(Closed) I'm sure this goes against etiquette standards, but would you or did you…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If you had extra seats avail do to RSVP declines, would you...

    Leave those seats empty

    Invite other people now that there's room

  • Post # 32
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I have a plan b list as well.

    Post # 33
    2002 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

    @echolove:  we are inviting the people we want to be there in the “first round”, so there is no need for a second round. however, we are doing a destination wedding and can get away with not inviting people from work, etc. Still, I don’t think I could do the A-list/B-list.




    It has recently come to my attention that I am on the B-list for a friend’s wedding, because she told me a month ago that she was getting ready to send invitiations “soon” (I moved between then and now, and gave her my new address, and she asked which to send it to since she was sending them soon.). Her wedding is in 5 weeks, and no invitation yet. She didn’t expect me to be able to make it, but since I’ll be in town, I told her that I probably could- so I’m guessing she didn’t actually have room for me in the first place, so I’ve been demoted until someone else declines.


    Post # 34
    1074 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @mrs-evans:  We are doing something similar.  I hate the term b-list, but we do have a set # of people and want to give priority to people who are traveling from outside of the country.

    Post # 35
    2057 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church

    We invited more people!

    Post # 36
    105 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @mrs-evans:  This is such a good idea! As someone having a wedding where half the guests will be coming from out of country (FH is Canadian with a huge family, I’m American with a huge friend/professional network), you just solved a huge issue that was keeping me up at night! My under-eye circles thank you.

    Post # 37
    2007 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @echolove:  we are doing a B list


    But I ran into a problem…my firend who did our invites printed the date on the rsvp…and that date has passed….I actually don’t know how to go about this since I find it rediculous to spend more money on reprinting. 

    Post # 38
    354 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    There were some folks that knew they were not on my guestlist, because we may not have spoken in years (but are quite close). They explicitly told me “if there’s space, let me know.” I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. The day is about inclusion, not exclusion. If you have the room and want to accomodate some people that are close to you, go right ahead. Anyone that cares enough about you would not be offended.

    Post # 39
    3518 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m offering plus ones to people who wouldn’t otherwise get them. 

    Post # 40
    643 posts
    Busy bee

    I have a cousin who i’ve only met once in my life, he has 6 children. He actually called my Mum and said “I know you don’t have much room but if there are some cancellations would i be able to come” My Mum said she would definitely call him and he was fine with that.

    Post # 41
    7439 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    It is called a B-List of Invites.  And is really quite a common and accepted practice from an Etiquette point of view (idea being that a full party is always better than a half-full one)

    B-Lists get bad names because Hostesses don’t manage them well.  The trick is in their execution and keeping quiet about them.  You NEVER want anyone to know they were not on your A-List.

    For one to work well at a Wedding you require the following:

    1- A Guest List organized by Priority

    2- A RSVP Date that gives you plenty of wiggle room (a month out as minimum)

    3- And even IF possible two sets of RSVP Reply Cards with 2 different dates

    4- Altho one set can work (see # 3 above) if one gives enough lead time… NO B-LIST INVITES should go out with less than 3 weeks advance notice to the RSVP Reply By Date

    5- As the NOs come in you send out half as many NEW Invites from the B-List. (Example Mr & Mrs Jones and their 2 Sons send their Regrets = 4… then you send out an Invite that will cover 2 People… such as Mr & Mrs Black = 2.  You want to always leave the extra space incase at the last minute somone who Replied NO calls you back to say, their plans have been able to change, and they now can come)

    6- Ultimate end result… you’ll have a pretty full room…  certainly more than you would have had with just an A-List.  So a B-List is a great way to add folks whom you otherwise would love to have included originally, but haven’t the anticipated space or funds required to up the overall numbers on your Wedding Guests.

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 42
    615 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We had multiple lists, mostly because there were a bunch of people we really wanted to invite and not enough seats for all of them.  Plus, we both have big families but knew that some of them wouldn’t be able to make it, so we invited family (and the wedding party) first so we knew how many seats we’d have left for our friends after that.  We did this as a compromise between our low budget and my FI’s desire for a full house.

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