Post # 16
I do agree with you that she is making big strides in moving on. However…anger is not exactly a productive emotion when you hold onto it for too long. It absolutely is part of the grieving process, but excessive anger can hinder progress when it is held onto for a long time.
Post # 17
Anger is good. It’s an indication that you have strong self respect and event though you may have seen the last 5 years as a huge waste of time just be glad that you are not looking back on 10 or 15 years with this anger.
Post # 18
Thanks bees for being so supportive. I’m trying to take it one day at a time but it is so hard…I do adult coloring for stress relief and hit the gym because I do need outlets. The thing I guess I struggle with is that I was so good to him, even when I left I paid the entire house insurance for the next year because I know he couldn’t afford it, and I even told him I would work with him if he wanted to buy me out if he wanted to pay me in a couple installments and instead he responded by making my life extremely difficult since I moved out. He even told his mechanic not to help me when I bought the new car and reached out to his mechanic directly just to ask him to check it out and make sure I got a good deal because I’ve trusted him and taken my car to him for years. The mechanic said yes, and agreed to a date and upon speaking to my ex changed his mind. I know logically I shouldn’t be surprised that he is treating me this way now that we aren’t together when he couldn’t be good to me when we were together. It’s just hard to know I have literally most of my cash tied up in this house, and he’s benefitting and making my life very difficult to get my money back. I always helped him and had his back, and I would never treat someone like that. Anywoo I suppose I just have to be patient with myself as you all have suggested and let the anger pass naturally. I just feel like such a fool so I’m angry at both him and myself for being so gullible.
Post # 19
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
sortawaitingbee : I think it’d be worth sitting down with a lawyer and having them draft a “we need to put the house up for sale or I’m taking you to court” letter. I mean come on! What a dick! You need to sell that damn house and move on from this bullshit. Good luck 🙂
Post # 20
lolot : thanks I spoke to a few lawyers and my best bet is to find one who will help me through the entire process as I already sent my ex that letter and he did not respond…twice…I found someone who will help me for a flat fee instead of hourly and that’s who I’m going to go with, I’m just coming up with the cash because it’s a lot to put out at once, and an expense I wasn’t anticipating. I have an emergency fund but that would clean out my emergency fund money and I can’t take that risk since I’m literally on my own on the east coast and have no where to go if an emergency arises….anyway it’s a mess I’m doing what I have to do but I’m frustrated because I did things right legally to avoid this exact situation. I just didn’t anticipate my ex being a d**k. Ultimately the house will get sold and I will get my money because the contract we have is solid – he’s just going to make my life miserable to enforce it. I’ll be ok though. I’m grateful that we had that contract because of I didn’t push for it I would be seriously screwed.
Post # 21
sortawaitingbee : I’d be angry too! I think it’s healthy to acknowledge your anger and let it out, then after a period of time move on. It’s only been a few months since you ended this relationship and you can’t expect to be completely through your grieving process yet (not grieving for him, but grieving for the relationship you thought you had).
If I were you, I’d be thinking about treating myself to some kick boxing classes in addition to that therapy to see if it helps you process the anger. I don’t know if that kind of thing really works, but even if it doesn’t help you let go of your anger, who doesn’t want to learn to kick box?
The other I’d focus on is the learning journey you’re on because of that guy. Instead of letting it damage you it sounds like you’re going to have this experience make you stronger. You’re doing the right things to learn more about yourself, what you need, and how to get it.
I had a boyfriend for 3 years who didn’t treat me right – he wasn’t the worst, but he didn’t really listen to me or respect my boundaries, he was controlling and jealous and very insecure. Not great. I spent the last 2 years of the relationship knowing I needed to break up with him but not doing it because I was a chicken shit and was worried I’d hurt him too much (WTF?). Once I finally moved on I was frustrated with myself for wasting so much time with him, but that expereince taught me so much about what I didn’t want in a relationship and I think it really helped me have more productive relationships afterwards.