(Closed) I’m still struggling bees. :-/

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m a lurker that went so far as to make an account to send you some advice:

My SO is in law school, and let me tell you, law school eats up your life!  He’s lucky to get 4-6 hours of sleep a night, and between LSAT prep & (unpaid!) internships, he hasn’t had a summer ‘break’ since undergrad.  His only “vacation” since starting law school was a 4-week study abroad program, and he only had 1 weekend the whole trip to enjoy it!

My recomendation is to have a talk with your SO, see how he feels about long engagements, and possibly getting engaged while he’s in school with the caviat that you’ll plan the wedding to happen after school (& the Bar Exam!) is over, so he’ll have the time and be de-stressed enough to enjoy it.  Its a wait, but at 22 & 23, you’re young enough to do the wait (IMO)

SO and I decided to wait until after his parents pay the very last law school tuition bill before getting engaged, and that will happen shortly after our 8th anniversary (& then I have to wait till spring semester to be ‘suprised’, because he wants to give me that ‘amazing proposal story’).  Its been a rough road, and yeah it hasn’t helped that a bunch of my friends are all caught-up in the post-college rush to the alter, but we’ll still be only 25 & 26 when he gives me the ring.

It helped a lot, and might help you a lot, to KNOW that its coming, with a rough guideline of when.  I fully admit that if SO hadn’t told me that yes, he will propose to & marry me, and it WILL happen before X (or I am free to walk), I might not have stuck around so long, but I think that’s understandable as no one wants to spend years and years wondering IF it will ever happen.

Post # 18
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am in law school and we got engaged during the second semester of my first year. I WILL NOT get married while I’m in law school. I say that though because I’m a woman and we are typically tasked with all of the planning! I’ve seen three male classmates get married while in law school and one girl my year got married just last week. So it’s possible, but finding the time is the hard part. 

Another thought though, is that law school is CRAZY EXPENSIVE! Even with a scholarship I’m walking away with a massive debt. I’m lucky to have a Fiance with a great job that can support me, but I could never think of making a large purchase right now. Perhaps that’s a factor that he’s concerned about in addition to feeling overwhelmed about the commitment.

Sidenote: Be prepared to not have a SO the first year of law school. Even though I’m only an hour away from my Fiance, we only saw each other MAAAAYYBBBEE 10 times during the school year including our engagement. We didn’t spend very much time on the phone either. I’m a Type A personality and was very focused. You have to be ready to handle that. A lot of law school relationships simply don’t make it after the first semester. I can count 7 including 2 engagements.  Not to be a Debbie Downer, but it’s really stressful.

Post # 19
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
@delovelyjenn: I love that boys are stupid comment 🙂

@Miss Patience: Have an honest and open talk with your SO about how you feel. I don’t think there is anything wrong with letting him know. Maybe you can come to a compromise with timelines. 

Post # 20
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@MissPatience: Well, from what I understand, he said he may not have time for a real honeymoon… but he didn’t say you couldn’t get married. My Fiance and I are getting married while still in the middle of a school semester, so no real honymoon for us for a while. So maybe he just wants to have a delayed honeymoon?

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