(Closed) Im stuck in the middle! A total Vent!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Is this your sister’s first wedding? To me it wouldn’t matter, but A LOT of people feel differently. They may think they already gave you lots of support on your first wedding (financially and emotionally) and now it’s your sister’s turn. 

Post # 5
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I got engaged almost exactly 4 weeks before my sister in laws wedding but my husband and I made a point to put off planning until after her wedding out of respect for her – she deserved to have the spotlight and I knew I would have mine too eventually. I don’t think you have grounds to be upset about the timeline of engagement but your family could be a little more sympathetic to your feelings.

I’m so sorry you are going through this and that they are not being supportive 🙁 but you are lucky to have such amazing inlaws who are excited for you!

Post # 6
Member
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Sheepshead:  ITA! When you day comes you will once again have all the attention you need. But focusing on things like FB posts will only drive you crazy.

Post # 7
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can feel your pain.  Honestly just ignore them. It would have made more sense for them to wait but you cant change that now. 

At my Fiance and I’s “engagement” dinner this family threw, his sister announced her pregnancy. 2 months later his brother decided to propose to his Girlfriend (even after he has stated he doesnt see the point in marriage etc). But they are having a 2 year engagement. So why not wait? We got about a week where things were about us and now we are put to the back burner again. It seems to be a standard in his family and i take it personally. You can only say try and focus on how wonderful your Fiance is and be happy in that. 

Post # 9
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

We’re in a similar situation.  It’s my second wedding and FI’s first wedding, but second marriage.  My parents paid for mine the first time around and his didn’t even know about it until more than a week afterwards.  His brother is also getting married next month and has been planning for a little more than a year.  In some ways, I did feel bad about “stealing their thunder” but there are a few reasons that we decided to go ahead and get engaged 6-8 weeks before their wedding. 

I’m not going to ask my parents to pay for another wedding.  I might ask them to pay my cake balance or flowers for xmas, but other than that I don’t plan on asking for anything.  If they offer that’s great, but so far their attitude has been such that I don’t expect it to happen. 

FI’s parents on the other hand are paying for half of his brother’s wedding despite the fact that only about 30 of the 175 guests are from his side.  Future Mother-In-Law asked the other night how much my parents were contributing.  I guess she was going to match that amount.  I told her the situation.  Now I guess she’s just planning on doing the rehersal dinner, which I had actually planned on self-catering for < $100. 

I know that it’s ultimately our responsibility to pay for the wedding we want.  However, the money situation sucks sometimes.  As far as FI’s family goes I feel bad for him because it’s been obvious for awhile that there is a golden child in the family and he’s not it.  It’s that way in my family too with my little brother, but I can better understand my parents situation with the money.

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