Post # 1
My future sister in law is pregnant and today we just found out it’s a girl. I don’t have children yet but this will be the umpteenth child on his side of the family. His older brother has already taken the one name I’ve always wanted to give my son but now I’m terrified that his sister will take the one name I’ve ever wanted to give to my daughter.
Is it wrong for me to be upset if she names her tangible child something i’ve always wanted to name our hypothetical child? I’m sure there are reasonable arguements for each but I don’t want to marry into a family when I’m going to have to battle for baby names and my children will always be my second choice.
Post # 3
Hi dooneybell. Honestly, I would tell her that you have a name picked out for your female child if and when she comes to realization and you would appreciate them taking that name off of the table. I’ve heard way too many stories of people not saying anything because they’re trying to be polite and then they are crushed when their baby name is taken. Not only that, but I know TWO people that were so pissed off by it that they just named their child the preferred but taken name anyway. Such a mess! In this instance, honestly is the best policy!
Post # 4
Word of advice, Don’t tell anyone your baby names!!! When his older brother named his son, did they know that you loved that name? If they didn’t know, you can’t blame them. But don’t tell them anymore names, because they might really like the name you already have picked out. When my son was 2, I got pregnant again and picked out names fairly early on. I told my SO’s sister my favorite name. 8 weeks later, I suffered a miscarriage. And then she stole my baby name!! She wasn’t even pregnant at the time but she told EVERYONE that she planned on naming her baby McKenna. I was like What the what???? If your future sister inlaw names her child a name that you always wanted, well thats life. She got pregnant and had said child first, and even though it totally sucks, it happens. We ended up picking a different name entirely for my daughter, and I love her name!
Post # 5
Okay, this is tough. Because as a woman, I totally understand the frustration that can come from seeing your future children’s names snatched up by those around you. Ugh.
At the same time, she does reserve the right to name her baby whatever she chooses.
Can I ask, are your in-laws aware of the names you have picked out? In other words, are they aware of this issue?
I know your heart is set on certain names, but there are so many amazing options for your baby. I think you and your husband could absolutely find something even more perfect if it came to that. 🙂
Post # 6
There a a kazillion names to choose from. If you have this much of an issue with his family because they already have or might in the future have children with a name that you like, I am not sure you are marrying your Fiance for the right reasons. You aren’t even married yet and you aren’t pregnant. I do think you are being unreasonable. Whether or not you marry someone shouldn’t be dependant on whether or not the name you picked out for your child(ren) has already or could potentially be taken by the time you have a child(ren).
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park
@noritake22: I agree here. Perhaps if you consider opening up to a few more names that you’re comfortable with, you’ll feel easier about the process. I mean, in high school I was in love with Lucy and Evelyn, and my husband isn’t a fan of either. We’ve got ours picked out, and even if someone else “takes” them, it’s going to be ok. They’re just names. People change them all the time, or go by nicknames or middle names. I don’t think it’s rational to count out marrying someone becuase they “stole” all your baby names. I do understand some of where you’re coming from, but don’t you love your Fiancé more than a name?
Post # 8
I definitely understand what you mean BUT NEVER tell friends or family the names you want. Don’t even give them the idea. Unfortunately, whoever gets to the name first “wins.” Good luck! Hopefully they won’t pick the name you like.
Post # 9
I think it’s ok to have the same name twice or more in the same family. Understandably disappointing at first glance–especially if you are second— but in the end, I think it’s totally fine, especially when the relationships are strong…And you did come up with it first!
Post # 10
Is the name you love just really common? I don’t know the odds, but it doesn’t seem likely they will choose *that* name, unless you’ve told them what it is and they already like it or it’s in the top 5 names of the year or something. I understand your frustration and I don’t think you’re feelings are necessarily wrong, but you have to let these things go, because you just can’t change it (if they do take it) and getting upset over something that may or may not even happen isn’t worth it. I don’t know about you, but my name choices have changed drastically through the years. Names I loved a year ago now I wouldn’t even consider. When the time comes for you, you may not even want that name anymore. I understand it would really suck if they did choose it, so I’m crossing my fingers for you that they won’t. I promise you won’t think your baby’s name is second choice, because even if they do take it, you will find something you love that is perfect and you won’t regret it!
Post # 11
I don’t think there is anything wrong with you naming your babies what you like. So what if cousins share a name?? Did you ever see My Big Fat Greek Wedding? It’s common for certain families to reuse names. I was uptight about that same thing, but then I realized that it’s ok for our babies to share a name. If I like it and want to use it, it doesn’t matter. You can’t “call” baby names. Nothing would stop your SIL from using the name you like, and nothing is stopping you from keeping the names you like.
Post # 12
Are you planning on getting pregnant soon? If not, the names you have now may not be the names you want your kids to have when you do get pregnant. Plus, there’s always different variations to names.
Also, my brother and his gf just had a kid. They chose two names because they wanted wait to meet the child so to let the “name” fit the child.
Post # 13
I think in some cases, it’s reasonable to “call” names. Fiance was named after his father but they have different middles names, so he isn’t a junior. FI’s father just passed and I’m sure that if one of his sisters got pregnant with a boy, she would consider naming him after her dad.
However, Fiance and I really want a junior. It’s important to both of us that our firstborn son is a junior. Everyone in the family knows this. We even refer to our future child as “Junior” in conversation (like “yeah, I hope Junior plays baseball someday”) lol, sort of weird, but we think it’s cute.
The wedding is 9 months away and we want at least a year of marriage under our belts prior to TTC. So probably 2 years before we TTC and one of his sisters is actively TTC… In this case, I think if she got pregnant, I would say something.
So, in the end, I think it’s okay if it’s a family name. If you really want to name your daughter “Margaret Anne” because your grandmother’s name was Margaret and your mom’s name was Anne.
But calling “Isabella” after your favorite twilight character… I don’t think I’d say anything.
Post # 14
@noritake22: I agree. I don’t want to sound mean, but it sounds like you’re being pretty unreasonable. let that family member know that you have that girls name picked out (I don’t even see a point in keeping it a secret…is it that serious??) and ask them to respect that by not naming their child that. If they didn’t follow your wishes, that would be pretty creepy and rude, but not grounds to call of your engagement…right?!? There are so many beautiful and unique names out there, I would just sit down and start searching for one or two more you like. once you and your Fiance do get pregnant I’m sure you’ll have no problem looking forward to having a healthy, happy baby with a different name, if need be.
Post # 15
Well… have you discussed names with your fi? If he doesn’t like it, this whole thing wouldn’t matter anyway.
Either way, I think that if you didn’t tell her the name first and she picked it on her own, there’s not much you can do. It’s not fair to her to not use a name she loves just b/c you also love it…. especially b/c you don’t know if you’ll have a girl. If she saved the name for you and you have all boys, then nobody gets the name.
Post # 16
I dont think you can tell someone not to use your name.. especially when your not even TTC. firstly because you may change your mind by the time your baby comes along and secondly cos you cant really claim a name n ask no one to use it. I think its ok to have the same name repeated among kids in extended family.