Post # 1
My mom is getting remarried this summer and I am her only daughter and Maid/Matron of Honor. Last night I get a phone call in which she tells me that she “said yes to a dress”. Apparently, her and her sisters went on a spur of the moment trip to a bridal store and she found and bought her dress. On the phone when she told me, she immediately said that she told her sisters that I was going to be upset. I played it cool but told her I had to get off the phone for something. While I didn’t act upset, she knows me and knew that I was hurt.
While I know that it wasn’t done on purpose, I feel very hurt by this. Her and I were supposed to go dress shopping a few weekends ago, but my daughter ended up in the ER with the flu, so we postponed it to this weekend. Obviously, that is not happening now.
She emailed me photos of the dress this morning and wanted to know what I thought. I told her I thought the dress was very pretty, as I do. She then called me this afternoon, and said she didn’t want me to be upset. I told her that I wasn’t mad, but that I was hurt as I was looking forward to this opportunity with her. She told me that she was having a bad week and needed this.
I guess I’m just kind of at a loss. While I am very happy that my mother is getting remarried, and this doesn’t come on the tails of a death or awkward divorce, there are some difficult aspects of it all. I’m trying hard to be supportive, but this really took the wind out of my sails. I really don’t want to ruin her moments, but again, I’m just feeling extremely hurt by the situation.
I just wanted to share this and see if anyone has experienced this, or even been on the other side, and if you have any suggestions for me. Thank you in advance.
Post # 3
Don’t feel hurt. The more you feel hurt, the more likely you will feel bitter and be negative. Be happy that your mother is marrying someone she loves. She knows that you will feel hurt, but here’s the thing, once you found that one dress, you know you have to get it, otherwise, it might not be there anymore.
Try to put yourself in her shoes and be happy for her 🙂
Post # 4
Really? I am not trying to minimize your feelings, but it’s just dress shopping.
*Personally*, I didn’t feel like my wedding dress was such a big deal. I just wanted sometihng that I liked. I also didn’t want to make a huge fuss over shopping, and I really would not have been able to handle opinions from a gazillion people. I brought one bridesmaid with me to a sample sale, found a dress that fit and that I liked, and was done.
There are other ways to be involved in a wedding.
Post # 5
I am happy, and I understand that when you find it you find it. I guess what I’m upset about is that she consciously made the decision to go without me, knowing that finding a dress would be a possibility. This happening four days before we were supposed to go. I feel that if it was really that important for me to be there with her, that she would have declined going the other day and waited to go with me this weekend.
I honestly wouldn’t have cared if we had gone together, and then after that she found her dress without me. It’s not the fact that she found “the one” without me, it’s more that I didn’t even get to experience dress shopping with her at all.
When I got married, she was there with me when I found my dress. However, it was the last year my parents were married, and she was very unhappy at that point in her life. It wasn’t a bad experience, but dress shopping with me at the time was not anywhere near the top of her “want to do” list. So, when she got engaged, I was excited that we could experience this again, however with her happy.
Post # 6
I can understand that you’re hurt, I would have been too. However, what’s done is done – so you’ll have to find something else to get excited about. Could the two of you go out and search for a dress for you, shoes, do a cake sampling? Just something so that you’ll have some fun time together with her.
Post # 7
try not to feel hurt. it wasn’t personal or about you, it was about the dress.
Post # 8
@dotofbride: FWIW I didn’t take my kids dress shopping. I took my sister. it’s not something you really envision doing with your children, but your sisters and bffs. don’t feel hurt. she didn’t go out and purposlly snide you, you were to go and you couldn’t. be happy for her ! 🙂
Post # 9
I think that what hurts now will fade. Try to find other ways you can be involved, as your mom is clearly aware this hurt your feelings and so will probably be open to finding new ways to make you feel included. And there is never a shortage of wedding-related events…fittings, tastings, vendor appointments, shopping for your wedding attire, finding the venue, bridal shower, all kinds of things you two could do together.