(Closed) I’m the second daughter to wed, she gets a lavish wedding, I get zilch.

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think it’s totally natural to be a little jealous and upset about this, even if you understand why it is the way it is. You’re clearly torn, because on the one hand, you know your tastes are simpler and you know your folks don’t have that kind of money anymore, but you also want to feel like your folks would do the same for you as for your sister. I totally get where you’re coming from. Obviously, I don’t know your family, but I think that if your parents could help you, they’d very much want to. I’ll bet they are sad about not being able to provide you with the same financial support. It’s natural to feel jealous, but I think you’re doing the right thing by not making a big deal about it since you know they aren’t in the same place financially anymore. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I feel for you.

Post # 4
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

No of course not! Its totally understandable and I would be upset too.

Post # 5
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

No, I don’t think you’re a bad person for being honest about your feelings. I would probably have the same feelings, in fact, I kinda do. I am also the second daughter to get married. My sister had a medium sized wedding, about 120 people, and my parents paid for most of it (reception, flowers, dress, my mom made the bridesmaid dresses, paid for hair/makeup, etc), I think the total was about 15K. They told me they would give me 5K for our reception and that was all, because that’s what they gave my sister.

This is really appreciated obviously, and our wedding is smaller, plus we’re both working and have good income (my sister had just graduated university). That’s not the point, we don’t need their money. But I can’t say I wasn’t a little miffed by their statement, knowing they actually spent much more than 5K.

I feel like I rambled… lol. The long and short of it is, no, I don’t think it’s weird you have these feelings. Obviously you would never really tell anyone but weddingbee though 🙂

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

No you aren’t! I’m in the opposite boat, b/c when my oldest sister was married in 2001 our parents paid for it but they were a lot more strict about budget than they were for me. I feel really bad about it because I hate being treated unequally even if it’s to my benefit.

Post # 8
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would totally be upset, and I can understand your feelings.

What if instead of taking the stance that its “no big deal” play up how excited you are to have a simple, classic, clean wedding. Flowers? No you don’t need them, what about pretty candles on white table cloths, clean and crisp. That way you can still talk about the wedding and how excited you are, but it won’t sound like you are upset that you can’t have the big lavish wedding.

Post # 10
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I mayself am in the same position.  I have two brothers and a sister.  My parents helped with all of their weddings bur are not able to help with mine.  We are footing the entire bill.  I am also upset.  Anytime I bring up something about the wedding, my mom changes the subject because she’s upset she can’t help.  It’s like she doesn’t care because she can’t help.  I just don’t bring anything up anymore. 

Post # 11
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I totally understand your feelings, but don’t go into your wedding thinking it’s going to be a huge failure, and that people are going to judge your wedding for not being as lavish as your sisters. You are marrying the man you love, that is what a wedding is about, and if you do that, then your wedding will not be a failure, no matter what anyone says. I hope your wedding day will be a happy day for both you, and your fiance. =]

Post # 13
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

my parents give all of us the same thing even if that means working two jobs and using credit cards and selling things. They have 4 kids and we all get the exact stuff. Honestly, I would be pissed..especially if they didn’t help out at all. hmm.

Post # 14
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yeah, I think you have a right be pissed, I know they didn’t do it on purpose, but parents should try to plan ahead for these things. It’s not like they didn’t know you were going to want a wedding too someday. Times are tough right now, I get that but. . .  They should have been setting aside equal amounts in separate accounts for each child so when you get married, it’s all the same amount.

Nothing you can do about it now, but i feel ya

Post # 16
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

That’s a positive way of looking at it! Your parents contributed to your schooling and it evens it up!

In regards to your feelings, I know your parent’s pride is hurt that they cannot help out and that’s why they aren’t wanting to talk about it,b ut maybe you should bring it up. I know I would be more hurt if they didn’t show excitiment or want to talk about it. Let them know you understand the situation but its hurting you that they don’t want to talk about it. That may ease some of your hurt feelings.

 

Good luck!

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