(Closed) I'm such a terrible person!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Awkward. I subscribe to the ideal that if you have a clear idea of what you want, you probably should plan it yourself. I’m not sure what to advise under the current circumstances since I pretty much detest bachlorette parties, but I’d definitely try to do some damage control – either by giving your non-BP a heads up that things changed or by taking over the planning yourself. Good luck!

Post # 3
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

it’s only rude if guests don’t have a clear idea of time. I simply don’t understand why people who RSVP can’t come to dinner with you. You aren’t terrible, because the whole thing sounds weird. Come drink for an hour, then go home because you can’t sit at the same table as us for dinner? Who would even want to go to that? There must have been some disconnect in planning, that even the most laidback bride would questions. 

Post # 4
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Part of the problem might be the size of the guest list. Have you considered the logistical nightmare of planning an outing and dinner for 30 people? That’s a lot of work to drop on your MoH and maybe this is the best she could do.

Post # 5
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s really not that hard to tell 30 people a restaurant to be at. Honestly I think that’s a bit weird of your Maid/Matron of Honor. And you obviously wanted to spend the evening with ALL of your friends. No one has to pay for then to go to dinner, what’s the harm in inviting them to it?

Post # 6
1984 posts
Buzzing bee

Um, I was always under the impression that the bachelorette party was only for the bridal party anyway. And she’s the one planning it. Not you. Maybe she couldn’t afford the list you had given, but still wanted to include them somehow.

Post # 7
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It’s definitely rude to invite people to one part of the event and not the other.  It’s like, “Oh, I guess you can come for an hour, but you’re not good enough to have dinner with us.” I would definitely talk to you Maid/Matron of Honor about this and how it might hurt some people’s feelings.  Also, if they have to drive after the tasting they can barely drink anything, which makes it way less fun.

Total side note: it’s on Long Island, not in Long Island. This is something that drives Long Islanders crazy to hear.

Post # 8
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

As a bride you can tell your Maid/Matron of Honor what you want but ultimately a party like a Bachelorette is hosted by your Maid/Matron of Honor and she gets final say on what the plans are and where to cut the guestlist to fit in the plans (generally because she is financially responsible for the party on some level.)  It’s only awkward because you made promises to people that you weren’t authorized to make since you aren’t hosting the party.

If you don’t like what she’s planned you will likely come off as ungrateful if you complain.  What you can do is ask why so many people you would have liked to be there seem to have been left out of the plans.  But be nice about it and see what her response is.  Your Maid/Matron of Honor may have limited dinner to the bridal party to give you all time to bond before the wedding as well as party; something that might be difficult if it’s 20-30 women versus 6-8.  Hopefully you two will be able to figure out a compromise or an alternative plan for dinner which includes everyone or you are able to appreciate her reasoning for a smaller group at dinner.

Post # 10
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2016 - Church in Shedd Oregon

I think it’s rude to not have everyone invited to the second part of the night. I would definitely talke to her about it. 

Post # 11
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Preludeangel:  I agree with another poster that if you want it a certain way you should do it yourself, except regarding expecting everyone to be included for the whole time. I would be upset if I was invited to a party like yours and then sent home before dinner. Why can’t everyone just do dinner too would be my question?

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