(Closed) I'm the Sister of the Bride… Guidance, Advice, Suggestions

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1811 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@JenTough:  First of all, good job on kicking your habits and assuming an active role in your family!  Second, please take down the link to the website!  I’m sure there is person information in there that she probably wouldn’t want just anyone looking at!

Things to expect:  When my big sister got married my parents kept introducing me and my fiance to everyone!  It was a lot of socializing with new people, which was fun but tiring.  It also seemed like everyone wanted to take pictures of us goofing off and dancing.

I don’t think that you have many unwritten duties, but you definitely want to help keep the bride calm.  I was my sis’s Maid/Matron of Honor too so I had a lot going on during her day, but I was the one calling the florist when the flowers were late and overseeing the delivery of the cake.

My sister never asked me to make a speech at the rehearsal, and that was more of her FI’s family’s event, and I had planned to make one at the reception when my Dad did, but things were hectic and we never did speeches at the reception!

The wedding gift is going to be a touchy subject.  My sister also had 3 showers.  I got her a small present for each of the showers, and then one larger present for the wedding itself.  While etiquette says that gifts are never necessary, you run the risk of stepping on toes if you do not have one.

Good luck!


Post # 4
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@JenTough:  Congrats to you on your sobriety!! That is wonderful to hear, and I am glad that you and your sister can experience this together!

Technically- there are no “responsibilities” for a bridesmaid other than to show up . You may find that you WANT to do more, or she may ask for help with errands, picking out a dress, going to food tastings, etc. I’ll try to answer each of your questions:

1)    What kinds of things am I to expect being the sis of the bride? 

    1. a.    Do I have any unwritten duties?

    Not really, just try to be there for her as a moral support and offer to run any errands, if she needs it. As I said, you have no “obligations”, just offer your help and support.

    2)    How can I help my sister during, before, etc?  

        ..  I was thinking of keeping an eye on who is talking to her, if they go on forever… I could come up and steer them away.. etc. 

    ^^^ This is a great idea, and as I mentioned, she may ask you to go dress shopping or to meet with various vendors. Although, the best person to ask is your sister. She will be very grateful to hear “Is there anything you’d like me to help with?” 

    *biggie*3) Do I need to say a speech on Dinner rehearsal night? Or can I wait till Sunday morning when the groom’s parents host the “Toast and Toast”?  

    If you are not an MoH or Bridesmaid or Best Man, you likely won’t have to make a speech, unless she asks you to. If she does ask, she will also let you know when you should (whether it’s rehearsal dinner, reception or brunch)

    4) Do I have to get them a wedding gift? I by accident got her a gift from the registry for one of her 3 showers last fall.. 

    You should probably get her a gift. You don’t have to, but it’s nice to do so.

    So really, just try to be there for her and don’t be afraid to ask if she needs anything specific.

    Best wishes to you both!

    Post # 5
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Before I answer I think you should take the link down to your sisters wedding website for privacy issues.

     I think you are off to a good start. Everyone has different ideas on what it means to be a maid of honor. Helping host showers and bachlorette two things everyone agrees on. I think during this process taking care of yourself and needs since you are now sober will be just as important in lending the services and things you feel comfortable doing to help the bride. Weddings can be fun but also stressful as family dynamics play out.

    Staying calm, and maybe talking to your mom about your feelings and asking her to work with you to do the things you guys want done for your sister. Good luck!

    Post # 6
    20 posts
    • Wedding: May 2013

    First of all, I think it is SOOOO sweet that you want to make this day special for her =)

     I think the most important thing to do is to let your sisiter know that is she needs anything that you are right here. I think you should talk to the Maid/Matron of Honor and pair up with her to see how you can help with the showing, and wedding. I think the unwritten duties is to show her how happy you are to be apart of her special day and just be there.

    1. you can help your sister before the event by talking to her and seeing if she needs you for anything. (honestly, if you just talk to her, and I am sure she will be grateful and thilled that she has you to rely on)

    2. Keep a speech handy. If you see that many people are giving speeches at the dinner, then you can give on. The same goes for the toast. If you still feel very nervous, write her a personal letter yourself and give it to her. Just let her know that you feel shy talking in front of people, but there are somethings you want to express in that note.

    3. I would just get her a present for her wedding.

      Good luck with everything!!

    Post # 7
    2031 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I think it is AWESOME that you were able to overcome such obstacles AND that you want to be there for your sister!!  You’re going to be a wonderul Bridesmaid, and she’s lucky to have you!  🙂

    Most of your questions would be best answered by your sister.  You don’t have to give a speech, but if she would like you to and you’re willing, it would be lovely.  No one cares if you do or don’t bring a date, they’ll likely be thrilled to see you healthy!  And the best thing anyone can do for a bride is to keep them calm on their wedding day, and try to make them smile if they’re stressed.  Good luck to both of you!!  🙂

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