(Closed) im thinking DIVORCE!!!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

It sounds like he needs some support. Depression is a real thing that often can be helped through therapy and/or medication. My Darling Husband has depression, and I can’t imagine leaving him because of it. I knew what I signed up for, and I love him with all of my heart for who he is. Marriage in sickness and in health. Maybe you should encourage him to seek treatment.

Post # 4
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@rozzy:  Well, I think if anything you should want to support him rather than leave him. Depression is so hard to deal with and has emotional and physical symptoms. You made a lifelong commitment to someone and as soon as it gets tough, you want to leave? You should have stayed his girlfriend then. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but I don’t take the commitment of marriage lightly, or else I wouldn’t embark on the journey. I get that it is hard for you too, but imagine how he feels. He needs to seek professional help and it would be great for him to have his wife by his side.

Marriage has lots of ebbs and flows and sometimes it sucks, sometimes it’s hard, and sometimes it is just no fun at all. However, you love each other (I think) and should do whatever you can to work through it. Especially with a medical condition, I would suggest that he seeks help and you try to be a bit more understanding of his needs. When my Fiance is going through a tough time, I try my best not to think of myself and to help him get through it, same as he would do for me. We are committed to being together through thick and thin, sickness and health. That’s what marriage is all about 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think it’s fair of you to be considering leaving your husband because he is going through some depression, for what sounds like fairly valid reasons. Has he been to see a counselor or a doctor about it? Perhaps it’s something like Seasonal Affective Disorder?

When you get married, vows typically include ‘sickness and health, better or worse’. For you to be considering divorce two months in, says to me that there may be other underlying issues aside from his depression that are causing you to want to leave.

Post # 6
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@rozzy:  Depression is very real and debilitating. It is not the same as just feeling glum and down and out. It is waking up every single morning feeling like you are in a dark, dark hole that is so deep you can’t see the light of day and you have no idea how you will dig yourself out of it. It is very frightening for people who suffer from it. It sounds like he needs support and medication.

 

Post # 7
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Baroness_Meg:  I have to agree….OP it seems like your vows meant nothing to you when you took them.

 

Post # 8
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BoxerLady:  1000% agree

 

 

We recently discovered Fiance has an anxiety disorder. Its affecting his sleep, our sex life/intimacy, every day things, etc. It is going to be rough trying to find the right fit of medication for him as well as dealing with potential side effects from those medications that could really pose a blow to our relationship. I love him though, with every part of me, and I would not leave him especially because he is seeking treatment.

HE. CAN’T. HELP. IT. Its hard to understand any sort of mental illness, but if he is truly depressed you can’t get mad at him for it. Help him get help.

Post # 9
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with the PPs. I’m not married yet, but I already mean every word of the vows I will take. My FH is my best friend. I could never in a million years imagine leaving him when he needs me the most. I think you’re being a bit selfish.

Post # 10
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@s2bmrscook:  1+ agreed

Post # 11
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think you need to realize that he’s not doing this on purpose. Depression is a serious issue, and I PROMISE you, he’s not enjoying it any more than you are. He’s not trying to cause you pain, but when depression hits… sometimes, causing other people pain is the only way to escape from your own pain. It’s sad, but part of life. The fact that you’re thinking about divorce during a time when he needs support and comfort is worrisome to me. If he sees that you’re getting upset over something he probably feels like he can’t control, his depression is only going to get worse. I’m not here to judge, and I know it’s hard empathize  when you can’t fully understand what he’s going through, but I really would encourage you to put yourself in his shoes as much as you can.

Post # 12
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My ex husband was severely bipolar (yes, officially diagnosed), and was involuntarily committed multiple times.  I left for a multitude of reasons, but this was a significant one.  He refused to seek help, and “sickness and health” is one thing, but when the other person blatantly refuses to accept any kind of help whatsoever, it’s not something that can be sustained.  He didn’t want to get better, he just wanted to make me as miserable as he was so I couldn’t leave.  It’s not easy living with mental illness in the best of times.  It’s impossible if they refuse to help themselves.  I don’t know what OPs husband’s situation is, but don’t judge her based on your assumptions of the situation.

Post # 13
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@onourway13:  Exactly. He didn’t ask for the problem, but he did ask for the OP’s hand in marriage. I would never leave my Fiance in his time of need. I can’t even contemplate it. Of course, it impacts you too and I’m so sorry that it’s become a shadow on so much of your lives at the moment. But you WILL get through it and have so many more years to enjoy together. And your relationship will be all the stronger for you being an awesome partner and supporting him in his quest for help. And good for him for seeking help!

Post # 14
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

depression is serious. Bringing up divorce, saying it or suggesting it is going to make him feel worse about the situation he is in. He’s going to feel like a failure in his marriage with you. That is the last thing you want to happen.

 

No matter how he is feeling, you are his wife, he is your husband. You need to take the bull by the horns and steer him in the right direction and support him 110%.  Be there for him, don’t yell at him, start arguments, fight, threaten to leave.  This is going to make him feel worse about the situation he is in.  Support. 

 

Remember the vows you spoke to him…..respect those and do your job as a wife to your husband

 

Post # 15
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MariContrary:  They’ve been married for 2 months. I’m going to assume (if this is true depression) this did not just start after they signed the papers.

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