Post # 1
About six months ago my best friend ask me to be her maid of honor. She is going to have a small wedding about 120 people. I understand that she is struggling to stay in budget. But I felt a little insulted when we were working over sitting charts and I noticed that I didn’t have a plus one.
It bother me that after all the time and effort I’ve been putting on her wedding and her bachelorette party I wasn’t allow to bring my live-in boyfriend. Besides the wedding is outside the city so involves spending the weekend there, and I’ll be the only one single friend there. So when I asked her why, she told me than since it’s an open relationship, she doesn’t consider it serious enough.
I don’t want to let her down, since she is my best friend since high school and it’s her day. But I’ve not being able to get over her passing judgment in my relationship. I don’t if I should go alone and suck it up or ask her again for a plus 1. Any advice?
Post # 3
Oh wow, that’s pretty judgemental on her part. Most people go by if you’ve been dating for 1 year+ or if you live together.
I don’t know if it will change her mind on the wedding or not, but I would definitely talk to her about this. It has to hurt to know your friend doesn’t consider your relationship ‘serious’ when you clearly do. Honestly, I wouldn’t even make it about the wedding because I would focus more on the emotional side.
Post # 4
@Amy285: Usually the “rule” is if you are married, engaged, or living together you get a plus one, since you are living together she should let you bring him. I am also giving everyone in my bridal party a plus 1 if they want it (my current guest list is also about 120).
I would be upset as well 120 is not a tiny wedding and the fact that it is a destination makes it harder. Is she paying for your hotel room? Or is she asking you to pay for yourself (but not allowing you to split it with your bf).
Post # 5
What do you mean “open relationship?” Are you guys roommates with benefits and open to see other people or living together and just not married? I’m confused..
I think, that no matter how serious you are her Maid/Matron of Honor, and should be able to bring a plus 1, especially if you’re going to be the only single friend there.. I would just talk to her about it, I’m sure she’ll understand. Good luck!
Post # 6
@Amy285: wow that is rude. I would ask her again and explain to her that she shouldn’t judge your relationship. and of all the people in the wedding, you think she would be able to accomodate her MOH’s boyfriend.
Post # 7
Wow. I would say something for sure. Have you ever gave her a reason to think that the relationship is not going well and/or you wont be together by the time the wedding rolls around? I would be insulted and hurt as well and would definitely say something, even if it does not change anything–she will at least know how you feel.
Post # 8
I think most people here will agree that it is a little rude to not invite your MOH’s bf when they live together. And that does suck that she seems to be passing judgment on your relationship. I don’t know exactly what you mean by open relationship but I am guessing if you two are not exclusive then it might be hard for a monogomous almost-married person to understand that you two aren’t just “roommates with benefits”?
Regardless, she’s your friend and maybe she should’ve been more sensitive. At this point I think you just need to decide your reaction because you can’t change what has already happened. On one hand I totally agree with you that it would suck to go out of town for a wedding and be the only single person when you have a live-in boyfriend at home. For that reason I think you’d be pretty justified in asking her to please reconsider.
On the other hand… do you REALLY want to fight this battle? And do you really need him there? As Maid/Matron of Honor you’re going to be pretty darn busy all day long and he’s going to be left alone. It really might not be any fun for him to come anyways, and the only time you’d probably *really* want him there is during the 4-5 slow songs they’ll inevitably play.
Post # 9
I’d laugh in her face and tell her good luck with the wedding and to call me when she’s ready to apologize for acting like such a twit. Then she can show up at my door with a muffin basket and a bottle of champagne to THANK me for all my support I’ve shown her.
If the above didn’t happen in a timely fashion, I’d find a better way to spend my weekend.
Post # 10
I would think that being a live in boyfriend would matter more than if you are in an open relationship. It’s a little rude, but at the same time she’s in a hard spot to make cuts. It might be hard to justify to her parents or other family why a family member got cut so your bf can attend. Unfortunately each people makes these decisions differently. I’d try not to be too hard on her, let her know how you’re feeling, but then ultimately respect her choice.
Post # 11
Hmmmm…., at the risk of offending the hive, I don’t believe this story. Your best friend from high school wouldn’t let you bring your live in lover to her wedding? And you are the MOH? Why exactly are you best friends if she really doesn’t respect you?
Ps. That’s not why I don’t believe your story.
Post # 12
@bRooklynRocks: ooohh are you calling B.S.?? 😉
Post # 13
Post # 15
I’m not understanding the cryptic undertones here… is this a fake question?
Post # 16
She is wrong to do that but ultimately it is her call, as shitty as it may be for you. I think you have three choices here: (1) talk to her about it, which runs the risk of hurting your friendship; (2) step down as Maid/Matron of Honor and do not attend the wedding; (3) suck it up and get over it. You need to evaluate whether you are willing to choose your Boyfriend or Best Friend over this friend. It sucks that you are being put in that position but it is not your decision to make.
ETA: I do not really understand why people think this is a fake post. Can we stop hating on newbees? Jeez.