplished. I have yet to get married, but i have friends who have felt the same way and still thought their wedding day was amazing. Good luck and feel free to PM me.

Post # 20
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

elope, courthouse wedding, destination wedding…it weeds out people fast!

Post # 21
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

How about a screen or door-type object at the foot of the stairs, or some type of tall “tent” like enclosure that you can wait in before the ceremony? Those stairs are very daunting.

Yes I agree that taking pills on your wedding day sounds weird and I’m pretty sure I won’t be doing so, but for me it is comforting to know that I have something relaxing and short-acting just “in case”.

On a side note, GORGEOUS venue!!! I love it!! 😀

Post # 22
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Holy crap, that is a lot of stairs. I see why you’re nervous!

Would your Fiance be willing to compromise by waiting for you halfway down the stairs? That way he’d still get the dramatic entrance, and an even more private/special moment because you’d be off by yourselves a bit (and it’s not like you’re going to be able to make eye contact with him if you’re at the top of those stairs and he’s waiting at the altar), but you’d only have to make it halfway down before taking his arm and then walking in together.

Even if that particular solution isn’t to your taste, it sounds like your Fiance is directly or indirectly responsible for adding considerably to your nervousness (giant family=larger wedding than you wanted; demanding that you walk down all of those stairs alone; Future Mother-In-Law insisting on dances). If you are seriously losing sleep over this stuff 9 months before your wedding, he needs to come up with some sort of compromise to make things easier on you. This is your wedding too, and you should get to enjoy it!

Post # 23
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Recently at my cousins wedding, I played Pippa Middleton by helping getting her lacey dress over the mulch at her arboretum venue. What if you had a bridesmaid/close friend helping you w your dress and calming your nerves? Hubby would still only see you…

Post # 24
Member
47175 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Having seen your pics, I must say- Wow! What a venue!

I would have your Fiance meet you halfway down the stairs, about where those shrubs start. That way he gets to see you framed in the doorway and you get his support the rest of the way.

Post # 26
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Drink a few glasses of wine before walking down the aisle it so worked for me, i felt the same way as you just about everything you said!  IT was worth it!  But we had a small actual wedding at the beach and then a reception one month later.  When I look back at money spent, time obsessing, and the memories of it all it was definitely worth it! 

Post # 28
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe just one glass of wine? 😉

Having your Fiance meet you partway on the stairs and escort you the rest of the way down is a great idea. What a beautiful setting!

Post # 30
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@katehh08:  Yay! I’m so glad! And your venue is incredible. Please post a recap next spring, because I really want to see pictures!

Post # 31
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I didnt read all the responses, but here are my suggestion:

Have your Fiance wait for you at the bottom of the stairs.  This way, he’ll have his moment seeing you when you come out.  Then, he should walk up to the top of the stairs and walk you down the aisle.  I think it would be super sweet and romantic.  My other suggestion is to have anyone else give you away.  You don’t seem to care about traditions – what about your MOH?  A sibling?  It can be anyone that you would love to have walk down the aisle with you for support. 

As for the Mother/Son dance, my FI’s mother passed away a long time ago and so he won’t be having one.  I haven’t decided yet whether I want to do one or not with my dad, but I wouldn’t think it’s weird for me to have one and for him to not.  However, as a resolution to all of your dancing problems, what if you had a first-dance-couples-only-dance.  Instead of it just being you and your Fiance, you immediately invite all the couples to join on the dance floor for the first dance.  This way, you won’t be alone. 

And try to enjoy this time.  I know you’re shy, but this is your time to have your moment and there’s no reason for you to feel anything less than amazing on your wedding day, so let them all look on!  They’ll enjoy what they’re seeing, I’m sure.  And you can just tune them out and focus on your Fiance.  It’s really just the 2 of you anyway. 

Good luck!

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors