(Closed) i’m sure you can relate…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sorry, that sucks.  Have you told your feelings to him or talked with him to make sure you two are on the same page/timeline for marriage?  I think that talking to him about your feelings will help motivate hime a bit.

Post # 4
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That stinks!  Sorry.

Post # 5
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You never know, he could have other plans that you don’t know about. My SO bought me a ring and I had no idea he had even really been saving money…just waiting for him to actually ask me, ugh. But maybe he plans on financing the ring…or MAYBE he is telling you that he needs a truck because he doesn’t want you asking questions when he is actually saving for a ring!

Post # 7
Member
4358 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

@purpleginger: Gah!  That sucks.  I’m sorry.

ETA:  I swear that if my SO buys me lots of xmas gifts (he’s implied he has) I will go ape if they’re pricey AND don’t include a ring. – ungrateful me.

Post # 8
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@purpleginger: Omg I can relate to this. The SO was listing the things he needs to spend money on next year. Now I get the necessary things like a WOF for his car, etc. but when he said a new game console, I gave him a look and reminded him that since I’m putting off getting a new tattoo to save for his watch, he’ll need to put off the new game console so he can save for my ring. Luckily for us, he agreed.

Post # 9
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It really stinks indeed, and I know all about that.

I think 4 weeks after finally putting a down payment on my e-ring, he went out and bought himself a brand new mountain bike (he already had one). I knew it was more than double the price of the e-ring, and I really do not know how I have never brought up my frustration with my SO. So I totally understand your feelings, you start questioning what is more important to him, and it’s not a pretty road.

I think I’ve cried over that incident a few times, and if he ever turns round to me and complains that the reason why we are not engaged is down to money, I will seriously go ape on him haha. I might even sell his bike?.. Hmm maybe too far!

My SO fortunately has never complained about lack of funds yet, and keeps telling me he had been saving seperately for his bike, so maybe your SO has done that as well?

Post # 10
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@purpleginger: I can relate. My SO will be starting his new job in a couple months and he keeps talking about a truck. I’m not looking to be engaged soon though, I just want him to be able to save money for it haha.

Post # 11
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I can relate. SO always talks about how he just needs to save up a little and then he’ll get the ring. Well last month he bought me an early birthday present. A camera. Which was totally sweet. He noticed my camera was giving out on me and thought I could use a new one before the holidays. No it wasn’t a gift for himself…lol it’s hotpink and he’s not the picture taker freak like me. Of course I was happy and thankful but u better believe I was thinkin hmmm….there goes money toward a ring…. We also agreed not to get more than $50 gifts for each other for Christmas and I might really be angry if he doesn’t follow that.

I guess it hurts so much because it’s so personal to us. They should be able to see how much it means to us and it’s been ingrained into our heads that actions speak louder than words.

Post # 12
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

Omg! Do you have a spy camera in my house??? Because you just described my SO and me completely!  As you probably already know if you’ve read any of my posts, my SO’s big thing right now is that he wants a new tv. He also wants a bunch of stuff to ‘trick out’ his truck (the truck that was his first purchase once he got his good job) and all these parts for his computer and other gadgets. All the while he tells me, oh I love you, I want to marry you soooooo bad but I don’t have the money for a ring. Well, bozo, you’re never going to have the money for it if you don’t stop buying other sh$t! 

I too, told him I didn’t want a christmas present. I told him for my Christmas present I just want him to save the money and to help me with the New Years party we are having. You know what he does? He’s buying his mom an iPad today to give to her for Christmas, and last night when I told him how much food and drinks were going to cost for the party (which is not a lot) he scoffed and acted like he doesn’t want to help with it. He also told me last night that before I said “no presents” he was goin to get me an e-reader like a Kindle or a Nook. I wanted to be like wtf??  It’s a nice thought and all, but I read like one book a year, and I have never once shown any interest in a e-reader for the books that I do read.

Do you ever feel like our SO’s are purposely trying to find other crap to spend their money on so they don’t have to propose to us??

Post # 13
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

That would definitely upset me too! However…dont take this the wrong way, but you say he is only 23 years old? I assume you are also quite young, so I dont think there’s anything wrong with him wanting to wait a few years before getting engaged. You’re lucky, most guys I know weren’t ready to make that commitment until at least 30.

I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you dont need to be concerned just yet. I’m sure there will be other major purchases that come up before the ring, thats just part of starting out life on your own. The important thing is you have a man who loves you and is willing to commit to you. You should both be focused on developing yourselves as independent adults who happen to be in a committed relationship. 

I’m sure you will get your ring, but I see no reason to be in a hurry 🙂

Post # 15
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I hate this because I know exactly how you’re feeling right now. I moved across the country for my FI (then BF) after he got his first job and his priority of purchases went: car, huge tv, living room furniture, king size bed, PlayStation3, etc., etc. When we started having to think about what we would do when our apartment lease was up, he decided he wanted to use his savings for a down payment on a house. With each big purchase, I kept thinking “wow, he could have used that money to buy me a ring if it was really important to him.” When he said we couldn’t afford to get a ring and get married, it was definitely a hard pill to swallow!

Post # 16
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

@purpleginger:

Hang in there Miss 🙂

Maybe if you save up a chunk of money and nonchalantly mention it to him, he will feel obligated to do the same. You know how competetive boys can be! 

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