Post # 1
I am officially having my first “holy crap I’m terrible bridezilla, heartless person!” moment. It all started when I received the invitation to my bachelorette party (I asked my Maid/Matron of Honor to send me copies of everything so I could save them in a scrapbook later on). From day 1 we had spoken about what I would like to do for the party, which was to rent a party bus or have a few loving, volunteer DD’s to do some winery tours around either upstate NY or in Long Island. I’ve gone to similar parties in the past and everyone always seemed to have such a fantastic time. My Fiance is also doing the same idea, but with a party bus & casinos instead of wineries, lol. Eitherway, I was super excited about this party and was silly enough to tell a few of my non-BP girlfriends about how cool it is so they would make sure to be available to come. Back to my original train of thought – I received my adorable bachelorette invitation and noticed that the invite was to meet in the later afternoon at a winery for a tour and tasting.. which I know for a fact only lasts about 45 mins. I shot a quick text to my Maid/Matron of Honor for details and she said that everyone was invited to the tour and tasting, but only the bridal party would be invited to dinner. I had given her a list of 25-30 girls for the party, so now at least 25 of them would only be able to hang out for an hour (since the winery closes at 5) and then be told to go home to have dinner on their own after they’d have to drive at least an hour to get there. I feel bad on so many levels – one, that I invited so many people under another pretense of what the party was being planned as versus how it is being executed as, and two that anyone who DOES say yes to coming is going to be kicked out after an hour. I’m also a little disappointed becuase this is not at all what we had spoken about. Am I a terrible person??
Post # 2
Awkward. I subscribe to the ideal that if you have a clear idea of what you want, you probably should plan it yourself. I’m not sure what to advise under the current circumstances since I pretty much detest bachlorette parties, but I’d definitely try to do some damage control – either by giving your non-BP a heads up that things changed or by taking over the planning yourself. Good luck!
Post # 3
it’s only rude if guests don’t have a clear idea of time. I simply don’t understand why people who RSVP can’t come to dinner with you. You aren’t terrible, because the whole thing sounds weird. Come drink for an hour, then go home because you can’t sit at the same table as us for dinner? Who would even want to go to that? There must have been some disconnect in planning, that even the most laidback bride would questions.
Post # 4
Part of the problem might be the size of the guest list. Have you considered the logistical nightmare of planning an outing and dinner for 30 people? That’s a lot of work to drop on your MoH and maybe this is the best she could do.
Post # 5
It’s really not that hard to tell 30 people a restaurant to be at. Honestly I think that’s a bit weird of your Maid/Matron of Honor. And you obviously wanted to spend the evening with ALL of your friends. No one has to pay for then to go to dinner, what’s the harm in inviting them to it?
Post # 6
Um, I was always under the impression that the bachelorette party was only for the bridal party anyway. And she’s the one planning it. Not you. Maybe she couldn’t afford the list you had given, but still wanted to include them somehow.
Post # 7
It’s definitely rude to invite people to one part of the event and not the other. It’s like, “Oh, I guess you can come for an hour, but you’re not good enough to have dinner with us.” I would definitely talk to you Maid/Matron of Honor about this and how it might hurt some people’s feelings. Also, if they have to drive after the tasting they can barely drink anything, which makes it way less fun.
Total side note: it’s on Long Island, not in Long Island. This is something that drives Long Islanders crazy to hear.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
As a bride you can tell your Maid/Matron of Honor what you want but ultimately a party like a Bachelorette is hosted by your Maid/Matron of Honor and she gets final say on what the plans are and where to cut the guestlist to fit in the plans (generally because she is financially responsible for the party on some level.) It’s only awkward because you made promises to people that you weren’t authorized to make since you aren’t hosting the party.
If you don’t like what she’s planned you will likely come off as ungrateful if you complain. What you can do is ask why so many people you would have liked to be there seem to have been left out of the plans. But be nice about it and see what her response is. Your Maid/Matron of Honor may have limited dinner to the bridal party to give you all time to bond before the wedding as well as party; something that might be difficult if it’s 20-30 women versus 6-8. Hopefully you two will be able to figure out a compromise or an alternative plan for dinner which includes everyone or you are able to appreciate her reasoning for a smaller group at dinner.
Post # 9
Thank you, ladies! All the love makes me feel a lot better!
@horseradish – The only reason my list was so large was because we had spoken about a wine bus, many of which had minimums of 20-25 people. My Maid/Matron of Honor and I speak almost daily about pretty much everything (wedding, life, how crazy my step mother made her with the bridal shower planning, lol), that I would have hoped that she would have said something about dialing things back or changing up the gameplan.
I think I will mention something to my Maid/Matron of Honor tomorrow and just say that I’d really love for everyone to have the option to go to dinner – especially friends of ours who are pregnant and may not have as much fun at the winery! They may not be able to indulge in wine.. but some cake and pasta? Sounds like a good trade off to me!! 🙂
Thanks again ladies – you are all awesome! xo
Post # 10
- Wedding: January 2016 - Church in Shedd Oregon
I think it’s rude to not have everyone invited to the second part of the night. I would definitely talke to her about it.
Post # 11
Preludeangel: I agree with another poster that if you want it a certain way you should do it yourself, except regarding expecting everyone to be included for the whole time. I would be upset if I was invited to a party like yours and then sent home before dinner. Why can’t everyone just do dinner too would be my question?