(Closed) I'm the MOH and sister.. feeling overwhelmed by shower

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014


1) you shouldnt be paying for it by yourself

2) if need be just try to find a cheaper venue place. Sometimes you can rent a hall are a firehouse, church or local club and then have the food catered at a cheaper rate. Also ask the bridesmaids for money… they should be helping out too. Hopefully with their budgets you can afford a resturant. 

3) Just plan a typical party not suited to anyone but your sister. 

4) fee shower… I have never heard of, but that is the absolute opposite of what a shower is supposed to be. A shower is for giving physical gifts… not monetary gifts. A lot og guests may be off put by that. I know I would be.

5) Pinterest/Google/read on the bee about bridal showers. You dont have to do a typical shower with games and such. Just inviting everyone to share a meal and bring a gift is all that a shower truly is. 

Hang in there. Ask your mom for help. It sounds like you may not be able to get through to your sister. 

Post # 3
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Your sister is being VERY rude in dictating the shower and bachelorette party plans. These are parties that you throw for her out of the goodness of your heart, and she should accept what you can offer her graciously.

Can you afford to host tea and cookies for 20-30 people on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon? That is a perfectly lovely and appropriate bridal shower – in fact, every bridal shower I’ve ever attended has been just like that. A $20pp shower is, in my opinion, quite extravagant – as is a bridal shower with nearly 50 guests!

And, yes, you are correct that it would be completely inappropriate to ask for money. It is rude in any context, but ESPECIALLY at a shower, the purpose of which is to give and open gifts.

Post # 4
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yikes….  First, why is it 20.00 per head?  Second, don’t worry about what anyone wants except your sister.  Third, have you asked her about the guest list? Are all of those random friends of her Future Mother-In-Law actuallhy invited to her wedding? If not, they should not be invited to the shower. Fourth, I almost always host brunch showers because the cost and ease is SO much easier than any other time of day. Champagne is cheap at costco for mimosa’s (6.99 for a large bottle) and the only other things you need are 1-2 breakfast casseroles, maybe some fruit and dip, and some croissants. The food cost is minimal compared to doing an afternoon where you have to come up with a bunch of snacks. You dont’ HAVE to do game and especially if she’s in her 30s and most of the ladies are older and family friends, she may not want to do games. You can do a little cheap activity even such as leave out some pens and paper scraps and ask epople to write out advice. Then give them to her in a pretty box, etc… I also almost always decorate with farmers market flowers if I can. A few vases of flowers go a long way towards looking high end without spending a lot of money.

I forgot to mention, it is in EXTREMELY poor taste to ask for money for a shower, OR your wedding. YUCK!

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  .
Post # 7
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

chillinchillin:  Well that’s really too bad your mom doesn’t weant to let you have it at her house, it IS her daughter… But whatever I guess. Really you can do it at anyone’s house that is willing to open it up for you. Does she have any friends that are in a good location that are willing? Or yes, her FMIL?

I have a great recipe for breakfast c asserole, feel free to PM me if you end up wanting it. 

Personally I could never afford to throw someone a restaurant shower single handedly. UNLESSS, it was no host. Which I suppose you could do if needed. 

Post # 8
46612 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Even if you don’t know the Future Mother-In-Law, I would phone her and ask if she is willing to co-host the shower and have it t her home. Most FMIL’s are only too happy to be involved.

A brunch shower or an afternoon  tea shower will be less expensive than serving a catered meal.

Post # 9
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We don’t do bridal showers where I’m from, so I won’t comment. I will comment on the Bachelorette though: just because your sister wants it in NYC (which I’m guessing isn’t where you’re from) doesn’t mean you need to do that! The bachelorette is whatever the attendees can afford (because at a bachelorette everyone pays their own way except the bride). It’s a type of gift and, like any gift, the gift recipient can’t make demands. If you and her friends want to take her out locally, there’s nothing wrong with that. No bride can demand a bachelorette that involves travel. Personally I’ve never attended a bachelorette cost more than a typical night out.

So the way forward for the bachelorette is to talk to the other girls attending, and see what everyone is willing to give (in terms of money and time) and plan it based on that.

Post # 11
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I don’t think there would be a problem with having it at your sister’s house if it’s the only place that could easily fit everyone. You could also do some sort of picnic in the park if weather in your area tends to be nice.

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