(Closed) I'm tired of people's attitudes when I try to do the right thing!!!!

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 3
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Just say something like this, “We love that time of year, and I wanted to leave myself enough time to plan!”  I found if you don’t mention money, and instead mention how you need time to plan, it doesn’t lead to those kind of remarks.


Post # 4
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You should be really proud of your approach! It sounds really practical, independent and intelligent.

Congratulations on uour engagement!

Post # 5
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

i got the same response. but guess what.. two years later i got my dream wedding and didn’t go one cent into debt..

Post # 6
11177 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@VictorianChick: For some reason weddings and babies encourage the most ridiculous comments. If you got married in six months people would be sayng you are rushing things and two years is apparently too long, in other words there is no pleasing people.

We had a lavish wedding, paid for it ourselves and did not go into debt…we took 18 glorious months to plan it and it was well worth the wait. Do what you need to do.

Post # 7
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley

@VictorianChick:  When people would hear that I helped pick out my ring they would say things like the proposal wasn’t special, or that he ruined the surprise by letting me pick the ring, etc.  I would find myself getting really offended, protective, and snapping back.

Then after some great advice from my mom I changed my answer.  My new favorite line when people give me grief about something we are doing, “It’s PERFECT for US.” (With a sweet smile) I found it really helped shut people up.  And if they keep going, breath, smile and repeat, “this is perfect for US”

Post # 8
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

KDOS: +1

The more you make something positive, the more the complainers lose traction.  That’s why I loved the “we love that time of year!” line or “I have so much I want to plan!”  The more you gush and seem happy, the less they try to bring you down.  As soon as you start being negative “we don’t have the money” the more they pounce. 

Post # 10
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

DH and I were engaged for 22 months. Ugh. To tell you the truth, I think long engagements are more trouble than they’re worth… They’re definitely not for everyone, me included (as I had discovered). That aside, I got the same snide comments and such. We were 22 and 24 when we got engaged and felt no need to rush (that and we were broke). We told people that. However, I now wish we would have gotten married sooner… Anyway, I’m pretty sure I haven’t said anything helpful, so yeah.

Post # 11
33 posts
  • Wedding: March 2014

@VictorianChick:  It is amazing that people could be negative about such a responsible planning technique! You are planning and paying for the wedding so everyone else can wait quietly until you are ready haha.

Post # 12
397 posts
Helper bee

I’m hearing the same things too, and by the time we get married I will be 42 and he will be 40 (first for both of us) and we are BOTH in college full time!  I will be starting my bachelor program in **GULP** 20 days and he has a little over a year to go for his.  


I am waiting 2 years because THAT IS WHAT WE WANT TO DO!!  I don’t care if I will 42 and this is my first wedding….I’M DOING IT MY (OUR) WAY!!  sometime people SUCK!

Do what you know is right…. going in debt is not the way to go.  

Post # 13
846 posts
Busy bee

I’ve gotten the same reaction. We’re still setting a date, but it’ll be in either May or June of 2015. Everyone has something to say about it. But 2014 was too soon for them. We live in Michigan, I don’t want to get married in 2 foot high snow drifts to make them happy.

We’re also both in our mid-twenties and need to save. Save without living on Ramen between now and the wedding. There’s no ring yet (it’s in the house) and I’m already getting comments about a 20(ish) month engagement.

Post # 14
2895 posts
Sugar bee

@VictorianChick:  I understand you, totally. It is written in my profile we are getting married in Jan. 2015, but we decided this week that there was no way we could afford what we wanted in time for 2015, so we delayed it one year more. That makes it happen  few months after yours : on Jan. 2016. Probably on my 30th birthday !

In my area, there are just NO venue that don’t include a menu already, and nothing is less than 85 per person, alcohol not included. The one we chose, in a vineyard (those are among the less expensive places too), is 70/person including alcohol (cocktail and dinner). If it’s unexpensive for the area, that’s still a lot more than we had thought when we fixed our budget, right after we got engaged. We’re both students, we don’t have a lot of money, but I am so tired of reading or hearing we should have a BBQ party if we can’t afford a decent venue. Hmmm… No ?! My wedding will happen once in my lifetime, there’s no way I am eating hot dogs on my wedding day. I don’t even eat those in ”regular” days. When I want to celebrate, I eat good food, I’m an epicurean. So I’m gonna eat delicious food on my wedding day, that’s number 1 in our priorities.

Nobody is helping us either. But If we would elope and have a luxury wedding and honeymoon in the Greek Islands like I dreamt about, they would cringe. Our parents especially. As for other people, they have been … not that happy for us. When we announced it to our friends, we expected joy and surprise and excitement, but it was more like nothing special happened. Like we had told them : oh by the way, we’re going camping next weekend. Like it meant less to us, or was less serious to them, because we had to think about it long ahead, because of our budget. 

I guess it must happen to all Bees every now and then, but right now I’m really into a love-hate relationship with my own wedding plan. Sometimes, I feel like screaming, forget about that crap and just  think about my love and I, get away and get married in some exotic place and have a 5 weeks honeymoon. That we could afford, we’d be only us 2 ! But I know I would feel guilty afterwards, because I can’t imagine not being with my parents and my sisters on that big day. 🙁

Post # 15
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

What you’re doing sounds so sensible, I don’t understand how anyone can criticise! Im having an 18 month engagement because he wanted to get married in the summer, so that we have time to plan two seperate weddings (one in Ireland, one in India!), and so that we can save up. We are choosing to pay for everything ourselves, and I cannot understand why anyone would go into debt for a wedding. 

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