(Closed) I’m thinking about calling off the wedding..Advice?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

@blg529: Our stories seem very similar, although I recently called it off.

OP, please take a step back and breathe, slow it down, and listen to yourself.   Listen to your heart, yes, but more so, listen to that voice inside of you.  If there is more doubt than certainty, you owe it to yourself and your Fiance to be honest and open.

A few months of planning and thousands of dollars are not worth a future of resentment, doubts, or trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.  I, too, was with my ex-Fi for 5 years, and while we cared deeply for one another, I began to realize that we had not grown together like I would expect of a husband and wife.  We no longer connected like we once did.  After months of doubts, counseling (by myself), reading books such as The Conscious Bride (referenced in the website above), journaling, and thinking long and hard, I decided it wasn’t right.  And it was hard, but much easier than going in to something I couldn’t fully commit to.

Feel free to message me.  Best wishes.

Post # 18
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

oh Hun I agree with all the other Bees. This sounds like more than a case of cold feet. Sounds like you guys need to rekindle and figure out why you guys decided to do this in the first place. Sex only 2 x per/month..?? Now I know we all get busy.. but we cant let that flame die down esp. when your marriage hasn’t event begun!! Talk to him!! Hash it out.. Find solutions! You don’t want to be in this same stand still 5, 10 years from now and realize that you made a huge mistake!

Post # 19
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Never, ever get married just to have a wedding! Marriage is hopefully a life-long commitment and you do not want to me miserable. And divorces can be messy affiars, I know as I have been divorced twice!

Post # 20
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It sounds like the relationship has run it’s course…

If you feel calling the wedding off is the right thing to do, listen to your intuition. Don’t sign on for a lifetime of unhappiness.

Post # 21
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@SnugglesKD: Hey dear, read your message. Im a to be bride and Im also considering calling off the wedding too but the only thing is that my wedding is only 2 and half months away!! I don’t know what to do. I really love the guy and feel guilty and horrible at the thought of leaving him but at the same time I can’t imagine spending my whole life with him. It just drains me emotionally and mentally to think of it! It has never been easy for us but there have been moments where I’ve felt like I’ll never meet anyone who’ll love me as much as he does but that means him coming into my life with all his controlling and bad behaviour. I know marriages are not going to be a walk in the park but I don’t want it to be a constant struggle everyday. I have spoken to him about this and he thinks that Im over reacting and Im only focusing on the negative things. According to him I need to be more positive about the wedding, our future and life together. I have never lived with him so I don’t know how it would be like to live together. I’ve been advised that things change when you start living together. I’m sure it will. Just not sure whether it’ll get better or worse. I was absolutely fine a month or 2 ago but for the past few weeks I’ve been getting anxiety attacks and getting all jittery. I can’t focus or do anything right. I’ve lost my apetite and feel like throwing up when I’m thinking too much. It’s come to a point where I’ve lost all interest in anything to do with the wedding and try to keep putting things off. It’s really bothering me and it reflects in my chats with my fiance whenever I speak to him. I’ve also spoken to my family about this. They dnt know what to advise me except that its my decision and that they’ll support whatever I choose to do. When I spoke to my fiance abt this, he was pretty reluctant to hear that Im considering bailing out. He wants me to hang in there, not get scared and think positively. He’s a nice guy and he’s lovely and wonderful and generous but he’s also controlling, angry and verbally abusive ( at times) and arguementative. I have my flaws too such as I’m a big pessimist and cynical. I really do not want to call the wedding off but something just doesn’t feel right and I really dont know what it is. I dont even know if it the thought of marriage or its the thought of marrying him that’s bothering me. I’ve heard that when its the right time and the right man, you will have no doubts but I dont know if that’s entirely true for skeptical and cynical people like me. I’m scared that I may lose the guy I’ve finally learned to trust and love over my fears and issues. I’m having great difficulty pin pointing what my REAL problem is. There’s nothing wrong with him, ie looks, family, background, religion, money etc that could cause me to subconsciously feel this way. Apart from the incompatibility. I’ve been with him over 2 years so his behaviour shouldn’t have been an issue. Please let me know what I’m about to do is the right thing or not. I’m in a BIG dilemma. I know that this will be the hardest and meanest thing I’ll ever do to someone.

Post # 22
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

coffyeyes

@ConfusedGirl:

 Like other PP’s, I suggest you call off the wedding.  I’m so sorry you both are going through this.  But you know in your heart something isn’t right.  Canceling a wedding is easier (and cheaper) than going through a divorce!  I should know, as a child of divorced parents.

Be strong. It WILL get better.

Post # 23
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@ConfusedGirl: what did you end up doing?

 

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