(Closed) I’m the tacky one… oh no! When to tell?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What do I do with my ring for the family member's wedding?
    Wear it with pride...say you eloped and be vague/redirect when asked about the date : (60 votes)
    87 %
    Wear it around your neck : (8 votes)
    12 %
    Wear it and try to hide your hand while chasing toddlers. : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I don’t see what the big deal is. Tell them if they ask.

     

    Oh we eloped.

    Post # 4
    Member
    581 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I agree with pp.  but if it’s that big of a deal, (I know you don’t want to take off the ring) why don’t you just leave the ring at home for the night and tell everyone another day?

    and definitely don’t wear it around your neck! that just draws more attention and will make people ask.

    Post # 5
    Member
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    If it was my wedding (the big one), I would want you to wear your ring!!! I am very laidback though, and I don’t believe that my happiness for the day can be taken away because someone else was happily married the week before (even if quietly, and no one knows) and it was brought to light on “my day”. The day isn’t just about me, it isn’t just about my fiance and I, it’s about all of our families and I woud want to celebrate your happiness as well.

    BUT I much more relaxed then some others and if I was the one that eloped I certainly wouldn’t want to take anything away from the bride of the big wedding. If you are concerned, as I would be, maybe you could inform the bride ahead of time and let her know that you respect her and her day, and see how she feels about it 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    2281 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    If you were having a big wedding right before a family member’s, that might be tacky, since it would distract from hers. But eloping – well, you’re deliberately doing something that doesn’t attract attention. No biggie. Tell people if they ask. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I actually got engaged the night before one of my good college friends wedding. We had many mutual friends that attended her wedding, so it would’ve been great to share the news…however, it was not MY day and I took off my engagement ring and waited until the following day to tell people. Not that she would be upset, but I just thought it was respectful to do that.

    You said you know this will cause family drama.  I know I would be upset if my extended family was in an uproar about my *cousin* (or whatever relation you are) getting married in private the night before and choosing to tell the news at my wedding.  I don’t mean that selfishly, I just mean you know it will spoil the mood of the night for those family members…and the bride.

    I would take off the ring and wait until a later date, whenever it may be, to tell them.  Just not the following night.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Meh wear the wedding ring and don’t say anything.  I bet noone will notice.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1577 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Mrs. Bubb:  I like the suggestion of talking to the other bride and asking her preferences.  I would hope that she would be happy and excited for you, and be thrilled to have you wear your ring.

    Post # 10
    Member
    11356 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I definitely think you should wear your ring. If people notice and ask you about it, tell them.

    Post # 11
    Member
    13010 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Wear your ring.  Not wearing it looks like you have something to hide, and you shouldn’t.  You can casually tell anyone who asks, and keep it quiet to anyone who doesn’t notice.  But I would tell the bride up front so she knows that your ceremony happened, but let her know you aren’t trying to steal the limelight.

    Post # 12
    Member
    745 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I think the reason why people get (imho – wrongly) sensitive is when they percieve the wedding to be something that will outshine theirs. Since yours will be a small affair, I can’t imagine this girl beign upset. I guess if you run around during the key events, throw up your hand, and shout “OMG! I’m MARRIED, y’all!!!!”, she might have reason to be upset. But if you wear it and someone asks, you should be able to tell them. If it’s someone you’re worried will try to spread the news in some oddly inappropriate way (i.e. picking up the mic and announcing it during their first dance), you can ask them to keep quiet.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    Wear it. 

    Anyone who comes up to you, you can politely tell them, that you would love to tell them all about it at a later time, as you don’t want to take anything away from Jack and Diane’s special day. 

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    765 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Wear your ring. It’s not tacky you aren’t trying to compete you are having completely different types of weddings. 

    Plus she mayand so excited and caught up in the moment she may not notice your ring. 

    If she does just say you eloped and leave it at that. Then announce it later, with wedding announcement cards. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    3121 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I mean, I wouldn’t run into the ceremony space, screaming it at the top of your lungs, but I wouldn’t hide it!  It’s not the same as if you invited allllllll of their guests to a huge wedding the day before.  You’re doing nothing wrong…no worries!

    Post # 16
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    Wear it. Probably no one will really notice it, and everyone will be paying attention to the happy couple anyway. 

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