(Closed) I’m the MOH and can’t afford to go to the shower or bachelorette party

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House

There are a few alternate routes you could take – do you know anyone who might be willing to give you frequent flyer miles?  You may be able to earn frequent flyer miles by opening a cc and paying it in full at the end of each month.  Another thing is that you could have a bachlorette night in Cancun once you’re already there!  Just get some drinks at duty free, make some decorations, and off you go ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

how soon before the wedding do you all get into cancun? if the wedding is on a saturday, for example, and you will all be together on thursday, plan drinks and club hopping or a small shower for that day. I have been in similar situations, both as a bride and Bridesmaid or Best Man. We are all over the country and couldnt afford flying in for a wedding, and shower, and bach party. Give her a ring and tell her you’d like to plan something but arent sure where to start. It is usually understood IMO that when you plan a wedding that is pricey for others to attend, the parties/gifts/showers may be smaller or may not happen at all.

Post # 5
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

can you get to cancun a few days early and spend some “you” time?

Post # 6
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

This is a little different suggestion than what the other Bees have said, but maybe you could throw her a housewarming party a few months after the wedding when everything has died down? Perhaps 3-4 months after she and her husband have settled into their home in Dallas, you will be able to fly in and set up a housewarming shower for her. It would give you more time to save up some money, etc. I would call her and be honest with her. Let her know that you are so excited to be a part of her wedding, and you want to be able to give her the shower she deserves. Ask her if it would be okay to do a housewarming shower for the new couple in a few months, because it would be more financially feasible for you? I’m sure she will be grateful for anything you are able to do, there’s a reason she picked you to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, and i guarantee it’s because you are a great friend, and has nothing to do with showers! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow that sucks! But I TOTALLY understand. Tickets and everything else are expensive and I don’t think she shoudl expect anything lavish on top of what already is an expensive wedding for you guys to be in.

How about doing a girls thing when you guys get there? If not, a post-wedding shower or bachelorette thing? Or rather “gifts for the mrs?” You could just set aside a girls night on the beach, have margaritas, chill, make her wear a big sash, and it’s still fun. Maybe everybody can go in for one shower gift together. All those gifts add up.

She should be pretty understanding. I know I would be if I was having a destination wedding.

PIck up the phone once YOU decide on something and call them all. See what you can swing for like $20 a person. I’m sure everyone else is feeling a financial crunch.

Post # 8
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Are you the only one out of town? If so, I’d buig them again. Tell them you’re more than willing to help plan and pitch in, but you can’t be there.

And if that still doesn’t work – then maybe throw her a “virtual” shower – I know it sounds weird – but you can explain the situation and people will understand. 

And if that sounds too hard or difficult to pull off – I would just send her little things to keep her the center of attention… Have other girl friends surprise her with things, like a night out, or send her little gifts. 

I’m sure she knows you care.. I can tell!

Post # 11
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am in a similar situation where I am the MOH!

She lives in BC and I live in Ontario! The wedding is here and so we going to have the bachelorette party a week before the wedding and the shower 4 days before the wedding!

Is this a possibility to do in Cancun?

Edit: Don’t be afraid to talk about I am sure they will be happy also!

Post # 14
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I totally understand what you are going through… in the past 4 months, I’ve been in 2 weddings, both 800 miles from where I live.  And told each bride that i would’nt be able to make it to the bach party (for the first wedding) and to the shower/bach weekend (for the second). If the bride is truly your friend then she will completly understand and will be thankful that you are able to make it to her wedding.


Good luck!

Post # 15
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Just one more thought:  If she picked you to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, knowing that it was unlikely to be possible for you to be in town for showers or bachelorette parties, then it is unlikely she expects you to host them.  I know that we asked my daughter to be our Maid/Matron of Honor, knowing perfectly well that since she lives on the other side of the country, she was not going to be able to host any local parties.  We’re not big on prewedding parties in any event, and as it turns out, some local friends (not in the wp) are hosting one for us.  So if nothing works out, don’t automatically assume she will feel unloved.

Post # 16
235 posts
Helper bee

What about you helping organize – even if you can’t attend – a shower for her in her hometown for people who live there .  You would need a co-hostess who would actually take on the brick and mortar work (perhaps the whispering FSIL), but so often the planning is the biggest part.  You could even make a flipcam DVD/Web video and send it to be played at the shower.

And, she understands – it’s the thought that counts when there’s just no way to make it work financially.

The topic ‘I’m the MOH and can’t afford to go to the shower or bachelorette party’ is closed to new replies.

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