(Closed) I’m telling my matron of honor she is just a bridesmaid now

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Research the responsibilities of a Maid/Matron of Honor so you have some backup.  Then politely tell her that you need a Maid/Matron of Honor that can and will do these things.  Tell her that you understand that she is very busy (or whatever) so out of consideration for her time you have selected X to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.  You would still love for her to be in the wedding and stand 3rd in line.  (Maybe you’ll need to replace her alltogether if she is missing rehearsal and/or if she is embarrassed that you will be having someone else be your Maid/Matron of Honor.)

It seems (from your aunt’s incaction) that she will be totally okay with this.  Did she even want to be in your wedding?  

Post # 4
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hmm…I would just ask her to meet you for coffee, and explain that you need someone who is going to put in the amount of time and effort needed from a Maid/Matron of Honor.

I’m sure at this point she won’t be shocked…if so, oh well! It’s your wedding!

Post # 5
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Don’t do this.

Is there someone else you want as maid of honor? If so, then promote her and have two. But do not demote one woman. So she can’t make it to a few events. Is that why you chose your bridal party? No you chose them because they are special people and you love them.

Post # 6
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@JrzyGurl: Agreed.

My Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t throwing any party (as far as I know) and won’t be able to do a lot because she lives apx 2 hours away and is VERY busy.  I love her and have known her longer than my other two bridesmaids, despite hanging out with the other two girls more often.

good luck and I hope you don’t burn any bridges with your decision!!!

Post # 7
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I plan to demote my Matron-OH. I have both a Maid and a Matron. My own engagement has opened my eyes to the TRUE relationship we have. Some might think its mean/rude/distasteful/tacky to do so, but I think her behavior all this time has been too if not worse. Im not going to HONOR someone who cant even take some time out for me. And this decision has been based off a FEW different occasions.

You live and You Learn. Luckily my lesson was learned! =) Stay Strong!

Post # 8
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This reminds me of middle school…I have to agree with @JrzyGurl on this one.

Post # 9
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I wouldnt demote anyone maybe pick another girl and have multipul mohs but I think telling her that she isnt anymore will just cause drama you dont need. 

Post # 10
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I have to agree with some of the posters here as well….my sister is my Matron-OH and we just got into the BIGGEST fight possible that, go figure, she started at MY BACHELORETTE WEEKEND in charleston!! She ruined it for me and all my other BM’s….it was AWFUL!! She wants to apologize for the things she did and said (she was drunk) but I don’t agree with alcohol being an excuse….that being said…I’m trying to NOT say anything or bring it up…I literally just texted her and said I was over it, whats said was said and what was done was done….JUST so there could be “peace” the day of the wedding…I REALLY want her to step dow as Matron OH b/c my Maid/Matron of Honor really deserves the top title….BUT, to keep things at bay, especially with my dad (we have same dad different moms) I’m keeping everything as IS…it’ll just be dealt with sometime after the wedding…ugh…it sucks..but gotta do what you gotta do so you don’t have drama the day of your wedding I guess…

Post # 11
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Well that sounds like an excellent way to have your wwedding be the launching pad for tons of family drama. Honestly, I’d reconsider. I don’t know what the etiquette is there in CT but here in Michigan no one would ever ever throw a Jack and Jill shower, they just aren’t done – I didn’t even know what they were or that they existed until Weddingbee and the knot! As for the rehersal, why can’t she make it? Because I think my reaction would depend on the reason why.

Post # 12
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I was thinking today that my Maid/Matron of Honor wasnt stepping up and isnt too enthused to discuss things with me.  The other person that I was going to ask to be my Maid/Matron of Honor wasnt married yet – but I knew her boyfriend was preparing to engage..  In a strange turn of events – they have had a huge scare, involving stage 2 renal cancer, and the day of diagnosis – they went and got married.  They have a 1 year old together and want her to be able to make decisions if something should happen….. all of that being said … I can now have a Maid/Matron of Honor and Matron of Honor!  Hopefully the Maid/Matron of Honor will help with the duties. 

I’d be very careful when making the decision to give her the boot.  You maybe would want to ask her if she even wanted the responsibility and if not – maybe you wont be hurting her feelings but relieving her.

Post # 13
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with  @JrzyGurl: @Zinzerena:

Don’t demote her. Its is hurtful and will be really embarrassing for her. I realize your hurt, but it seriously isn’t worth the drama. Lean on your other BMs as much as you can for support in your wedding planning.

Post # 14
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yeah, you should not demote her. That is a recipe for some Epic, Epic, Dramz. Just tell your non-family BMs that they need to do all the work, that they’re the real deal, etc. They probably already know what’s up. There is no tactful way to do what you’re talking about, and I guarantee it will be way more trouble than it’s worth.

Post # 15
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I hate to say it, and I’m sorry she isn’t being helpful, but the only role of a bridesmaid OR maid of honor is to show up, on time, in the right dress, sober. No one is obligated to throw a party or shower in your honor.

Be prepared to lose this relationship if you “demote” her. I hope this situation resolves itself as you see fit.

Post # 16
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I desided that im not haing a Maid/Matron of Honor at all only BMs Maybe you can tell her you changed you mind to do this…. But you cant demote her and choose someone else it would cause LOTs of problems…

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