- 7 years ago
Just FYI, I am a regular poster, but like a lot of people here, had a hard time sharing this under my real name.
I am such a mess right now, it’s hard for me to even write this post. My SO and I have been together for three years. We are very serious, we have a finite plan for me to move in and have talked seriously about marriage and children. I love him more than I thought I could ever love somene else and I always thought that nothing could make me walk away from that.
He has always had a bad temper & I am concerned about his level of drinking. Rather than list our entire long history, I’m just going to tell you about yesterday’s argument which sent me over the edge.
I’ve been really sick the last couple of days. He called me yesterday morning and invited me over to watch a football game. I wasn’t feeling great, but he said he really wanted to spend time together, so I said yes. About 10 minutes before I was about to leave to go to his house, he called me and told me one of his buddies was coming over. Mind you, I was in sweats, unshowered, feeling REALLY ill and his friend likes to party, so I knew the atmosphere wasn’t a good one for me at the time. I told him it wasn’t a big deal, but maybe he could just have a guys day and I would come over after the game. I then asked him if he could watch his alcohol intake because I didn’t want to go over to his house just to deal with him acting drunk. He got very annoyed at this request and basically told me I shouldn’t tell him what to do and he’d just see me another day. I was very hurt that he chose drinking over me. We exchanged words and hung up.
I called my mother about this because I was really distraught. I feel that in a relationship, couples should compromise…but it feels like it’s always ME who does this. I called him back about an hour later and gave him a very impassioned response. I basically told him how hurt I was and how I felt that we needed to be compromising. I said that I don’t want to be in an unhealthy relationship where someone chooses alcohol over me and if he can’t do that, then we need to really reconsider our relationship. He seemed to understand, apologized, and offered to watch his drinking and not get drunk so that I would come over after.
He seemed to really get what I was saying and I was so relieved.
I called him after the game to figure out our plans and sure enough–he was drunk. When I asked him why he did that, he said it was because he doesn’t like being “told” to do anything. I asked him what he wanted from me and he said that I need to just “step back and let him do his thing.” He then told me that he’s an alcoholic. He has said this before–during arguments about his drinking, because he knows it riles me up. His mother is an alcoholic and I worry about this happening to him. The conversation ended with him saying “fuck you” to me and hanging up the phone.
I was devestated. I love this man and I love who he is most of the time, but I do NOT think it’s okay for him to a) choose drinking over me and b) speak to me like he did at the end of that phone call.
I am at a loss for what to do. I have spoken to close friends and family about this and everyone agrees that while he is clearly in the wrong and something needs to be done, they want us to work it out.
When I was a child and dreamed about love, this was not what I pictured. I love my SO and have trouble imagining a life without him, but if we continue down this path, I know that it won’t lead anywhere good. I’m torn between giving it one last try or walking away entirely.
After our argument, I spent the day with a friend who was very supportive. He didn’t try to call or contact me. Last night, around 11pm, he send me a text that basically said he was sorry for being a dick that he loves me and hopes I can forgive him. I didn’t reply. He sent me another one around 8am just saying “I love you.” I’m not sure what to even say to him right now…
Thanks for reading, I know it’s long and probably kind of incoherent.