(Closed) I’m Tired of ALL of It! Sad

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3285 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I’m so sorry you feel this way =( Is there anyone you can talk to about this?  Does your Fiance realize what kind of stress you are going through??

Post # 4
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

🙁 Just remember that all these people love you and want to be with you on your big day. Barring that, you could always just elope 🙂

Post # 5
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m not really sure what’s led you to feel so miserable at the moment, but I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Hugs!

Your first statement is a very bold one (you want to call off your wedding if not for all the money you’ve invested in it), so I’m going to ask you a simple but blunt question: Do you still want to marry your FI?

If the answer is yes, then the two of you need to throw all the wedding prep talk out the window and turn the focus back on each other. Think back to the happiness and optimism you felt when you first decided to marry. Deciding to marry and planning a wedding are two different things; try not to confuse them.

If you’re feeling unsure of your answer, you need to do a lot of soul searching (quickly). You said you and your Fiance aren’t getting on so well at the moment, but don’t make a knee jerk decision. Take some time out and really focus on what you want and what will make you happy again.

If the bulk of the stress is coming from family/friends and you feel the wedding is all about/for them, then I sort of agree with KMSull — call their bluff and elope! You don’t have to run away to elope, but your Fiance and you can secretly visit a justice of the peace and have your own private day to celebrate your marriage together. Then when your “wedding day” rolls around on the 17th, think of it more as a party. Maybe then you can relax and feel like you’re back in the driver’s seat.

Post # 6
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am so sorry you feel this way. I am still a year out, and am bummed at times because of the money invested. I would have rather eloped, but my Fiance insisted on a traditional wedding.

 This is still YOUR day. When you are at the altar it will just be you and your Fiance reciting your vows, and committing yourself to each other, and that is all that matters. Forget about everyone else. You are allowed to be selfish for a bit.

You still have a bit of time to reclaim your wedding. Make a few last minute changes if you can, and take your wedding back. I am sure most brides are in some ways forced to do things they do not necessarily want because of what others consider a “wedding tradition”. Don’t let your family drama ruin the first day of a new phase in your life. Good Luck!

 

Post # 7
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Amariem, I’m so sorry you feel the way you do. If it helps any, when I was about the same distance off from my wedding I felt very similar to the way you do. You can read my posts about it earlier.

Anyway, now that the wedding is just a mere 20 days away, I’m really feeling a lot better. I think it helps to be just kind of over it. For example, a few days ago my Future Mother-In-Law picked out flowers and bouts that I would not have liked. She picked them because its the one part of our wedding that she is paying for (beside the RD), and they were inexpensive. You know what I said? THANKS! SOUNDS GREAT! I truly was just grateful that it was one less thing I had to do. I feel so much less stressed now just letting it all go.

Maybe you could try to do the same. Talk to your Fiance about how you feel, and since he is the one who wanted the big wedding he should be happy to step up and take over a lot of the planning. I’m sure it will help to get it off your back and give you time to feel differently before the day comes. 

Post # 9
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Our home and the two acres it sits on

Oh, sweets, I’m so sorry you feel this way!  I can tell you, though, I was so there.  So. There.

So over all of it, so lost in what the freaking point was, so ready to run away and get it all over with becuase I couldn’t stand it for one more second. 

But our wedding day was fantastic, not because it was the vision in my head or the perfect embodiment of who we are, but because our people were there, surrounding us with their (often completely pain-in-the-ass but fantastic nonetheless) presence.  I wouldn’t have traded it for the world.

You’re about a month away, and that’s the worst time.  Well, other than the day before, when I swear to you I was ready to crawl away and hide for a month until it was over. 

So my advice would be not to do anything rash, and frankly, not to do anything at all.  Nothing.  Do not one single thing wedding-related for a weekend, or a couple of days, or one single day.  Decide that whatever’s left to be done can wait a week because your sanity comes first.  A break does wonders for the sanity!

And honestly, weddings are for families, so while I realize your toast was intended in a less-than-generous way, I don’t think it’s too far off the mark if you look at it another way – weddings are for blending families, not to showcase the couple.  It’s a ritual intended to form a union of your extended loved ones.

Keep me updated, and PM me if you just want to vent. (((hugs)))

Post # 10
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I feel the same way. I want out  – not of the marriage, just the wedding. The invites go out next week, and I’m seriously considering not sending them. I cried for hours last night, because this is just a miserable, lonely experience. It’s brought out the worst in so many people and I don’t even know who I’m doing this for anymore.

I regret not eloping.

Post # 11
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Laylabelle… if the invitations haven’t gone out – you *can* still elope without having to call the guestlist. 

I’m sorry that wedding planning is causing so much stress and  I’m sorry that so many brides still feel that they owe their cranky, grumpy guestlists a beautiful wedding achieved by sacrificing their own happiness.

Post # 12
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would recommend that you maybe try to take a step back.  Like Cheese advised, turn the focus back on you and your Fiance and what you two REALLY want this wedding to be.  Yes, all the people offering advice and critiques probably mean well (most of them), but they’re causing you un-needed stress.

I felt like this the first few months of planning.  But I came to a realization one day that since we were paying for the wedding, what everyone else thought was seriously just an opinion.   Not fact.  Not something that I HAD to do or follow their advice on.  It was just their opinion.  And what was MOST important was MY opinion and FI’s opinion.  Those are the only two that matter.

Since that day, I just quit worrying about it all.  It was like realizing that they were sharing an opinion helped me see it all differently.  Truthfully, my family doesn’t know alot of the plans, and most of them don’t even know about my blog.  It just seemed easier that way…

I hope that all of the advice that you’ve gotten here will help you somehow…BIG (((HUGS))) going out to you!

 

Post # 13
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

@cheerful – you’re absolutely right, and thanks for saying it. I’ve really got to give this some thought.

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