(Closed) I’m thinking of kicking out a bridesmaid just so I can get rid of a groomsman

posted 12 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It would certainly make for an easier excuse to tell the groomsman, rather than “you are a total jerk – I want you out”.  That being said, I think it’s not a bad idea ONLY if you really think your bridesmaid would prefer to be let go of the responsibility.  If not, I would definitely say no because it’s kind of mean to cut out a bridesmaid just to make it easier to get rid of a groomsman.

Post # 4
16 posts
  • Wedding: June 2010

That’s a little sneaky. But I guess it depends on what your fiance will think. If you really despise the groomsman, you should probably discuss how you feel about him with your man before kicking out one of his friends. I don’t think the fact that you removed a bridesmaid is a good enough reason to un-ask someone your fiance asked to stand up with him at the wedding.

Post # 5
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

… that’s a little bit extreme. You can tell her that it’s okay if she can’t make it back, but I don’t think you should just kick her out. That could cause some hurt feelings. Really, there’s no reason to be sneaky about anything- it might get it done, but it’s just not… nice. Sit down with your Fiance and tell him that he needs to talk to his groomsman about his attitude. Since you didn’t give many specifics, I don’t know if it’s one of his close friends or what, but if your Fiance has chosen him to stand up there, there’s got to be a reason and it’s not really fair of you to want to just throw him out without your FI’s opinion and input.

Post # 7
27 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

I know you really want to get rid of this guy and I think that’s totally understandable, but are you sure your Fiance is going to be okay with kicking Vince out just because you’re down one bridesmaid?  He might be kind of annoyed that despite him saying he wants Vince to be a groomsman, you’re still trying to find a way to kick him out.  It will be obvious what you’re doing.

Did your Fiance ever talk to Vince and ask him to stop being so negative?  Maybe it’s time to talk about how nothing has changed and it’s making you feel incredibly stressed out about your wedding day, instead of happy.  Try to turn this into something he can do to help you.  He loves you and he wants you to be happy, but it will be easier for him to think about kicking Vince out if he doesn’t feel like he’s being forced.

Post # 8
3674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

i don’t know about that, your friend might be hurt that you’re kicking her out when she’s coming all that way just to come to your wedding. plus, does your fi know how you feel about his groomsman? he obviously picked him for a reason. he might say that he’s ok with an uneven bridal party, or choose someone else to kick out. it’s probably easier just to deal with him.

Post # 9
755 posts
Busy bee

It is definitely not your decision about who your fiance chooses to stand up for him as a groomsman.

I think it is kinda Bridezilla to create this whole scenario to get your fiance to willingly get rid of his friend (sorry!), especially since he likes the guy. What if you got rid of your Paris Bridesmaid or Best Man and then your fiance decides to boot a different GM?!?! That would probably be the worst scenario.

If the Paris Bridesmaid or Best Man has already insisted she still wants to be in your wedding, then she wants to be in your wedding and I wouldn’t bring up stepping down to her again.

Post # 10
212 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you should kick out your bridesmaid AT ALL.  I would be really hurt if I got kicked out of a wedding just because I moved to another country.  It’s one thing if she has expressed to you that she doesn’t think she can be in your wedding any more due to living abroad, but if she hasn’t, then it is very possible that she is very much looking forward to your wedding as an opportunity to be with you and her other friends after being in a foreign country for so long.

As for the groomsman, it is your fiance’s call, not yours.  In your other post you say that your fiance refuses to kick him out because “Vince” has been there for him through thick and thin.  Just like you chose your girls, your FI has chosen the people that are most important to him and that he wants to stand with him on his day.  I don’t mean this to sound harsh, but this just isn’t your decision to make.

Keep in mind that you won’t be spending that much time with the groomsmen anyway, just a few photos after the ceremony and that’s it.  It is not worth the drama and the friendship fallout that will ensue.  If Paris girl can’t make it to your wedding, then just have uneven sides. There is no requirement to have even sides.  I’ve been in a wedding where the sides were uneven and it was totally fine and nobody even noticed.

Post # 11
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2022 - The Grand Old House, Grand Cayman

I don’t think you have to kick out a bridesmaid in order to get rid of the groomsman.  Nobody will notice if your wedding party is uneven by one person. 

Post # 13
212 posts
Helper bee

I am glad that you are reconsidering about kicking out the bridesmaid.

I actually read through your other thread and I agree with you that Vince sounds like a jerk but seriously, you will NOT be spending that much time with the groomsmen on your wedding day!  I hardly had time to even talk to most of our groomsmen, to be honest!  You spend the whole day getting ready with your girls, then during the ceremony they’re just standing there, then afterwards there are some photos and that’s it!

Unless you completely disinvite Vince from your wedding, the obnoxious behaviors you are worried about (getting wasted, insulting you, etc) are still a possibility regardless of whether or not he is a groomsman.  If your fiance isn’t budging on this one, I would really let this one go.

Post # 14
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

As annoying as Vince is, unfortunately it’s not your decision whether or not he’s a member of the groom’s party. I wouldn’t take it out on your friend!

Post # 15
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

That doesn’t really make sense. Why would it be okay to kick a groomsman out b/c a bridesmaid dropped out? And why him? It would or at least should end the friendship. I think you should just be honest with him and say that you don’t think he’s being supportive and maybe give him a choice – shape up or ship out.

Post # 16
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Well, you certainly have enough comments about what a bad idea it is to kick out the Bridesmaid or Best Man, so I won’t elaborate ๐Ÿ™‚

However, I really think you need to talk to your Fiance about “Vince.” It obviously really bothers you, and he should be taking that into consideration. Is your Fiance in agreement with you that “Vince” is acting like an ass? I would explain to your Fiance what a toll this is taking on you emotionally, and even say that you understand why he wants “Vince” in the wedding party. But ask your Fiance to talk to “Vince” and explain that his negativity is going too far, and it’s affecting you BOTH.

I would imagine the conversation going something like this:

“Vince, I understand that you’re goibng through a really rough time right now, and I’m doing my best to get you through it. But I’m also going through a very happy time, and Fiance and I are very happy to be getting married. Whether you believe that or not doesn’t matter. Right now I need you to just be a friend and be supportive of our marriage. Your negative comments have started to  take a toll on our happiness as we plan this wedding, and it’s getting to the point where it’s hurting BOTH our feelings. I really need your support right now, so do you think this is something you can do for me?”

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