(Closed) I’m tired of being the bigger person **RANT**

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

thats how i feel with my grandmother πŸ™ she  goes around and talks trash about me behind my back then is all nice to my face. she finally un invited herself to my wedding (which im happy about) and then caught wind she might show up just because. i will make a seat for her if she shows but at the same time the table she is at has undercover security in charge of her. they know if she shows up and starts making a stink that she is to be removed from the property. people keep telling me to just let her be and she wont but we all know she will. i already said ill be the first to knock her teeth down her throat if she gets out of line or in my face.

Post # 4
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee

Do something for yourself. Go get your nails done or see a movie or go take a walk in a park…anything just by yourself without worrying about other people. 

Try to not get too emotionally involved…have other friends as well that you can hang out with that won’t drain your emotions. If you have a large support system, their drama won’t seem as bad. Go take a class or something to meet some new people πŸ™‚ 

I feel for you because they’re family and it’s hard to not be emotionally involved. πŸ™ That’s really frustrating. 

Post # 5
Member
3004 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@Treasure43: There are definitely people in my life who fit into this category and it’s frustrating when every moment that you spend with them you feel like you are either keeping your mouth shut or walking into another fight waiting to happen. 

The best thing to do when this happens, for me, is to take a step back, push some of the drama out of my life (if that includes limiting phone calls time spent, etc) and spend time with me, a good book, and some good tea. Being everyone else’s emotional rock is a tough task, and eventually you deserve time to yourself to get back to being yourself. 

Post # 6
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

so, this is exactly how i feel as well!  Same is true about my SIL and Mother-In-Law (sil, “it doesn’t take a genious to see what a total B…ch your fiance is” because i did not pick her steve madden stripper shoes for the wedding party) and your Mother-In-Law described my Mother-In-Law to a T. It is a terrible situation to be in, and it does take away some of the specialness of the planning.

My heart goes out to you–  i dont have any other advice other than try to remmember that this is YOUR and YOUR fiance’s day.  Is it possible to ignore them for now?

it is strange i read your post today bc i was goign to post that same thing.  Also, NONE of my fiance’s family can make the wedding besides his mom, dad, sister.

We just got an email about that his only three groomsan will not be able to make the rehearsal and will not be able to get their tuxes until day of the wedding.  He planned a day of golf the day before the wedding, and no one is able to go.

The one friend, said he cannot take the day off and take the 30 min train down until after work… this is after my fiance spent 1700 on the other guys bachlor party!  and we had to leave at 5:45 in the morning, to take a cross country flight, rent a car, then drive two hours to their wedding.  let alone took two days off each for every other groomsman in the wedding.  Another guy is driving 4 hours for the wedding, the forth across country so  I do understand that

It feels like no one cares about our wedding, my fiance is hurting and it breaks my heart.  I’m still looking forward to our wedding, my family has been great and I just feel like his friends and family are trying their best to ruin it.

Post # 7
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Treasure43: Sorry, that’s a tough situation. The best advice I can give you is that as soon as you feel yourself getting “sucked in,” take a step back and remind yourself that it’s not your responsibility to please everyone or make everyone around you happy. Accept that you cannot change their perspectives or their personalities, and don’t take their issues on your own shoulders. Minimize your exposure as much as possible and spend more time with those who lift you up vs. bring you down.

Post # 8
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Treasure43: I totally feel your pain!!!

@snobunyz24: And yours!!!!

Some gems form the FMIL/FSIL dream team of doom

– SIL is not attending the CEREMONY for ‘religious reasons’

– Mother-In-Law wants SIL in ALL the pictures

– And to have her hair done

-And to have her makeup done

– And can’t we hold the rehersal dinner somewhere so Future Sister-In-Law can attend?

– And isn’t it GREAT that she’s staying at the wedding hotel?

-BEFORE she made this decision, I had said she would not be in the bridal party due to some of her outrageous behavior (calling Fiance when I was in Iraq to demand time, date, venue and RELIGION of the wedding be changed) and Future Mother-In-Law said ‘But of course the invitation is still open right??????’

– OH, Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law went shopping for FMILs dress…Guess who is wearing white? No no, guess

Post # 9
Member
7394 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Beansy: Hold up…  Are you saying they want YOU to pay for Future Sister-In-Law out of the wedding budget? And she’s not even in the party? Please, please tell me you didn’t go along with that madness.

Post # 10
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Are Fiance and FSIL/FMIL close?!  I would ask that HE take over on this stuff.  The “requests” they’ve made are completely out of line and should be handled by him IMO. 

If Fiance and fam aren’t close, are you considering asking them not to be a part of the day?  If Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t agree with the ceremony (which is what the day is all about) maybe she shouldn’t be coming to ANY of the festivities.

I normally try to stay out of drama surrounding my FI’s family but at some point you have to stick up for yourself and remind everyone involved that it is you and FI’s day…. no one elses.

Post # 11
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I can relate. Its hard to be there for everyone and their issues, when you have your own. It is mentally emotionally draing. Heres the deal though. You cant put others before yourself ALL the time. I know this sounds selfish, but how can you possible help others and be there for them if you cant make time for yourself and make sure that your health, physical, mental, emotional etc is okay. There is only so much one person can take on without feeling completely drained. You dont need to be that bigger person all the time. Take some time for your self hun. Im sorry your feeling this way!!

Post # 12
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I feel like this all the time.  My FCIL is selfish and expects everyone to do stuff for her when she can’t be bothered to do for us when we need her.  I got fed up and just stopped talking to her because i decided to cut her out of my life.  Then, of course, she turned me into a bad guy.  She started crying and called me a liar because I insisted that my FB statuses are not about her (she insists that everybody is always directing their statuses towards her).  So I had to forgive her and pretend things are peachy again.  

So many women in mine and FI’s family trash me behind my back, but I can’t confront them.  I have to sit back and take it.

Post # 13
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh and she still expects to be in the bridal party… and I’m sure my FSILs will be obnoxious if I let FCIL be in the party.

Post # 14
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

That’s ridiculous @Beansy: the religion of a ceremony be changed? πŸ™ ick. I’ve never heard of that mattering to some people at all. A wedding is a wedding, regardless of what ceremonial things you include, it’s two people joining together… not some dramatically religious experience all the guests are forced to partake in. 

 

@Treasure43: I feel your pain. I’ve had to deal with more than my share of crap from my FIL’s and … mature or not… I’m so tired of trying to be the bigger person I’ve stopped. To me, it’s just not worth developing any relationship with these people. I’m sorry you are going through this, but trust me that it’s not you. Anyone would be burned out from dealing with those things day to day! 

Post # 15
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I feel you! sometimes i feel the same way. If i dont just suck it up and try to fix things, it’ll just get worse…and as tiring as it is for you, you should be proud of yourself for being the biggger person…its a very noble trait to have.

Post # 16
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

gees there are some real gems out there…. what do you think happens to common sense when your son/brother gets married?

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