(Closed) im thinking DIVORCE!!!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@rozzy:  As both person who has suffered from depression and has lived with persons with depression I feel it for you. It is very difficult to be with someone in that situation. Its a mental illness that needs medical attention. Aside from counselling, please encourage your husband to see a doctor. I hope your marriage does not end though it will take him some time to get better. *Internet hugs*

Post # 48
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

@sealevels:  &

View original reply
@rozzy:  – DH and I are going through counseling at a Christian university near our house.  Their fees are $20 – $50/session, depending on income.  Yes, you see a student therapist, but it’s definitely affordable!  I actually utilized the student therapists as an undergrad for YEARS (it was free).  It was super helpful.

 

Post # 49
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

@rozzy  living with someone who lost their job is hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I get the feeling that you are trying, why else would you be working and doing the child care, and the cleaning…. 

 

Here is the thing. The spouse of a depressed person needs support, because you have lost your partner and you have to do more work to make up for their inability to help out, and you’re scared that he might never come back. 

 

So, here’s a big hug. That’s number one. Number two, when you talk about divorce, I take that to mean you can’t imagine living like ths forever. I don’t blame you. So, take it one day at a time for the next week. You just need to try to get through the next week (Manageable time frames will help when you feel overwhelmed, I’m not suggesting you leave in a week).  In that week, reach out to sliding scale counciling centers and call your family doctor to see if they have any sample drugs they think are right for DH. Sometimes manufacturers will offer you a drug at a discount too.

 

In the meantime, do something nice for yourself, and make sure you have a friend to lean on. You’re shouldering a lot right now. Remember, this isn’t forever. ESP if he is depressed because he lost his job.. That is not the same as being a depressive personality. 

 

Post # 51
Member
1693 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@rozzy:  i took my vows very seriously however im still human and by my husband being depressed he wont get up and try.he wont look for work,clean the house,sometimes ignores our 5 yr old child.he cant get medication because neither one of us nolonger has health insurance.hi try to send him job leads so that he can help the household and himself financially and he wont.its hard.

 

do you understand how depression affects a person who has it? that statement above really makes me think you don’t. someone battling depression literally cannot get up to clean the house or take care of their kid. he’s not acting that way because he’s lazy. he has an imbalance and needs medication and therapy. please look around for a therapist who works on a sliding scale and look into medication. there are low cost clinics that you guys can go to. he’s going to say he doesn’t want treatment because he’s depressed. it’s the depression talking, not him. once he gets on meds and sees a therapist, he’ll feel much better. he needs your support right now more than ever.

eta- i also think you should look for a support group for spouses of people with depression. it can really help you to be able to talk about your feelings with other people who are going through the same thing.

Post # 52
Member
5708 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@calibee79:  +1

But I will also say this: you should just leave him then if you are this unhappy. He deserves to be with someone who will understand what he is going through. This is not a “phase.” It is a disorder. Depression takes time to heal, and it doesn’t happen overnight and rather than helping him and supporting him like you should be doing as his wife, you aren’t.

If he isn’t doesn’t want to receive help then you do need to do what is best for you, but if you really, truly, respect this marriage you will try to help you a little more than just 2 months. I feel there is underlying issues that happened before you married him.

Post # 53
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@rozzy:  Have you actually asked him why he doesn’t want help instead of assuming? Will he consider an antidepressant? Have you told him he HAS to help you to help him?

Post # 54
Member
1781 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@onourway13:  Agreed.  But I have no idea if they lived together first or not, so it may not have been obvious.  I mean, my ex took a day and spring cleaned the house top to bottom.  I had no idea that’s because he was in a manic phase.  I thought he was being an incredibly thoughtful, awesome person.  I thought when he was sick in bed for days that he was physically ill with the flu, not that his depression was causing it.  NOW, years after the fact, the symptoms are obvious.  They weren’t when I was living through it, because I wanted so badly to believe him.

 

View original reply
@rozzy:  The best thing I can suggest is to talk to him on one of his good days, and encourage him to seek help.  You can’t do it for him, and you can’t make him do it. You CAN reinforce to him that you love him, you support him, and you need him to be a partner in this marriage. 

Post # 56
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@rozzy:  So let me get this straight, you want to divorce your husband because he’s mentally ill? Good riddance!

He’s better off without you, mentalities like yours are exactly what’s wrong with the mental health system and the stigma associated with living with a mental illness.

Post # 57
Member
977 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@KC-2722:  I wanted to say the same thing but didn’t have the balls to 😛

Post # 58
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Having gone though depression and been lucky enough to have a wonderful fiance who supported my through good times AND bad, this post makes me pretty sad. It is meant to be for better or worse in sickness and health, not just when things are good.

I know it can be hard living with someone who has this in their life, but right now, no matter how hard it is he needs you to help him through this.

Post # 59
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@KC-2722:  I love this so, so much. Thank you 🙂

Post # 60
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

OP, you need to do some reading and actually understand what depression is. It’s very clear that you have absolutely no idea.

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