- 5 years ago
Regular bee going anon here.
So this Christmas we stayed with my future in laws for a week. I actually got along much better with the future Mother-In-Law than I usually do, which is a relief–in general his parents don’t get that their way isn’t the only right way things can be done, and while it’s an annoying stance of theirs I know Fiance loves them dearly and I do my best to keep them happy, especially when I’m staying at their place. Unfortunately, it’s not like they go around telling you the right way to do things, they simply criticize you (often behind your back) if you do it “wrong”. Anyway, that’s for another post.
This Christmas… fFIL really pissed me off, for lack of better words. And I’m pretty scared of what will happen when he meets my family.
First of all, he’s got this wierd thing against fat people.
On Christmas eve we were watching a story of a woman whose adult son and his wife came to visit for Chrsitmas, and they had a newborn baby! They hadn’t told anyone about the adoption so it was a huge surprise to the new grandma who took the baby and started crying tears of joy while looking into the baby’s face. It was heart touching, and I started to tear up… only to have fFIL shout out from beside me at the TV “LOSE SOME WEIGHT GRANDMA! YOU’RE KILLING YOURSELF! YOU’RE FAT!” etc etc etc. This lady was overweight, but I didn’t think she was terribly so and either way… WHAT THE HELL!? How is that relevant at all?! And that’s what you get from this video clip?! I was incredibly uncomfortable for the rest of the night, wanting to say something but the more tiem that passed the wierder it’d be to be like “hey remember that wierd outburst of yours from before dinner? Super not cool, man” Plus fFIL is the sort that gets incredibly offended if you insinuate anything he does or says is wrong and I wanted to keep the peace, especially on Christmas eve.
He did similar stuff after every time we ran in to someone who was overweight. Mostly THEIR friends, which was also super uncomfortable.
I couldn’t sleep that night. Not only does it make me incredibly uncomfortable that he talks about other peoples bodies like its his business, but my aunt will be at the wedding.. she’s obese. Yeah, it’s obviously hurting her joints very much to be her weight, but that’s her business and something I know she’s struggled with for ever. If I hear him make a comment like that about her… I think I’m going to f***ing explode. Even if it’s my rehearsal dinner or wedding (because that’s pretty much when he’ll meet her).
He also talks over me, like… nonstop.
I’ll be having a conversation with fMIL about ducks, and she’ll ask me my opinion on duck flu, and I’ll start with “well you know, I’ve given some thought about duck flu, and I think..” and he’ll cut me off with “ducks are bad for the economy because..” and then start talking about whatever it is he wants to talk about (obviously this is all made up conversation.. lol). This happened several dozen times every day. Even fMIL scolded him at one point pointing out I wasn’t even close to done talking. It’s so incredibly disrespectful–it says loud and clear: whatever it is you have to talk about is totally unimportant. I just go quiet and shrug it off–I couldnt care less whether the future in laws know my opinions on anything, it’s just making conversation. But it’s incredibly rude and if he does that to my parents my mom will chew him out, which will put him on the defense, and start an argument and fued (his parents never drop a grudge).
He also told me to shut up.
I don’t think anyone in my entire adult life has ever told me to shut up. Not even sure what I was saying, might have been about ducks. He interrupted me with “Oh shut up!”. He was grinning when he said it so I guess he meant it lightly.. but honestly, what the hell?! That shouldn’t be in any adult’s vocabulary. That’s for bickering kids and gossiping high school girls. I just stared at him stunned as he gave some counter argument or the other to whatever I’d said. If he says that to my parents… oh shit my mom would rip him a new one… and I’d fully support her.
Finally, and worst of all.. they criticize my parents. This drives me nuts. My parents are more generous, more educated, less obnoxious (though my mom can do and say some wierd crap) and way kinder to Fiance than the future in laws are to me. My parents also don’t talk crap about literally everyone they meet behind their backs. I’d rather spend a month with my parents than a week with FI’s, but his parents live 100x closer to us and Fiance and them are very close in the need to talk on the phone every week and see each other as much as possible way.
FI’s parents have never even met my parents! They know almost nothing about them, but they still within one week managed to sneak in a ton of comments insinuating that my parents didn’t love me, that they were uncultured, etc… all of which are so far from true, and luckily Fiance was very quick to jump in every time he heard and be like “Um. No.” or else I was like “yeah.. no..” I have no idea what sort of crap his parents might spew when they actually meet my parents in person.
UGH ok this has turned into a rant that is probably pages long. Anyone else absolutely dreading their parents and in laws meeting?
I know I should stick up for myself or something.. but honestly I generally just want my interactions with them to go smoothly and be over ASAP. I know Fiance loves them very much, especially his mother (you can see his dad grates his nerves terribly too…) and I really don’t want to create shit, or else every phone call every week Fiance will have to fight with them as they complain about me. After this trip though, I’m starting to think I’m sacrificing a bit too much for the sake of keeping the peace.