I'm still so angry

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
4254 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I do agree with you that she is making big strides in moving on.  However…anger is not exactly a productive emotion when you hold onto it for too long.  It absolutely is part of the grieving process, but excessive anger can hinder progress when it is held onto for a long time.

Post # 17
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Anger is good. It’s an indication that you have strong self respect and event though you may have seen the last 5 years as a huge waste of time just be glad that you are not looking back on 10 or 15 years with this anger.

Post # 19
Member
9131 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

sortawaitingbee :  I think it’d be worth sitting down with a lawyer and having them draft a “we need to put the house up for sale or I’m taking you to court” letter. I mean come on! What a dick! You need to sell that damn house and move on from this bullshit. Good luck 🙂

Post # 21
Member
5894 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

sortawaitingbee :  I’d be angry too!  I think it’s healthy to acknowledge your anger and let it out, then after a period of time move on.  It’s only been a few months since you ended this relationship and you can’t expect to be completely through your grieving process yet (not grieving for him, but grieving for the relationship you thought you had).

If I were you, I’d be thinking about treating myself to some kick boxing classes in addition to that therapy to see if it helps you process the anger.  I don’t know if that kind of thing really works, but even if it doesn’t help you let go of your anger, who doesn’t want to learn to kick box?

The other I’d focus on is the learning journey you’re on because of that guy.  Instead of letting it damage you it sounds like you’re going to have this experience make you stronger.  You’re doing the right things to learn more about yourself, what you need, and how to get it. 

I had a boyfriend for 3 years who didn’t treat me right – he wasn’t the worst, but he didn’t really listen to me or respect my boundaries, he was controlling and jealous and very insecure.  Not great.  I spent the last 2 years of the relationship knowing I needed to break up with him but not doing it because I was a chicken shit and was worried I’d hurt him too much (WTF?).  Once I finally moved on I was frustrated with myself for wasting so much time with him, but that expereince taught me so much about what I didn’t want in a relationship and I think it really helped me have more productive relationships afterwards.  

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