weddingno : OP I think you’re getting backlash because of several of the things you have said.
1. You started out with an irrational post that shows an almost obsessive level of interest in someone who is unattainable.
2. You seem to have no concern for how SHE feels. Most functioning adults know how to make decisions in life and if she chose someone else, she most likely did for her own reasons. I can promise you she knows how she feels better than you do.
3. You are playing pity party, and no one likes that.
To share my own experience:
I used to work with a man around my age, he came in a few years after me. We started talking and getting lunch together, at which point he told me he is gay. (For context, he is a very blue collar, “manly” kind of gay, in no way what anyone would expect, as far as stereotypes go; I also had no “proof” he was gay, not that I should need any – keep this in mind later.)
About six months down the road, my ex and I were starting our breakup and I was looking for an apartment. I mentioned this to my gay male friend, who suggested we find an apartment together. So we get a two bedroom, two bath apartment together.
This is when everything goes to shit.
Within weeks of moving in together, he starts to act crazy. Starting verbal arguments, being possessive, and getting ***really*** interested in me physically (can I feel your boobs? What does your vagina look like? Do you want to cuddle naked? You dont have to wear clothes around the house.) When I started dating after my breakup, he started cutting me down emotionally, talking shit about me to our friends and coworkers, starting fights with me at work, threatening to tell our boss negative things about me, threatening to lock me out, evict me (50/50 lease, legally not possible), sue me, etc. and in one instance, he got physically violent and backed me into a corner then punched multiple holes in the wall.
All because I was dating other men.
Why did I not see this coming?
Because I thought he was gay. Because I trusted what he had been telling me for months and I ignored the signs – wanting to cuddle, asking me to sleep in his bed, asking what my body parts felt like. Because he presented himself as non-threatening and platonic from the beginning, and I trusted that.
In this instance, he achieved this deception because he pretended to be gay. Some men achieve similar deceptions by presenting themselves as the nerdy friend, the guy next door, that guy who thinks of you as a “sister”…….there are men in this world who prey on women by disguising themselves as the kind of person women don’t have to worry about, disguising themselves as “The Nice Guy”.
These men can be the most dangerous. Sometimes these lies take months and even years. They gain trust and eventually distance you from friends and family, positioning themselves to be the only support system. And this is how they get control.
Nowhere in these deceptions do they ever ask what the woman wants. If the woman wants to date them. If the woman wants to have sex with them. These men prey on emotionally vulnerable women, they find their weak spots and they wait until they see an opportunity.
Women hate these men because they are predators who pretend to be prey. They play sick puppy to get an in. These men end up abusive, controlling, demanding, threatening. Sometimes they become stalkers, sometimes they become rapists. Sometimes, as in my case, they physically threaten you, isolate you from your friends, leave you with unpaid utility bills, turn your friends against you, and make you move jobs.
I am telling you this because the things you have said here – playing the ‘poor me’ card, presenting yourself as an underdog, saying you never get a chance, ignoring what the bride wants – make you seem like this kind of man I’ve described. And that’s why the women here hate you. You seem like a liar and you seem delusional. And that is dangerous.
At NO POINT have you expressed concern or respect for this woman. You seem to think she owes you something. No one owes you anything in life. Ever. She has a right as an adult, a woman, and as a human being to make her own choices, and she has chosen. You are ignoring what she needs, wants, and feels in favor of your own selfish comfort. And yes, it is selfish. And scary. You talk about her like an object, like a bitch getting passed around a gang rape, rather than a person – “my turn”. She is not your property, she is a human being. You don’t get a turn. You get a chance, and you missed it. Move on.
Please leave this woman alone. You have missed your chance.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE:
There are A LOT of women in the world. A lot. Many of them are single – not a majority, but enough. There are so many possibilities. You need to focus on yourself, make yourself better, and then open yourself to those possibilities.
But for now, let her go. You will find someone. It’s not her.
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